Scattering Lilac Ashes

Chapter One Hundred and Nine

Lila woke far earlier than she intended to, shivering intensely under her blankets. It was a disgusting 10 degrees Celsius in her room, and therefore a massive slog to get herself sorted for sport. While she knew, logically, that hockey practice would help defrost her, her main concern was actually doing the practice whilst feeling so cold.

As she begrudgingly hauled herself to the shower, she could hear the wind lashing against the windows of her house. So, not only was it cold, but it was also windy. A match made in hell for someone living in Forestglade.

Quivering in her sports uniform after having left behind a cloud of hot steam in the bathroom, Lila flicked on the ducted heater for the top floor of the house. She hoped that she'd be able to feel the heat by the time she had to go, but it was awfully slow going despite the loudness of the yawning fan of the system.

With nothing else to do, Lila packed her overnight bag with trepidation. She'd confirmed with Asher last night that she would be staying, and he'd responded happily enough... but was he actually happy that she'd be staying over? He'd suggested it, but it seemed to be more out of convenience than anything else.

It still seemed as though it would just be a casual hang out over the weekend, so she packed with that in mind. A book or two, some comfortable pyjamas, and casual clothes, along with toiletries...

She glanced at her desk before remembering, with a rush of embarrassment, that she'd need to pack the Pill as well – something that she hadn't needed to last time. She pulled her current packet out from her desk drawer and slipped it into her toiletry bag as though someone was watching her do something nefarious. Of course, she was entirely alone, but it still felt as though... well, as if it confirmed what was on her shameful mind over this past week.

She'd have to take it when Asher wasn't looking, in case he thought she was expecting something to happen. Which, she wasn't. Expecting and wanting were two very different concepts, after all.

With a sigh, Lila continued to rummage through her belongings, triple checking that she was packed and ready for the weekend as well as hockey. With half an hour to spare, she brought her bags and hockey stick down, mentally running through her manoeuvres and skills that she'd been learning, along with tactics that she'd need to employ against St Peters.

There was only so much thinking that she could do about hockey, however. As time ticked closer and closer to when she needed to leave for practice, it also meant that time ticked closer to staying over at Asher's place. Heart throbbing in her chest, she desperately tried to run through her list of things that she could do with Asher that didn't involve looking too closely at him, or just giving in to the idea of being friends with benefits. Perhaps it wasn't as bad of an idea as she'd thought, despite her sister's warning. Maybe it'd help her stop from going insane from having to suppress all these desires.

Lila clapped her face with both of her hands, dispelling the thought. She would stand firm. She'd never felt this way about anyone else – emotionally, romantically or sexually. It was of utmost importance for her to do things right – to give it the best chance at succeeding. After all... if they tried to start dating and it didn't work out, Lila had no idea what she would do. Would it ruin their friendship? She couldn't have that outcome, either. So, she needed to be strong – not give in to what she was feeling, no matter enticing the idea of acting out her thoughts was.

She wondered if perhaps that was why Asher was lingering on the idea of dating, too. Was he just as concerned as she was about it all?

"You're going to get so many wrinkles," Clare's voice drifted to Lila, breaking her out of her thoughts. Bemused by the comment, she turned to Clare, who was still dressed in her pyjamas and stretching her arms by the entrance to the living room.