now that we don't talk [tom blyth]

13.

"When is your next job?" I questioned the boy in front of me, both facing each other on opposite kitchen stools. We had started on a bottle of red wine, us both sipping out of the large glasses, occasionally topping each other's glass up.

"Well," he started, "I think I have a little bit of time off until next year. I don't know when exactly I go back on set but it's a while away." I just hummed in response. I swirled the wine around the glass, watching it go around, slipping up the sides ever so slightly.

His hand moved to the end of my knee, his thumb rubbing circles on the skin. Electricity shot up my body, fueling my heart as it beat in perfect harmony. His eyes were down, watching as his delicate movements caused goosebumps on my skin. His hair, slightly longer than the blonde buzzcut he had a few months ago, started to fall over his face.

"I was wondering, if we could, you know, maybe try this again? Us, again?" He said quietly, not making eye contact for maybe the first time in all that I had known him. He was nervous, scared, unsure, worried about what I would say.

I was worried about what I would say. Without thinking, I would have blurted out a quick 'yes' and just ridden the wave of fear that came with it. That's what I did at the start of our relationship and I was prepared to jump onto anyone who would give me a lifeline, that person being Tom. I didn't want to make the same mistakes and have my heart broken all over again.

I noticed his body shuffling in his seat. His eyes never lifted to meet mine as he continued to watch his thumb trace circles on my skin. I sighed.

"What will be different this time?"

He looked at me, finally, and I could see his eyes coated by a glassiness that made my heart melt.

"Everything," he whispered. I couldn't help but roll my eyes at his response.

"But what does that look like, Tom?" I looked away, fixating on the rangehood above the oven so not to look at him whilst he spoke. I heard him sigh, seeing a hand run through his hair out of the corner of my eye.

"Kira, I mean it. I mean that I will be putting in the effort, I won't be a ghost and absent. I will be 100% committed to you and to us and to whatever this will become. I will be a better communicator, better at handling my emotions, a better team player in our relationship, a better lover and partner. I will right my wrongs, treat you the way that you and I both know you deserve and I promise, with every part of me, that I am committed to learning and growing with you."

He spoke with his hands, grabbing my knees before picking up both of my hands and holding them in his. His hands were warm, embracing my cold ones and rubbing the tops of them. We sat in silence, our breaths finding rhythm with each other as we stared down at our intertwined hands. I took a deep breath, looking him in the eyes.

"Slowly."

"Slowly?"

"Yes, slowly. We start slow, going on dates, texting, not moving in and spending every day together within the first couple of weeks. We work on this together and we give it all we've got. No half-assing," Tom nodded along with me, "You broke me, Tom, you really did. I felt like I had been abandoned by someone right as I started falling and it felt like you didn't care."

"I did care."

"You didn't show it. You ignored me, stopped talking to me, left me to deal with losing you whilst you were living like it meant nothing. This time has to be very different, from both of us."

Tom was nodding along and I noticed a small tear slip down his cheek. I pulled my hand from his hold and wiped it away gently, a smile creeping onto his face.

It dawned on me that this hurt him just as much as it hurt me and maybe, just maybe, this time would be different.

-

"Does going slowly stop me from staying the night?" Tom whispered, his arm around my body as we cuddled on the couch, reruns of Modern Family playing quietly in the back. My head lay on his chest, it rising and falling with each breath he took.

"Maybe," I hummed, nestling my face further into his chest, my eyelids falling shut. Tom sighed, raising his hand to glide through my hair.

"I missed this, a lot, and I know you said slowly but I can't wait to be able to do this with you every night," I nodded at his statement, tracing shapes on his chest with my fingertips.

We lay in silence, the TV playing in the background but neither of us paying any attention. Instead, both of us were enjoying this time together, being back in each other's embrace and agreeing to commit to giving everything one more shot to see if we could get it right.

"I should go, you need to sleep my dear," he said, shifting to sit up slightly and my body going with him. I rubbed my eyes, sitting up next to him and looking at him. I nodded. Tom stood up off the couch and reached a hand out for me to take. We walked to the front door hand-in-hand before we stopped, not wanting to let go of each other. Tom pulled away first, using the hand to softly hold my cheek as I relaxed into his touch. I shut my eyes, taking in every line and bump of his fingers. He used his thumb to caress my cheek softly.

"You are so beautiful," he whispered ever so delicately so as not to disrupt my peace in his touch. The corned of my lips tugged upward slightly, just enough that he would notice the impact of his words. I opened my eyes, finally seeing how close we were and his lips, only centimetres from mine.

"Please kiss me," I mumbled, and he wasted no second, dipping his head down to meet our lips together. It was less rushed than earlier, my hands finding comfort on his biceps as he held my cheeks. Our lips moved together slowly, softly, carefully, not wanting to push the other away too quickly, and so we could savour every moment.

He pulled away first, only just enough that our lips would graze together as he said "I will see you soon," before planting a peck on my forehead and leaving.