Scattering Lilac Ashes

Chapter Sixty-Six

"Alright, out with it," Elise demanded, biting aggressively into her banana at morning tea the next day. The trio were sitting in their usual spot, though the wind seemed to be cutting them harshly today. Lila was beginning to regret remaining out here when the sun was truly hiding from them behind thick, grey clouds.

"Out with what?" Lila asked, blinking rapidly in bemusement.

"With what you were going to tell us yesterday," Grace explained patiently, dipping her carrot stick in hummus.

"Since when do you have hummus with your morning tea?" Lila questioned.

"Since today. New regime. You're avoiding the topic," Grace replied pointedly.

"I... just don't want Asher and Isaac to overhear," Lila said in a low voice.

"Don't worry about that," Elise smiled mischievously. "I may have told Isaac to keep Asher away during morning tea today for this reason. Said I wouldn't help him tonight at Maccas if he didn't."

"I hope you're not going to tell him what I have to say," Lila frowned.

"'Course not," Elise said, almost suspiciously quickly. "Your secret is safe with us."

Lila inhaled deeply, closing her eyes.

"Alright. Here goes..." she said before faltering to a stop, glancing between both of them.

"Yes?" Grace said encouragingly, leaning in. Elise followed suit.

"I... figured out that I... have a crush on Asher," Lila admitted, her last sentence a very faint whisper. Elise and Grace paused as they registered what Lila had said before they both wore identical beams on their faces.

"I can't believe you've finally said it!" Elise squealed, grasping Lila's shoulders and shaking her, Elise's banana skin flapping unceremoniously on Lila's blazer. Lila's face turned a bright scarlet, but she didn't hide it. Not that she really could, with how tight Elise was holding her.

"I'm really happy that you're not denying it to yourself anymore," Grace nodded, her voice brimming with glee.

"It did take a while, didn't it?" Lila asked with a sheepish laugh.

"Sure did, ma'am," Elise laughed. "You were very stubborn about it."

"Actually, what changed?" Grace asked curiously, sipping her juice box.

"Ooh, good one," complimented Elise.

"I... don't really know for sure," Lila sighed. "I guess seeing Asher help Daniel really touched me. He didn't have to. I'm pretty sure Daniel's not even paying him. And... Daniel's really taken to Asher, I think. Asher helped him feel better about everything and encouraged him... he's really kind."

"That makes sense," Elise nodded sagely, finally letting go of Lila. "But why'd you deny it for so long? Literally everyone could see that you had a thing for him."

"Well, that's embarrassing," Lila replied, hiding her face now. "But... I guess I've just been scared."

"Scared? Of what?" Grace asked gently.

"Of... being rejected. Of what it would mean. Of what to do about it," Lila replied sullenly, her voice muffled by her hands.

"Are you not scared now?" Elise asked, her voice sounding hopeful for some reason. Lila looked up.

"Of course I'm scared. Have been for ages. Last holidays, I talked to Cecelia since her troubles with Lucas were pretty similar. I... had trouble figuring out what I wanted, especially since Asher was dating Holly and I thought they were couple goals. Obviously, I know that was wrong. But every time I thought about them together, I got this weird pain in my chest and I struggled to breathe. And even back then, I was thinking more and more that I needed to get it off my chest and at least say something. Or that it was time for me to just quietly let go and not address it at all since I wanted to stay friends with Asher. The thought of not being friends with Asher anymore has terrified me for months now. And he's been giving me these signs that he'd rather be friends. But I think... maybe my feelings now outweigh my fear and uncertainty, y'know? I just... couldn't hide from it anymore."