Ashes in the Snow

Twelve

I sit in my room alone, just staring at the big rock on my hand. I'm in my pajamas since it's starting to get late, but I can't sleep. I have my dress hung up in my room so I can see it. I absolutely love this dress. There's still no signs of Daniel. I don't understand why I feel bad for him, after what he did and other things he tried to do...I think it's human though, to feel this way. To have kindness and empathy. I also think Coriolanus is right about Daniel's mental stability. He had liked me since we were young and he had never dated a girl in our district. I think he was thinking it was his last chance to ever be with me and went a little psychotic when he realized it wasn't going to happen. Not that it's an excuse though.

I still can't believe I'm engaged to Eric. Even though I was just putting on a show, it felt real. I think Eric was putting on a show as well, but I know his feelings for me are real. Eric never proposed to me like that when we were together before. It went a little differently...

Eric and I are sitting on the grass together. I'm sitting in front of him and he has his arms wrapped around me. The stream is in front of us and it's beautiful so so blue; a deep blue.

"I want it to be like this forever," I say, radiating with joy.

"It can be. It can be like this forever...we should get married." Eric replied.

"Married?" I giggle. "You're crazy."

"How so?" He laughs.

"Because i'm seventeen and you're nineteen. We're so young and don't know what we want in our lives."

"I know I want you," he kisses me on the temple.

I giggle and squeeze his arms that are around me. I look up at him and he kisses me on the lips.

"Please? Marry me. I want to be with you forever." He pleads.

I pause and think for a moment. "Okay, sure." I smile.

We both smile and laugh. We both stand up and he grabs me, swinging me around. I have never felt so happy in my entire life. I am beyond happy with the life I have.

"Catch me if you can!" I run away, and squeal when I see him chase me.

The sun is setting. It's a beautiful orange with yellows in the sky. The birds are flying above us in the sky, so free. That's how we felt. We were free in this moment of time and were like the birds flying in the sky. I love this man more than anything.

I snap out of my daydream, a distant memory that I will forever cherish in my heart. I hear a knock on my door and say, "come in!"

I see it's Eric to my surprise. I thought they would've sent him home.

"What are you doing here? I thought they sent you home." I ask.

"They're letting me stay here for the night. I go back home tomorrow. There's a place they're letting me crash at, but I figured I'd stop by and see you."

"Thanks, that's very considerate of you."

"Ashe, I'm so sorry this happened to you."

"I'm surprised you're not asking me why I did it."

"I know why you did it. You forget how well I know you. We were together for three years; we were going to get married. You did it because you viewed Holly Mae like a little sister. You have known her since she was born. You have watched her for a very long time. I knew that little girl wasn't going on that train. I was just hoping you wouldn't have been the one to volunteer."

I look at him and it fills my heart to be with someone who knows me so well.

"I'm sorry for cheating. I wasn't lying when I said I regret it. And I'm sorry for giving you the same apology, I was an ass. I really do feel bad. Ashe, I care about you."

"Thank you. I'm sorry for for treating you so poorly after we ended things. You really did try."

I stare out the window and my eyes start to tear up. I'm scared. I don't want to die and I feel my impending death creeping up fast. Especially with everything that happened in the early evening. It's been a long day. It's probably almost midnight now. I need to sleep, but I can't.

Eric walks up to me, "what's wrong?"

I completely break down. I start crying and can't stop, I don't even feel like I can take the time to breathe. Eric rushes to me and sits on the bed, holding me. I wish I could just melt away in his arms. It's nice having someone familiar here with me, but at the same time he reminds me of home which is hard. I think of Coriolanus and wonder where he is. He abruptly left during my interview and I haven't seen him ever since. Coriolanus would be a better comfort right now. I feel as though he is exactly what I need. He is someone who cares for me, but doesn't remind me of home. He is someone who makes me think about a future for myself, which isn't in district 12. I know thinking about myself in the Capitol with him is silly, but that's where my mind goes when I think of him. I wish he were here.

Some peacekeepers come to the doorway and demand Eric return to his living quarters. Eric releases me from a hug and kisses me on the forehead. He slowly back away from me and I can see his eyes tearing up. I get up from my bed and immediately hug him tightly. He hugs me back even tighter.

"Please come home to me," he says.

"It's time," the peacekeeper demanded.

They grab him by the shoulders and escort him out. Both of our eyes saying goodbye one last time. The peacekeeper slams the door shut, causing me to flinch. I am left in my room, feeling empty. Too much has happened today. An attempted rape and an engagement all in one day, that's too much excitement for me.

I try to fall asleep, but then I hear yelling downstairs. It's very faint though so I can't make out who it is or what they're saying. I open my door and cautiously walk downstairs. Who could possibly be here?

It's Coriolanus. He is still wearing the same attire he had at the interview, except this time he has a beer bottle in his hand and he's stumbling everywhere.

"Ashe!" He yells, sounding like a little child looking for their mother. "Ashe!" He turns around and sees me. "Oh there you are!" He stumbles towards me, placing his bottle on the table.

"Coriolanus? Are you drunk?" I ask trying not to be judgmental.

"Yes I am," he says in a goofy way. "That'll happen when the woman you care for gets engaged."

"Coriolanus, you know that wasn't real right? It was all a show."

"Oh it's real alright," he says. "Because when you win, you'll have to go back and marry him."

"If I win," I correct.

"You're going to win. I'll make sure of it." He looks down, sad. "You weren't mine like I wanted the whole world to see...you were his."

"Here, let's get you on the couch. You're drunk and shouldn't be walking home."

I help him over to the couch and he lays down right away, practically falling on the couch. I try my best to position him and take off his shoes, placing them next to the couch. He is instantly asleep.