now that we don't talk [tom blyth]

15.

The moment my alarm rung through the bedroom, I let out a groan and pulled myself out of bed. Whilst the wine I drank last night wasn't providing a hangover, I was living with the dooming feeling that I was taking things too far with Tom.

I didn't want to give off the wrong impression. I didn't want to confuse him on what was happening between us. I wanted to take it slow but he made it so difficult to do that. Every day was more and more difficult, the flirtations becoming slightly more suggestive and the kisses becoming more frequent. As he kissed me goodnight last night, his hands had slid down to grab my bum, giving it a gentle squeeze and a tap before he walked out the door. I had never craved for him to come back quite so much.

I pulled myself out of bed and into the shower, scrubbing every inch of my body just so I could feel something and got ready for work. I left with just enough time to get a coffee before I made my way to the office. I had barely stepped foot out of the elevator when Mia was pulling me into my office.

"When the fuck were you going to tell me?" she practically yelled as she shut the door. The confusion must have been evident on my face as I placed my coffee and bag down. "You know, about you and Tom?"

Now I was really confused. "I have, I've told you everything?"

Mia was shaking her head, rushing to sit in the chair opposite my desk. "No, you forgot to tell me you were living together?"

If I wasn't confused before, I sure as hell was now. I sat down in my desk chair, taking a sip from my coffee and looking her dead in the eye. "I don't know what you are talking about?" Mia just sighed, her body relaxing from the overly tense state it was in from interrogating me, although she hadn't stopped.

"Kira I drive past your apartment block every day to go to and from work and I have seen Tom's car outside every single day I have gone home." I laughed at the girl in front of me.

"He's not living with me, Mia, I promise. I would have told you if he was. He's just been coming over most afternoons, that's all." She let out a loud sigh, relaxing into the chair.

"Okay," and I laughed at her stress now having evaporated.

"But-"

"BUT?" I wanted to rush over and slap my hand across her mouth at how loud she was yelling.

"But, we have been making some progress. More than I want to though," I sighed, turning to my computer and logging in.

"Should we book a 'meeting' and go talk about this at Blue Bottle?" she said using finger quotations. I laughed, pulling open my calendar and booking a private appointment. Mia had a grin across her face as we exited the office with our work bags, saying we were going to meet out of the office.

"So, what is the progress," she asked, sipping her coffee. I was on my second of the day as we sat in the booth in the back corner of the cafe, our laptops open for our 'meeting'.

"Well," I paused, trying to think of the best way to say it. "I told him we should take things slow. Slower than before, which has been happening. Kind of. Until we went out for dinner last weekend and I had a bit to drink and asked him to undress me, and we have been kissing and making out a lot, and lots of sexual comments and jokes, and now I feel like I have taken it too far from slow and I am giving the wrong idea." Mia just sat, nodding along to everything I said.

"Does it feel right?" she questioned, and I cocked my head in confusion. 

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"As you are doing all these things. As you kiss him, make out with him, touch him, does it feel like the right thing to do in that moment?" I hesitated, before nodding at her. "Then there's nothing wrong with it Kira. Slow means at your own pace and your pace is whatever feels right. If you want to kiss him and it feels like the right thing to do, then do it. If you want to touch him or for him to undress you, then do it. If you want to fuck him, then do it. Whatever feels like the right thing to do in those exact moments, do not hesitate. Go with your gut and you'll be much happier instead of overthinking every single little thing you do together. You cannot be present and honest with him if you are second-guessing everything you do."