Ashes in the Snow

Twenty

I find a cave to hide in. It's small and hidden which is exactly what I was looking for. It's cold and damp, but safe nonetheless. I sit in there on the dirt, staring at the rocks. Processing everything that happened.

Bianca is dead. The guilt eats me up inside. She died saving me, only to be blindsided by a tribute who wasn't even a threat. I guess this proves that anyone can be a threat. Bianca should've won. She was deserving and could have done it if it weren't for me. I try to go back to feeling numb like I did before, but I can't. I can't go back. All I feel is sadness from my fallen friend. This is why you can't get close to anyone in the games. They'll either blindside you or you'll watch a friend die and feel everything.

I look at the blood on my axe, from that girl. I feel the guilt from killing that girl. If I remember correctly she was only thirteen years old. Still so young. The guilt of taking away her life starts to build up. I try wiping away the blood on the dirt. Some of it comes off, but some of it just smears.

I hear the sound of the capitol's music and come out from the cave. I look up at the sky and see they're preparing to announce all of the fallen tributes. The first one to show in the sky is, Bianca. I feel my stomach drop seeing her face in the sky. Seeing my friend one last time. I also see the girl from district 3 which makes my stomach turn. They go through the list and it ends. The only ones left are me, Allen from district 1, a girl from district 8, and Tate. Everyone else is gone.

There are only four of us left. If I remember correctly, Allen is pretty ruthless. That's why Bianca left him in the first place, she couldn't trust him. I could just wait it out. He would probably grow impatient and kill off the rest. The girl from district 8 was also decent with a weapon. She doesn't stand a chance against Allen though. She wouldn't have stood a chance with Bianca if she were still here...

Then there's Tate. The traitor. I don't know if she teamed up with them or if she's on her own. All I know is that it's her fault Bianca is dead. She betrayed us, leaving us vulnerable in the open. If I ever see her again, she's dead.

I see a parachute drop down from the sky a couple feet away from me. It's holding a little container. I walk over to it and open it up. There's food and fresh water. In it is also a little note. It says:

"I'm sorry. I do care." -C.S.

Coriolanus is watching. He is out there watching out for me, doing his part. I completely forgot what happened to him. The games has done a good job at making me think about nothing but surviving. I do feel relief knowing he's okay. As angry as I am with him, I do care. It does sadden me to know that we won't be together. I should've known the reality, however. Even if he does care about me, he's not going to move mountains for me. He's capitol and I'm district. He knows it and so do I. If I do survive, he'll take the money and move on with his life. And I'll take a train back to district 12 and marry Eric.

I crawl back into the cave and drink the fresh water. Not all of it though because who knows how long I'll be in here. And eat some of the broth, which is still hot. I didn't realize how hungry I was. But the broth warms my stomach and ends the growling.

I try to not cry, but I do. It's all too much, I feel too much. I start sobbing, feeling hopeless and hate the fact I have no control over my fate. I hate what the games has made me do. It has turned me into a killer. It has turned me into a dark monster.