Trapped by Fear

Chapter 19

The next day Jack was back. Once again entering through her window and landing nimbly on the floor with a flurry of snowflakes.

"How much does a polar bear weigh?" Jack asked, catching her off guard with his sudden entrance and strange question.

"Pardon?"

"How much does a polar bear weigh?" he repeated.

"u-uh, I... don't know". She answered while thinking that this was certainly a strange way to start the day.

"Enough to break the ice!" Jack grinned, obviously proud of himself.

There was a brief pause. While Elsa was trying to comprehend the concept and Jack almost started to worry that it hadn't been as funny as he had thought. 

Then, probably laughing more at how cringy it was than the joke itself, Elsa let out small bubble of laughter. For a moment, Jack felt very pleased himself with the knowledge that he had made her laugh. Almost...warm? He dismissed the thought instantly and instead challenged her to a rematch of yesterday's snowball fight.

"No thank you," she politely declined.

"What! Why?"

"Just...no thank you."

"Is this because you lost yesterday? Don't worry, no one defeats Jack Frost the king of snowball fights! Though, ya know if you used those powers of yours, you would do much much better."

"W-w-what. N-no I can't do that. Absolutely not!" 

Not seeming to pick up on her panic Jack pressed her further. "Why not? Come on I've never got to have a snowball fight with someone else with ice powers before. Think of how epic it would be for us both to use magic!"

"I CAN'T!" She almost yelled. Then immediately withdrew into herself again, pulling her knees to her chest and staring at the ground. In barely more than a whisper she repeated, "I can't..."

"You're acting like you hate them or something"

"Maybe that's because I do..."

Jack was confused. She...hated her powers? Powers that were like his and could create beautiful, wonderful, incredible things. He'd thought it was weird before when she seemed to think that powers made her quote 'a monster', now this? Jeez, when he heard teenage boys talk about how 'complicated' and 'confusing' girls were, he never thought that it was true and yet here he was. He was the Guardian of Fun, not the Guardian of being a detective. Though now that he thought about it, that did sound pretty cool.

"I-I-it's just that- "

Oh shoot! Jack completely forgot that she was still here. Luckily, she hadn't seemed to notice that he has zoned out for a bit there. 

Almost as if she could read his mind, she began to study him out of the corner of her eye. Unbeknownst to Jack, who was more focused on pretending he had been paying attention the whole time, Elsa was evaluating him. Eying him warily, weighing if she should share some small part of herself with him. Sighing, she finished her sentence. 

"Well, it's just that I can't seem to get them to do what I want." She smiled weakly at him.

Her sentence had been vague to say the least, but she had opened up to him just that little bit more. In fact, that statement had sparked an idea in Jack's mind. He would need to call the Guardians together for a meeting. 

'Ugh' he thought, 'now he was being all administration-y and calling meetings? What was happening to him. He hoped this recent sense of responsibility was temporary, he had a reputation to keep. Top of the naughty list and all that. 

He shrugged casually and walked out the door. But cast a look of concern her way as he left. She didn't notice, she was once again lost in her own world...

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They were evil, they were cursed, and they were dangerous. But they were hers... they were a part of her that she couldn't escape from no matter how hard she tried. Even the simple task of washing her hands became a mark of shame and an ever-present reminder. Water had to be heated excessively. Then she only had a few seconds to wash her hands before she froze the water completely. She lived in almost complete isolation and was afraid of her own magic. She didn't think it could get any worse. But it did.

It worsened on that fateful day when she met Pitch for the first time. When he had materialized outside the dream realm, yet Elsa was seemingly the only one who could see him. He had not stepped out of her nightmares; he had brought them with him. Compounding her already crippling sense of dread and self-loathing.

Day after day he would return, for years on end. He was always there to remind her what damage her powers had done... and what they could and probably would still do. He was the only one who talked to her apart from her parents. But while their words were full of love, his were full of malice. For every "it will be okay" from her parents, there was a "it will not be okay" from him. Every friendly knock from Anna was accompanied by a whisper in her ear reminding her that she would always be alone. Every time she almost found brief happiness in a new toy or a beautiful bird, he would tarnish it by reminding her of what she could never have. Of what she could never be.

And so she grew up in this delicate balance. Neither hopeful nor completely consumed by despair. Just numb and alone and afraid. It was as if all the colour had been drained from her world. Leaving only a grey wasteland. 

She had been so young when it all started. Just an impressionable, innocent little girl. Completely unaware of how full of pain and suffering her future was. How cruel the Universe must be. To inflict upon a child, who could barely even read, more hardship than most adults experience in a lifetime.

It was her powers that did that to her. So yes, she did hate them.

.

.

.

But not as much as she hated herself...