now that we don't talk [tom blyth]

3.

4:50pm. I was rushing around the house, finding every last thing that belonged to Tom and piling it by the door. I had convinced myself the closer it was to the door, the less excuses we had to talk to each other. He had never replied. God, I didn't even know for sure he was coming. I wouldn't be surprised if he stood me up at this moment - it wouldn't have been the first time it happened.

Tom used to be a habitual no-show. Our first date, he showed up an hour and a half late, by which point I had taken myself home and cried myself to sleep in bed. That should have been my first red flag, but I continued to see him afterwards with the hope he would work on it, change, be better. I was wrong.

Actually, he did change for a while. After we settled in, things started to get more serious and we were seeing each other regularly. Regular dates, phone calls, then he started coming to my place late at night. Late nights become multiple nights became him leaving stuff at my house and within 6 months he had practically moved in. All was perfect for quite some time.

Then he got a job. A job that he would be flying to Europe to do over 5 or 6 months. It started off okay. He would call me as he woke up, before he slept, any second of the day that we were awake together. That only lasted a few weeks, which at that point I was floating further and further to the back end of his mind. It was a no brainer it got worse from there.

It went from texting a few times a day, to a few times every few days, to once a week if I was lucky. Usually the text would resemble "I am so sorry, I've been so busy" and then radio silence for another week or two. That was until I woke up one morning to a text saying he 'couldn't do this anymore' and he was 'sorry'.

And that was it.

I didn't reply. I didn't know what to say. I mean, how do you reply to someone who has barely spoken to you for 2 months then saying they don't want to be with you. It wasn't like we had been together that whole time, and if I was completely honest with myself, I had already started seeing him as my ex, until he sent that message.

I didn't think he would ever do it. He was too kind hearted and gentle to have actually pulled the pin, but people surprise you sometimes, and he did. Filled with shock, I remember calling my mum and crying down the phone to her. She told me everything she thought I needed to hear, listened to me cry. Then, I packed my bags and went to live with her for a few weeks. The more I had to look at the stuff he had left in my apartment, the more I struggled to cope with the shock of it all.

He never messaged me again after that. I never replied. Then, after about a month and a half, I started to pack some of his stuff into boxes and asked him to get them. This turned into multiple messages that never received reply and boxes littering my floors, some of his stuff still filling my drawers. Until he replied yesterday.

As the clock began to tick closer to 6pm, I accepted he wasn't coming and crawled into bed. I didn't have an appetite, nor the desire to put anything in my mouth. The anxiety had kicked in, sending waves of nausea through my body that I couldn't control. My mind started wandering to the Berlin trip and getting everything together before I went in 2 weeks. Despite being a journalist for quite some time, I was never good with flying. Or travelling at that. I was unorganised, unprepared, nervous and an overthinker. When I had visited Tom on set of a show early in our relationship, I cried nearly the whole flight there and missed my taxi to take me to the set. In that moment, Tom had decided he would personally take me to the airport for my flight home.

When I arrived to the office the following morning, my manager, Kelly, pulled me into her office and immediately started discussing the Berlin trip. As she sat and brainstormed questions, discussed formats and reporting, I just nodded along, attempting to process everything she said and make mental notes of all the prep I needed to do before my flight.

By the time I slumped out of her office, there was a message lighting up my phone.

Tom: I'm sorry I didn't come yesterday. I should have called. I'm flying out this week for an event, can I swing by when I am back? :)

Sorry? He said sorry? He said he should have called?

I was struggling to come to terms with the fact that Tom, my ex-boyfriend who routinely stood me up with no explanation and no apology, just apologised?

I let out an audible scoff, placing my phone on my desk and opening up my computer. I had 2 weeks to prepare questions for most of the cast, sit down interviews, preparing all my material for my article. On a more positive note, I had already read the book the film was based on, so that was less preparation I had to do in 2 weeks. It wasn't much time, realistically, but it was enough to get most of what I needed done, and I had a 10 hour flight to make it through.

I started planning out questions, mind mapping on my computer and researching each of the actors. Except Tom. I already knew about Tom. That was the hard part, how do I asked someone questions when I know all the answers?

"How did you feel getting the call for this roll?" He was speechless. Literally. He sat on the phone with his agent barely able to form sentences. Then a single tear slipped as he gratefully thanked them and said he'd take the job. Then the two of them went out for dinner to celebrate. He then got stuck in to rehearsing for his chemistry reads.

"Was there pressure for you playing such a well-known villain in the series?" No. Because it is a younger, much different character. It is prior to his decent to villainy. In fact, it is his decent, so it is a much different character to the one represented in the original trilogy.

I sighed, getting up and walking into the staff room and flicking the kettle on and finding a mug I can make a coffee in. Shortly after, Mia strolled in, dressed in another pantsuit, a light grey resembling a YSL look from a 90s runway. It all made sense knowing she was on the fashion editorial team.

"Did Tom come round?" she hummed, also grabbing a mug from the cupboard.

"No, but, he apologised for not coming," I said with a closed lip smile.

"He WHAT?" her voice slightly raised now, placing the mug on the bench and leaning again it with a hand on her hip.

"Yep. He texted apologising that he didn't come and he didn't call me. He's going to Berlin but will come get it when he's back,"

"Well that's good. At least he made other plans," she shrugged, taking the kettle from my hand and pouring a cup of coffee for herself.

"Well, so did I. I am going to Berlin too..." I trailed off, finally making eye contact with her. Her eyes widened, her jaw dropping.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm going to the premiere for the new movie. Tom's new movie. I am doing the press run."