The Girl No One Knew

Chapter 8

Aang had escaped, and Zuko wasn't taking the failure very well. He pushed his training harder, became more closed off. It became harder for me to get through to him. I blamed myself for his losing the avatar, but - in his rare moments of being himself again - did what he could to convince me that it wasn't my fault. The funny thing was, he didn't even know why I was blaming myself.

I spent less nights at the crew's little celebrations, which meant Zuko spent very little time outside of his room. This was a huge concern of Iroh's.

"I've never seen you so distant from my nephew before," he'd told me one morning during breakfast.

I only shrugged it off. "I'm sure it's only temporary...." I didn't exactly believe it myself, so I hardly expected Iroh to. "Iroh... Have you ever cared deeply about someone, but you did something that could possibly put a strain on things?"

The old man raised an intrigued eyebrow. "I am very curious now. What is it you did?" I needed to get it off my chest. I explained to him how I'd left the ship and went ahead to warn the tribe, how things probably could've gone differently had I not tried to get involved. He listened closely to every word with sincere expressions. "If I were you," he finally said, "I would tell him what happened, and face the outcome with honor."

"You're probably right," I sighed helplessly. "Thank you, General Iroh." I gave him a hug, bowed, and made my way to Zuko's quarters. I knocked gently on the door, but there was no response.

I tried again, and again a third time. Finally, a crew member, who had been cleaning the corridor, came near and said, "He's off somewhere, training."

My face burned in slight embarrassment. "Oh, thank you." I bowed, though most people would advise me not to do so to those of his status. Nervously tucking loose strands of hair behind my singed ear, I was off to find Zuko again. Lo and behold, he was right. Zuko was undergoing firebending training with three of the soldiers. I stood in the doorway, watching him. Each strike was fierce, like he was putting every ounce of anger and frustration into it. He probably was.

After the battle had finished, Zuko's partners all filed out of the room, but not without giving me their harmony of hellos.

Finally, I had Zuko alone.

"Hey," he said as he covered his naked torso with his typical attire. "Is everything okay?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you seem to be avoiding me," he pointed out. "What's going with you?" He stepped closer to me and looked down at me, gently pushing my hair behind my ear. He frowned and asked, "What happened to your ear?"

"You know, you're asking a lot of questions." I was avoiding them both, and he was well aware of it.

"Saki...."

"It's fine, Zuko," I shrugged as if I meant it. "Just a little mishap."

"Did one of my soldiers do this?" He lowered his voice into a growl. "I swear I'll-"

I cut him off. "No, no. I just got caught in a crossfire," I half lied. "It was just an accident."

Not wanting to lose his temper, he sighed in frustration and pinched the bridge of his nose momentarily. "Alright," he finally said. "Alright, but that doesn't answer my other question."

"Um, what was your question, again?" He frowned at me, seeing through my facade.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" He sounded hurt, which broke my heart.

"Because...." Oh no. This was it. I had to tell him. "I feel like it was my fault you didn't catch the Avatar, you know?"

"Why would you think that?"

Here it comes, I thought. "Because...I've been such a distraction. I wouldn't let you focus on your goal. Making you join the small parties the crew would have, not letting you have any alone time."

Nope. Couldn't do it.

"That's why you think that child was able to escape? Because you want to spend time with me?" When I shrugged in response, he wrapped his arms around me tightly and rested his chin on top of my head. "That isn't your fault, Saki. He escaped because I underestimated him and his friends — that won't happen again." I pressed my forehead against his chest and sighed. This was all going to be a bigger mess than it already was. How wonderful.

We stood there like that for what felt like hours, but was only actually five minutes. "It's getting late," I said, sounding just as tired than I felt. I watched his candle burn low, my cue to leave so he could rest. He looked down at me sadly, silently begging me to stay. Sometimes I forgot that the Zuko I grew up with was still inside of him, and would sometimes fight to make even the slightest reappearance.

"I'll come back later," I promised him. "Just....get some sleep. Okay?" He nodded, staying where he stood in his darkening room. I closed the metal door behind me, which creaked from repairs after the incident with Aang.

I quickly walked to my own chambers, sighing as I closed the door behind me. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why hadn't I just told him? Right, because this wouldn't have been awkward: "Oh, by the way, I went ahead and warned the village that you were coming when you weren't paying attention. The avatar just so happened to be there, but it's okay because it's not like you caught him anyway, right? Okay, goodnight!"

This little internal argument went on for about an hour. That was when I finally pushed it to the back of my mind, deciding to pretend it never happened. I combed my hair into a braid, making my way back to Zuko's quarters. Slowly pushing the door open, I crawled into the bed with him, pressing my face into his back. Based on his deep breathing, I could tell he was asleep.

"I'm sorry," I whispered into the warm fabric of his robe, closing my eyes as he turned over. His arm wrapped around me as he whispered into my ear, "I know."