now that we don't talk [tom blyth]

19.

"Tom I swear to fuck if we are late to the airport because of y-" a firm kiss was planted on my lips, cutting me off. I opened my eyes and saw the eyes of the boy I was falling back in love with (slowly) staring down at me with a smirk on his face.

"I'm ready," he said with all the sass he could muster up, flashing his hand that held a duffle bag. I rolled my eyes, walking out of the doorway and down the hallway, Tom following close behind me. I glanced back, seeing his gaze had dropped down slightly before darting back up to mine.

"My eyes are up here, asshole," it was now my turn to smirk, as we got into the lift to meet the taxi out the front of the complex. The ride to the airport was quick and before I knew it, we had checked in and boarded the plane. I pulled on my headphones and the music started, I noticed Tom doing the same. As the pilot announced the takeoff, I grabbed Tom's hand firmly which made him readjust to lace his fingers between mine tightly. He lifted our hands to his lips and placed a kiss on the back of my hand. We stayed like this for the whole flight, our hands laced together just listening to our own music. 

I was startled awake by the chiming of the plane to put the seatbelts back on to prepare for landing. I looked over at Tom, whose eyes had fallen shut, his headphones still over his ears. I pulled mine off, nudging him gently so as not to freak him out.

"Hey," I whispered, "we are landing." Tom nodded, taking his headphones off and placing both of ours in the bag at his feet.

We arrived at the hotel a few hours later. The madness of the airport nearly drove me insane and I could still hear the customs lady screaming at me for not taking my bracelet off my wrist, despite being told it could stay on. I practically collapsed on the bed when we made it in the door, not even bothering to kick my shoes off or even change out of my clothes. Tom just laughed at me sprawled across the bed.

"Could at least take your shoes off," he hummed, coming over to me and unlacing my shoes to make it easier to pull them off. I just groaned into the bedsheets, feeling the relief of the shoes coming off my feet one by one, followed by my socks. I felt the bed dip beside me as I sensed Tom's presence, followed by a hand running through my hair. My eyes started to float shut at the softness of his touch and how relaxed I was for just a split second. I felt every movement of his fingers through my hair and on my scalp. A slight tingle would ripple down my body, it becoming heavier every second that passed. 

- 

A pounding through my temple woke me hours later, throbbing through my face and down to my body. I groaned out, rolling over on the bed and no longer feeling the presence of someone else, feeling incredibly alone and cold. I tried to pry my eyes open but the pain was unbearable and I felt tears prick in my eyes. I finally noticed the faint noise of water running, it turning off shortly after. Some time must have passed when I heard the door open and a body walk into the room. The bed dipped behind me, a hand coming to my cheek and brushing some of the hair from my face.

"Are you okay?" Tom's soft, rich accent spoke in a near-whisper. I shook my head.

"No, my head is so sore," I cried out and Tom placed a kiss to my forehead.

"Can I get you anything?" I just shook my head. He continued to move small pieces of hair from my face, his fingertips grazing my skin occasionally. My breathing was soft and slow as I focused on each movement he made.

"God, you are so beautiful," he muttered quietly under his breath. We lay there for a while, just in each other's presence. I could smell his wet hair, his freshly washed body, the small amount of after-shave he had put on. He could probably smell the sweat on my body from having an afternoon nap in my track pants with no aircon on.

Tom's movements stopped and I felt him get off the bed. I managed to pry my eyes open to see him over at his suitcase and pulling clothes out.

"What are you doing?" I questioned, rolling onto my side to watch him. I stared intently as he pulled on some black cargo pants and a black sweater, slipping on some shoes.

"To get us food," he said, looking over at me. I smiled.

"What are you thinking of getting?" his eyebrows furrowed with thought.

"Maybe just some tacos, if that's okay with you?" I nodded in reply. "And I'll get some panadol and water for you." I just nodded again.

I fell asleep again, not long after Tom left, waking when he came back with a bag of food and a CVS bag. I moaned at the smell, causing Tom to just laugh and come sit opposite me on the bed. I sat up cross-legged and pulled the panadol out, smashing two down my throat with some water before pulling out the tacos. 

"Geez girl, hold your horses," Tom exclaimed at my rushed movements, desperate to get food in my mouth. I rolled my eyes and shoved a taco in my mouth.

We sat there for hours, eating our tacos and talking about whatever came to mind, until Tom decided to bring up the dreaded dinner party.

"So, Hunter said 7 tomorrow." I nodded, and I noticed Tom just roll his eyes at me.

I couldn't help it. The whole situation worried me, and whilst I knew Tom desperately just wanted me to talk to him and be honest about where my head was at, I ran the risk of ruining everything we had worked on in the past few weeks and I didn't want to do that.

This whole thing is scary. I don't know what we are, what our label is, whether we are going public or keeping it on the lowkey, whether we are even going to make this last or whether this was a desperate and over-exaggerated attempt at closure, everything was confusing me. I sighed, causing Tom to stop what he was doing.

"Kira, I am practically begging for you to tell me what is on your mind."

I swallowed a breath, trying to think of the best way to say it so I didn't upset him, push him away or make him think I wasn't in this. I didn't want him to get the wrong idea, think badly of me, or think I haven't been truthful from the start.

"I am really scared," I whispered out and Tom said nothing, just watching me so I knew I had all of his attention. "I am really really scared, Tom. You broke my heart, through and through, and it's taken me months to even start to grasp that we weren't together anymore, and I know that sounds stupid because we didn't even date for a whole year but I fell so hard for you. I fell like my life depended on it, and now you are back in and we are giving whatever this is a go, I am shit scared. I am scared of what your friends will thinking, dating a journalist who has publically interviewed and written articles about you. I wonder what your family will think, especially after us breaking up. I am scared things won't be different and I'll lose you again. I don't even know what this is, what this means, how serious is it, how long it will last, whether this will stay a secret or be a public thing we are open about, I don't know. What I do know is I am so scared for whatever the future holds and I don't know what to do about it."