Trapped by Fear

Chapter 21

(Elsa's POV)

Building my walls, conceal, don't feel, don't feel. I am ice, I am stone, I feel nothing. Putting up defenses. Around me, around my heart, around my feelings.

Just then someone came into the room. 'Oh, not now!' I thought. I'm busy trying to shut everything out. Ugh and now they were talking to me too!!! This was not the time. Just ignore them Elsa I said to myself. I can't afford this right now. I need to box myself up again. Them and their stupid questions. Trying to dig up my past. I don't want to remember, I just want to forget everything. Because in remembering, all the old pain resurfaces...

...I deserved it though, my time with Pitch and all the pain. It's just my penance for all the harm I caused. But still selfishly I want to forget. Selfishly I want to stop punishing myself but pain is all I deserve. I've never been any good to anyone, but I don't want to think about that now. I wish they hadn't come in. Maybe I should find a way to lock the door like I did as a child, like I lock my heart...

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(Jack's POV)

Arriving at Elsa's door, I knocked. I did not feel like using the window this time, I was annoyed and just not in the mood. I knocked again but no answer. I listened but couldn't hear anything. It was unlocked of course so I cautiously pushed it open and made my way inside.

Elsa was sitting on the floor again. Body tense, hands clenched in her lap, staring intently at nothing in particular.

"Uh hi," I greeted

No answer.

Taking a step closer I tried again,

"Hello? Elsa?"

Still nothing.

What was I doing, what was I even trying to accomplish here? I had been so miffed at getting dumped with work again that I hadn't thought of a plan. Get information right? How hard could it be? Well pretty hard considering that she was ignoring me. A look of annoyance flashed across her face as soon as I started talking (well at least I think that was she emotion I saw, it's hard to tell with her). I even tried small talk about the weather, thought that was stupid I mean what can you even say? 'yes lots of snow at the North Pole. fascinating,' bleh. I tried asking how she was, how she had been, blatantly inquiring about her time with Pitch and exactly what happened, her favorite colour.

Nothing

Eventually I gave up and left. That was one weird girl. Snowball fights once day and stone cold apathy the next.

------time skip------

Oh hooray, today was going to be such fun (not). Mr. stupid face (Bunny) was wanting to know how my "intelligence gathering" was going. He thinks I won't succeed but I'll show him alright. But that does mean that I'm now on my way to talk to the girl who famously doesn't talk much. I really really wanted to be annoyed with her but I just couldn't bring myself to. I felt bad for her but regardless I still needed to get something, anything out of her.

I got to the door and, sighing, gave a halfhearted knock.

"Elsa! Can I come in?" 

No answer

I tried again but still no answer.

Did she get kidnapped again? That would definitely not be good.

"Last warning! I'm coming in 3...2...1- oh" She was just sitting there, again, silently, staring...

I casually twirled my staff as I walked over to her, causing a flurry of snowflakes to dance across the room. Once I reached her I crossed my arms and leant on the crook of my staff. She didn't seem to even notice me.

"So, what's up today?" I tried. I mean it had worked before.

No reply as usual. Maybe I shouldn't have made that bet with Bunny about this. An uneasy silence settled in the room as i racked my brain trying to think of something to say. To my surprise and slight relief, North entered the room soon after.

"Ah Jack I see you are here too but I must ask you both to leave now."

"What? Why?"

"I need to set up the protection spell and do not want risk you messing it up ho ho"

"Hey! Why does everyone always assume I will cause trouble and mess stuff up?!"

"When you are no longer top of naughty list we can have this discussion again." He replied with a twinkle in his eye.

"Okay but-"

"Unless you want to stay and help with all the work of-"

"On second thought you make a very good point. We should probably go, seeya!"

With that I grabbed Elsa and swiftly departed out the window.

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(Elsa's POV)

One moment I'm sitting on the floor trying to 'conceal, don't feel' and the next I'm jumping out a window onto the floor below. Looking up I saw, ah yes, once again Jack Frost dragging me places.

"I wish u wouldn't do that" I grumbled.

"Oh, so now you're talking to me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh I don't know how about ignoring me completely for days on end! ok it was like 2 days but still!"

"Well I don't-!" 

I paused, looking around at the room we were in. A library, floor to ceiling books. it even had one of those wheelie ladder things. It was breathtaking, the room was filled with the smell of old book and my fingers were itching to pull one out and open it.

I looked to Jack, who didn't seem to have noticed the room yet and asked, "D-d-do you think I could read some of them?" I asked hopeful but cautious," please?"

He took a minute to process what I was talking about and, following my gaze, finally clicked it and answered "I don't know, who even cares that much about books anyway, I'm sure it's fine. go for it."

I was hesitant to do so without express permission but my desire to lose myself in a book overcame that. Anxious, lest I should lose my chance I grabbed the first few books I could reach and eagerly began flipping through them.

I noticed jack looking over my shoulder. I tried to ignore him. They were mainly factual books, some fairy tales, and some others I couldn't quite place. I'd always loved books. even before 'the incident'. They were a great way to pass those lonely hours and to escape into a world different from my own and forget my troubles for a while. Those characters became my only friends and offered me a sense of solace that was hard to find anywhere else. How long had it been since I last settled in with a good book?

"What's so great about books anyway?" Jack's question startled me and I nearly dropped the book I was holding. He did not seem impressed or intrigued as I was by the books.

"It's just uh, fun you know? And a chance to forget for a bit" I said with a soft, sad smile before straightening out my features again and making sure my walls were up before I continued reading. Shoulders hunched protectively over the book and my back to him to discourage further interruptions. 

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A/N: SO UPDATE!! I finally edited this chapter. Thanks for all your patience. please don't be afraid to comment with thoughts or feedback. It really makes my day and I am always looking for constructive criticism to improve my writing.

~till next time~