now that we don't talk [tom blyth]

25.

Unlike the last time Tom went overseas, he spoke to me a lot. Every waking moment he had, he was calling me, texting me, Facetiming me, sending me photos of the meals his mom had cooked or the snowman his little cousin had built. It was lovely and made everything feel a little less lonely in my apartment.

It was lonely. I didn't have the energy to put up a Christmas tree, nor to put on a Christmas movie. Instead, I slept, a lot, and spent more time on the phone with Tom than anything else.

"Turn a light on, for god sake Kira." I groaned, leaning over to the bedside table and flicking on the lamp so he could see my face. I watched a grin spread over his face when the light illuminated my features. "Better."

He turned the camera around, showing me his childhood room that he was sleeping in, the movie posters on the walls and figurines that were placed on shelves on the walls.

"And this," he pointed to a small trophy on the shelf, "is from when I won 'Most Improved' in my soccer team," and I couldn't help the laugh that fell from my lips.

"'Most Improved' is just a nice way of saying 'you were really shit, and now you are a little less shit'" and Tom turned the camera around so I could see his frown.

"That's not very nice," he said with a scowl and I stuck my tongue out at him.

"Constructive criticism," I shrugged my shoulders.

"So, I thought you were going to your mum's today?" The question was the one I was dreading. I wasn't sure whether to keep up the lie, or just come up with some excuse why I couldn't go. I mean, it's not like he can cancel his trip now. I sighed.

"I can't go anymore," and I saw Tom frown.

"Why?" His voice was laced with concern.

"Not sure, Mom just said I can't," I looked away from the camera, slightly ashamed for lying and not just telling him that I was upset she preferred the other part of her family.

"Oh Kira, I am so sorry. If I knew I would have brought you with me." There it was. That's why I didn't tell you.

Part of me was also scared to meet Tom's family. I had spoken to his parents over the phone, but we never got to the point of meeting. It was hard, living opposite sides of the world from his family, and whilst I had no doubt I would like his family more than my own, meeting them felt like a new level of commitment that scared me more than anything.

"Oh well," I just shrugged my shoulders, rolling off the bed and carrying the phone into the bathroom so I could wash my face. I propped it up on the vanity and turned on the tap to splash cool water over my skin.

"You look beautiful," I heard him say and my skin flushed red.

"Shut up. What time is it there?" I asked, rubbing my face with cleanser.

"Umm," he hesitated, obviously checking, "1am." 

I rolled my eyes. "Go to sleep idiot, you'll be tired," and I saw him shake his head.

"Nah, I'll be fine. I want to talk to you." Exactly what I meant. Whilst last time I was begging him to call me, or even reply to a text, this time he was staying up to ridiculous hours to talk to me and make sure I had all of his time. We had already been on the phone for over an hour.

"When do you go back to work?" He asked whilst my head my submerged in the sink. I dried my face, looking back to him.

"Right after the New Year." He nodded.

I moved from the bathroom back into the bedroom and we stayed on the phone for another 20 minutes, before he told me he was tired and should probably sleep. We blew kisses to each other, said our 'I love you''s and ended the Facetime call. Emptiness filled me almost immediately, the silence of my apartment making it more clear just how alone I was. My mom used to tell me my loneliness was my own fault and I was the only one that could help myself. I sent Mia a text, asking if we could go for coffee after Christmas before putting my phone down and letting myself fall into a deep slumber.