Ashes in the Snow

Part 2: The Victor - Twenty-Three

                                3 months later...
It's been three months since the games and life has been pretty great, can't complain. They moved me into one of the nice houses on the other side of town. Of course my mother moved in with me. Because I get a luxurious life, I make sure she does too; and it's nice to see my mother so happy. We don't starve anymore, we're well fed which has been the best part in my opinion. We also have nice clothes and have a shower where we do get hot water. I wouldn't say I live as nice as people do in the Capitol, but it's pretty nice.

Eric moved in with me as well, since we're engaged. Things didn't pan out the way I wanted them to with Coriolanus, so this is the life I have. Things could be worse, I could be living the way I did before. We make sure Eric's family is well fed and they do come over and use the showers. There's no point in keeping this all for myself.

Eric and I have been doing okay. He hasn't cheated on me. He's actually been pretty good to me and has tried to take care of me the best he can. I appreciate that he cares for me, but my heart isn't in it like his is. I spend a lot of time alone, trying to process everything that happened. Nobody talks about the trauma you live with after the fact. There isn't a day that goes by where I don't think about Bianca and the tributes I killed.

Besides the trauma, I've been doing okay. Trying my best to move on with my life. I spend my time enjoying the company of those I love. The meaningless sex I have with Eric to fill the void in my heart, and the regret I feel after the fact. I don't think about him when we're having sex. I think about Coriolanus. I imagine that's it's him on top of me, kissing me, making love to me. I feel awful because I know Eric is thinking about me the entire time. He doesn't deserve this...But I tell myself that it's just a phase I need to go through. I just need time and someday he'll be out of my mind.

I have received a letter from the head gamemaker, Dr. Gaul. In the letter it stated:

Ms. Barrette,

I write to you with deep and warm gratification and congratulate you for winning the 10th annual hunger games. I admire you more than you know. This year, we have decided to parade you around the districts, showing off your victory. You will have a team with you which will consist your mentor, an assistant, and your designer team. They will all contribute to making you presentable and coming up with a speech for every district. Everyone will be watching. I thank you for the most successful year and for opening the Capitol's eyes to future generations of excitement.

Warm regards,
Dr. Gaul

The letter sickens me, to know that I am the cause to more future generational harm. I never wanted to entice people to the games. The only thing I wanted to do was survive. But I know that it is my fault the games will continue. I should've have slaughtered those tributes, but I did. I did it for my own selfish impulses and everyone loved to watch as I opened up those kids. Future generations are condemned to this hell because of me.

I pack a suitcase of clothes and other things I need. I'm sure I won't need to pack a lot of clothes since they will throw me in whatever outfit they deem fitting. I need to mentally prepare myself for what I am going to do. I have to confront every family member of those tributes who had fallen, even by my own hands. It's sick and fucked up.

I feel Eric grab my waist from behind and snuggle his face in my neck. "Are you sure I can't come with?"

"I need you here with your family and mine. I need someone who I trust to look out for them. You know how there's many who are jealous of our lives."

"Yeah I know. I'll make sure nothing happens to them." He says, kissing my neck.

"Thank you," I smile.

"Have you decided?"

"Decided on what?" I ask.

"The wedding date. My mom has been hounding me for it." He laughs.

"I'm still thinking," I say.

"What about a June wedding? That would be pretty. All of the flowers would be opening up."

"Spring time is pretty," I say lost in thought. "How about June 15th?"

"For real?" He looks up at me.

"Yes, for real." I laugh.

He kisses me on the cheek. "My mother is going fine so thrilled." He walks out of the room.

A part of me has been stalling. I think to see if Coriolanus were to ever come find me, but he didn't. I know where his thoughts are, money and power. He got what he wanted and tossed me aside. Plus, Eric is good for me I think. He treats me great and loves me.

"Ashe! Someone is knocking on the door!" My mother yells.

"I'll get it!" I yell back.

"Nevermind I got it," she says.

I walk downstairs to see who it is. Maybe it's my costume designers and they came early to dress me up. I'm about halfway down the staircase and I see Coriolanus. He standing in the middle of the hall, standing upright, looking confident. He looks up and we lock eyes.

I never realized how much I yearned for him until now.