Scattering Lilac Ashes

Chapter Eighty-Two

It didn't give.

Asher twisted the doorknob again, pushing against the door with his shoulder.

"Is it locked?" Lila queried, craning her neck to try and see if there was a keyhole in the doorknob.

"I didn't think the interior doors had locks," Asher replied swiftly before crouching down and peering at it. "Although... this one seems to."

With a reluctant sigh, he pulled out his lockpicking kit.

"I really am getting too used to this," Asher said quietly, tension wrench and pick in hand. "Breaking and entering into places with you wasn't on my bingo cards for this year."

"Glad you qualified that one as being 'with me' specifically," Lila teased as she watched him insert the tools into the keyhole.

"What can I say," Asher replied with an easy-going grin, "with Mum going missing last year, my bingo cards only had room for solo tasks."

"You... really weren't going to tell anyone, were you?" Lila questioned quietly. He stopped moving his tools and looked up at her with a sigh.

"Not if I could help it, no. Maybe I would've broken down and told Isaac, but definitely not as early as February."

"I'm glad you told me."

"Even though it's been crazy as hell since then?" He paused, giving Lila a brief sideways glance before mumbling, "Even though it meant hanging out with me?"

Lila crossed her arms, frowning so deeply that she wasn't sure her face would reset. "I don't regret a single second with you. Even before I figured out I liked you in that way, and even when I got rejected-" he winced but she continued, not even stopping for breath, "-if I got the option to do this year over and have a different English partner, I'd pick 'no' every time. Heck, even Piper's stalking and bullying me isn't something I'd erase because it... brought us closer together. At least, it strengthened my resolve anyway. It would've been easy for me to just back out of the investigation, rescind my assistance, and all that. But I chose to keep going, against some batshit psycho girl who tried everything to get me to back off. And because of that, I got to know a side of you I'd never seen before. Well, a few sides. A-And I f-fell for all of them..." Lila trailed off, suddenly aware that she'd spoken far too long, and said far too much. She wanted to snatch her words out of the air and shove them back in her mouth, but it was too late, of course.

Asher stared at her, his mouth agape, for a few moments. Then, the tension wrench fell out of the keyhole and onto his leg, startling him. His face turned pink again as he clumsily picked it up.

"Wow," he said simply, inserting it back into the keyhole. "I... don't know what to say to that."

"I don't think I could handle another rejection."

"Lila-"

"Only joking. It's a shit joke. Sorry. I just suddenly feel very awkward now."

They both fell silent. Asher began to work on the lock before he sighed heavily and stopped again.

"I don't regret it, either. Even though it gave me very confusing feelings when I was with my ex. I... I'm glad you don't regret it. I have a few regrets from this year. But telling you is not one of them. I'm glad I did, even if it was kinda an accident. It's been a rollercoaster of a year and the fact that you're riding it with me... is something I'd never thought possible, and I don't want to let it go."

He stared into the lock, inhaling deeply for a second. Lila could see that the tips of his ears were scarlet.

"One of my biggest regrets, of my entire life, is that I..." Asher whispered, bowing his head towards the door. "I got fucked over by... her. I'm trying my best, but..." his voice cracked, as though he was about to burst into tears. Instead of that, he took a shaky breath and gripped his tools tightly.