In Between All The Chaos

Chapter 32

"Im so sorry baby, I didn't want to hurt you or scare you but you are right I shouldn't have sent you out. I just didn't want you seeing my anger with nyonika and things usually get ugly"

"I like ugly" she says

"Then next time you can stay and if I don't look at you or tell you to leave you star back and smack some sense in me okay"

She giggles nodding as she begins to play with the buttons on my t shirt

"You are okay right?"

"I am okay, sometimes when I am stressed out I faint" she says bobbing her head

"Well let's not have that happen again"

"You got scared?" She asks

"Scared is an understatement nandini, I was beyond scared, I don't want to lose you ever and seeing you like that freaked me out"

"It won't happen again" she whispers kissing my chest

"What do you want to eat?" I ask

"I want chicken pasta" she says after thinking for a second

"Baby pasta isn't too healthy"

"But chicken is so it balances out, please mani"

i smile kissing her nose

"I love you' she mumbles

"I love you more, don't ever think of leaving me and thinking that you are not worthy of me, if anything I am not worthy of an angel like you"

"you make me feel loved and I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking straight"

'it's okay love" I whisper kissing her head

i grab a chocolate bar from the cabinets and hand it to her

"Munch on this till I make food' I tell her

"Can you cuddle with me after?" She asks

"Sure I can, do you wanna maybe put on a movie and make some popcorn for the night?"

"That will be perfect, I just want to be close to you" I smile hearing her

While I made us food, she didn't talk much, her focus was somewhere and I didn't want to interrupt just because I know she is forming her thoughts into sentences. Even while I was feeding her pasta, her eyes were on the tv but her brain wasn't focused on the tv.

"Baby put this on" I tell her giving her my hoodie

"Im not cold" she whispers

"I know, we are going out for a minute" she nods pulling the hoodie over her head

i pick her up in my arms carrying her to the terrace, I sit in the hammock with her in my arms. Her eyes shine looking at the stars as they shine back at her.

"I had such a happy family, dad, mom and me. We were all so happy until i turned 6. I remember it was my birthday party when Sheena first stepped into our house, my house. He introduced her as his secretary but gosh I was so naive to think she was just that, a secretary. She kept coming to the house and my mum, she was always so nice and perfect but then violence started at home. It was almost like everything Mumma would do triggered him, he would hit her and push her around, I couldn't understand what was going on until this one day I came back from school and he had mhm he" her voice shaky

i kiss her head letting her know I'm here and she can talk to me

"He pushed her so hard, she hit her head on the table. There was blood everywhere, he would't even call for help, he just left, he left the house. By the time I got help and we got to the hospital, she had lost too much blood. They couldn't do anything, I did all the rituals there were because my father didn't come, he didn't care where I was and he didn't care if I was home or not. Years went on and all the violence that I saw from afar was now being implied on me. He would hit me, starve me sometimes all because that women lied to him and said I was hurting her. You know Manik, he married her a week after my mum passed away, he couldn't even fucking wait, he couldn't wait"

I don't have enough words to comfort her, I don't have enough to tell her it will be okay. She has been through so much

"I pulled through for years until about a month before I came here, he tried to"

"Tried to what nandini?"

"He tried to get me arranged marriage to someone, an alcoholic. It was all because he is having a kid with Sheena. You know for a minute I was happy that they are having kids, it's something I wish upon everyone. Every women who wants kids should be able to so I was happy but he tried to give me away like I was an old piece of trash"

"you aren't"

"I tried to end my life"

"You what?" I scream a little, even hearing it makes my breath hitch

"I tried but I couldn't because mukti called right in time, I had turned on the video camera by accident and she saw, she saw me sitting in that bathtub"

"Jaan you can't do that"