The Girl No One Knew

Chapter 13

The rest of that day went by in a haze. Watching the home collapse, giving the little boy to a villager, and returning to the ship. Except I didn't remember returning to the ship. It was just as if I'd teleported from in front of the wreckage to standing on deck as it set sail.

"Saki," Zuko looked at me with concern, anger pushed back but still visible. "Saki, look at me." I did, and he frowned. "What happened to you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You're covered in ash," he said, rubbing his thumb against my forehead. "And bleeding.... Saki, what on earth happened to you?" I didn't need to answer. "You were on the island..."

"I had to help them, Zuko. You and your soldiers were going to burn down the entire village if I hadn't gone to help." I shook my head. "I failed, anyway.... That little boy — he's motherless now. All because I didn't stick with instinct and take her with us." A tear slid down my cheek, leaving a clean streak on my ash-covered face. He didn't say anything else. He wrapped his arms around me, and we stood in silence. Zuko led me to my quarters and told me to rest, which I tried to do. It only lasted for about two hours.

My door creaked open, and in stepped Bao with a tray. He knelt down in front of me and set the tray between us. On it were two cups and a steaming pot of mint jasmine tea — my favorite. "I thought you might need this," he said as he poured tea into a cup and handed it to me. "Are you alright?" He looked up at me, frowning when I didn't answer. "Saki..."

"Hm?" I was really out of it, and it was obvious. There was no point in hiding it. "I'm just... I don't know... Things are getting crazy, Bao. Zuko's obsession is becoming really scary, and I'm worried. He's so desperate for his father's approval that he's willing to take such dark measures. I can't help but think, 'What is he going to do next? Is he even himself anymore?'"

"I know you're worried," Bao sighed, sitting next to me, "but he's got you and General Iroh to keep him grounded. Neither of you would ever let him get out of hand, right?" I nodded. Bao put his arm around me and held me close to comfort me, and it worked. I set my tea on the tray and laid my head on his chest.

And we sat there. Not saying anything else. Not moving. Just sitting together in the silence of my room. I watched steam emitting from my tea, fading into the air. I blamed myself for all of this, even though I knew it wasn't my fault. I should've just helped him, I thought to myself. I should've helped him capture Aang instead of getting in the way.

Another part of me argued, If you hadn't helped, just imagine all of the people that would've suffered. You're doing the right thing. You're keeping your promise to Ursa.

"Saki," Bao's voice snapped me out of my thoughts. "Did you hear a single word I just said?"

I shook my head. "Sorry..." Bao sighed and told me to drink my tea, and that he'd have to leave before Zuko came in and had another tantrum about the two of us being alone together. I didn't disagree with him. Bao stood up and left the room to return to his duties, leaving me with just the steaming tea and my thoughts.

I played with the ruby dangling from my necklace, sipping my tea until the teapot was empty and my body was warm. Maybe I was doing the right thing, I thought to myself. I gave myself a slight smile and left my quarters, heading out on deck. A few guards gave me a slight side glance, all of them looking concerned. I didn't expect much else, of course. I had just had a breakdown in front of them, after all. They'd never seen that part of me. I had never seen that part of me. I took my place at the railing of the ship, watching the waves lap against the sides of the ship as we sailed. The salty wind filled my lungs.

"You seem happy again," Iroh said from being me, startling me as he always did. I was beginning to think that he only did this to out of sheer enjoyment.

"Better, yes," I answered as he stood next to me. "I haven't quite reached happy in a very, very long time." I looked over to find him watching the waves, too. "I guess things just aren't how I'd ever imagined."

"And how did you imagine them?"

"Well," I breathed out, "I never imagined living in the Fire Nation palace, nor had I imagined becoming so close with people of the royal family. I never pictured myself living on a warship on a voyage to seek out the avatar. And I never pictured Zuko becoming so obsessed with this search that he'd willingly burn down an entire village of innocent people."

Iroh let out a heavy sigh, changing his focus to the clouds in the sky. "My nephew has definitely turned into and different man than anyone had hoped for. But I have faith that time will change him for the better." He looked at me with a smile. "But you've helped to keep him from going too far," he added. "I'm proud of you."

I shook my head, smiling back. "Don't say that," I said. "Not until I've done something worth being proud of. Something big."