textin' my ex — t-pain ft. tiffany evans.
beyoncé.
babydoll; u must be drunk.
to babydoll; few shots of patron.
to babydoll; miss u.
I shut my phone off, placing it down on my stomach before looking up at the spinning ceiling. I shut my eyes, tried to make the spinning go away, but the darkness was spinning too. My phone chimed.
babydoll; go to sleep.
to babydoll; damn no miss me too?
babydoll; u know im in a relationship. that's why ur texting me so late, & drunk. get some sleep beyoncé. ur gonna regret even sending these messages in the morning so i suggest you delete them.
to babydoll; im in a relationship too. what that mean?
babydoll; fuck everything else i said huh?
to babydoll; miss u.
I shut my phone off once again, closing my eyes and becoming okay with the spinning darkness. Through my spotty vision, I could see memories of Onika, more like memories of us. I couldn't help but miss her; miss us. And though our breakup was 100% my fault, I knew I'd made the biggest mistake of my whole life.
I tried to recreate us by dating this woman that looked exactly like her, but obviously that wasn't working. She may look like Onika, but she was not Onika. She didn't speak like her, didn't walk like her, didn't touch like her, didn't fuck like her. Just looked. That's all.
That's why I was here, texting the woman I actually wanted.
babydoll; it's late... and i don't think ur girlfriend would appreciate this.
to babydoll; she know what it is.
babydoll; still ain't shit i see.
I sighed.
to babydoll; i made a mistake. and i apologize.
babydoll; i appreciate that.
to babydoll; im about to call u.
babydoll; ur not, actually.
This facade she was putting up against me was interesting to see. If she didn't want to be speaking to me, she wouldn't be. I knew this woman like the back of my hand. There were plenty of women she could lie to, and I was not one of them.
I stared at my phone, at her contact, at our faces when we were so damn happy that no one could tear us apart. I wished I could go back in time and get over myself. She was so happy, and I was the one that'd put that smile on her face. Then I remembered the more sinister memories. I was the one that'd put tears on her face too. When I shut my eyes and I saw her crying like that, I was mortified, wanted to hurt myself for the things I'd done to her.
And I knew I was fucked up for jumping into a new relationship while still being in love with Onika, but my pride just wouldn't leave me alone. Nights like this made me realize that I was a fucked up person, but Onika had loved me anyway. Then I fucked her over. I was lucky that we were even having this conversation now.
