S⃨k⃨a⃨t⃨i⃨n⃨g⃨ d⃨o⃨w⃨n⃨ r⃨a⃨i⃨l⃨r⃨o⃨a⃨d⃨s⃨ <3

Chp. 35.2: pills and testosterone

WARNING: 18+ content!
- mentions of anxiety, pills and depression

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As more people filled them room, Oikawa's nerves grew twice every time he heard the entrance door open and close, scared he'd recognize the rhythm of one specific person's steps.

His hands were clammy so he decided to wipe them on his pants. He let out a big sigh. Could he handle seeing him again? His hands started shaking familiarly. He grabbed his shaking wrist with his other hand, attempting to stop the incoming anxiety attack.

His left hand reached into his pants pocket to find the pills he so desperately brings along every single time he steps foot out of a house.
He put one in his mouth and swallowed it dry like he's done it thousands of times before, which he has.

Meanwhile, Suna was preparing the mic for his speech. Nervously praying that he didn't make Oikawa uncomfortable. 'Where the fuck is Atsumu?' He thought as he scanned the room for the irresponsible blonde.

As he grabbed the mic and it made a screeching sound, everything got quiet.

"Hello everyone, Osamu and me have invited you all here today because you are people precious to us. We want to share the joy of our engagement with you and want to take this huge step into a new life joined by you all. We want to thank you for taking your time and coming all the way here to celebrate with us collectively. I've been blessed so much that I could spend the past years together with someone who has made me the happiest me I've ever been. I knew it wasn't a mistake to get matching tattoos at our young age, I felt it in my heart. Along the way I met amazing people all thanks to my best friend Atsumu, who is currently nowhere to be found but soon will be-"

A collection of giggles and chuckles rang through the room.

"- but this celebration wouldn't be complete without a very special person to all of us. So as a surprise I invited that person to be present here tonight as-"

It didn't take long for Iwaizumi to put two and two together. He felt Ill, as if he was just punched in the gut after eating dinner. Suna's voice faded away into the background as he lost focus imagining who could be present here. The thought scared him.
Those chocolate brown orbs haunted his mind everyday. The possibility of seeing the person he loved (loves) made his skin itch with anxiety and nerves.

He began scratching his wrist, the skin turning red and blotchy.
He felt someone grabbing his wrist, stopping him for continuing.
He looked at Kuroo as his friend gave him a concerned look, probably knowing what was going on in his head. Maybe his therapist didn't do his job as good as he thought.

"- so everyone please welcome him back with warmth and love."

Everything seemed to go in slow motion as Oikawa stepped in the room. He was glowing, his hair fluffy and messy up to perfection. His button op didn't hide the muscles he slightly gained over the years.

Iwaizumi felt his heart hammering in his chest, he didn't know if it was anxiety, happiness, love or excitement. All he knew was that He never stopped loving the person who just entered. But he wasn't his anymore. He didn't have any right to feel that way anymore. He felt powerless. As if Oikawa was forever out of reach.
Tears brimmed his eyes but he refused to let them free. He hung his head low and pursed his lips. Shame filled his entire body as he felt suffocated. He felt as if he didn't deserve being in the same room as Oikawa after putting him through his foolish decisions.

So as all of his friends screamed with excitement and all tackled Oikawa in a hug with tears in their eyes, he stood up and walked out of the room, going unnoticed by the brown haired boy who afterwards wondered why his ex wasn't present.