The Deal

Six-Imani

As I stand in front of my closet, fear grips me. I'm about to read on one of her letters again. But what's more embarrassing? I'm the only single mother in the suburbs who's still having mail delivered to me instead of answering e-mails on a laptop like every damn normal grown-up. This is all Bill's fault. If he wants to abandon me, hide God knows where, and shower my kids with gifts, the least he can do is buy me a damn laptop.

It's been months now, and I am running out of patience with this man. He promised he would never leave. Perhaps I've been a fool to keep my faith in people. No matter what, people will always turn out to fail each other. It's a harsh lesson I ended up learning right after Ivan showed me his true colors. I still love Bill, but I hate him for what he's doing.

Inside the bottom wardrobe, I frown at the bundle of letters, stacked and wrapped neatly in a brown folder. The name 'Paris' legibly written on it with red ink. I sigh, regret filling my chest. I reach for my box of cigars on the bed, grab one, and ignite it with a lighter. I suck in and puff out smoke, filling up the empty void of rage within me. I should learn to stop this habit. No mother should smoke with children living under their roof. I rest my hand on my waist, eyeing the letter which was delivered while I was at work. If someone knows our address, it's not a good sign. Bill is getting sloppy with his plan.

I unwrap the envelope and glance through the paper. My hand trembles as I take in the written words. It's another apology from my beloved Paris. Every day, her messages say the same thing. "I'm so sorry for my bad influence, Imani. I'm the worst best friend. I should never have met you, Imani. I forced this trauma onto you, Imani. I would go back in time to warn you Ivan was nothing but a cold-hearted scum of a person. You didn't deserve this, and I wish you and your kids well. I miss you, Imani. I plan to come visit you someday."

I try to hold back the tears anytime I read her letters, but like droplets of rain, they pour down on my cheeks. I miss Paris dearly. I want to see her and tell her it was never her fault. It had been my naivety to trust Ivan. But the alarming danger is that she wants to come visit. There is no way in hell I'm going to let her come near me or my kids. Bill hid us here for a reason; to keep a low profile. So, follow the rule, I certainly will.

From downstairs, a banging noise erupts, causing me to flinch. Kaya and Richelle have got to learn to play quietly. They're not getting any younger. When I wander back to the bottom wardrobe and stash the letter into the brown folder, a knock on the door startles me. "Come on in!" I voice out. Richelle quietly walks in, with her brother falling behind. The boy is so occupied with the brand-new Gameboy Bill bought for him that he's forgotten his sister needs him to take the lead. Richelle, her shoulders hunched, and head pointed down, gives her brother the side-eye glance and clears her throat. When Kaya doesn't respond, she does it again. She finally whispers Kaya's name, snapping him back to reality.

"Oh, right," Kaya says. "Sorry, Riri. Mom, we want to talk to you." He goes right back to his game.

I purse my lips, leaning my hands on my waist. "What?"

Richelle snares at her brother when he doesn't lead the way. I feel so bad for my daughter sometimes. With her hands rubbing against each other, she slowly meets my gaze. "Um... We...we want to find him, Mom."

Smiling at how much she's trying to sound confident; I lower my guard down a little. "You want to look for who?"

Richelle frowns at her brother, who is still glued to his tiny gadget. She turns to me. "Mom, we want to look for Bill."

I raise my eyebrows at her. "Okay. How will you go about that, Riri?"

Richelle glares at Kaya again. "We thought it'd be better if we all go out to look for him. We really miss him, Mom."

I sigh, shaking my head. "You know I absolutely cannot do it. I miss him too, but we can't be roaming about the streets. This is a new neighborhood. We barely know anyone here."

When Richelle furrows her brows at Kaya, I clench my fists. I snatch the gadget from his tiny hands and dump it in the empty bin near the door.

"Hey!" He yells, but I grab his wrist hard. "Shame on you! Learn to look out for your sister more. Or else you'll end up abandoning her like Bill."

I ignore Kaya's snarling look and reach for my bag, dangling from the top wardrobe of my closet. "The answer is no, you two. Just stick to the number one rule. You remember it, don't you?" When they both remain silent, I turn my head to meet their gaze. "Don't you?!"

"Yes," Kaya and Richelle groan together. After brushing the strands of my curly dark hair, I flash a smile to my reflection in the mirror and don my black hat. "Low profile," I voice out, walking past them. "Keep those words in mind, the both of you."

"Why do you get to leave the house at night, while we don't?" Kaya asks. I'll admit, his confidence has grown as big as his attitude. I slowly turn to look over my shoulder. "Because I'm the responsible adult of the house. Don't test me, young man."

Kaya rolls his eyes. "I don't understand you nowadays, Mom. It's like the town has corrupted you. I feel you're hiding secrets from us. You never told us what happened between you and Bill. You lied to us about dad too."

I halt my steps, grinding my teeth. "Young man, we made an agreement. We're not to mention your father's name in this house ever again. What? You think I know why Bill's gone? Let me tell you the truth. I have no idea why he disappeared. I'm as lost as you two are."

"So, why don't we try to find him?" Kaya continues. "Like you said, it's a different town. Something bad could have happened to Bill and we may never know. It's the least we can do to show him how much we care. He's really helped us, mom. You should know."

When I want to say something, Richelle cuts me off. "Have you been sleeping, mom?" Her voice is monotone. "You look exhausted."

My face softens when I catch her gaze. "Of course, sweetheart. Work was draining today. I promise I'll be back sooner. Tomorrow, we'll talk about this Bill issue, alright?"

"You won't get time tomorrow," Kaya says, folding his arms.

"Fine. Later, we'll talk about it. Please, just let me relax my head for a while, okay?" I walk away, taking my shades and donning them. I know it's wrong to lie to my daughter about my sleeping problem. She's right, I haven't been taking sleep seriously. I grab my jacket from the coat rack near the living room door and smile. Who needs sleep when you have the zeal to stay up all night?

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