Glimpse of Yesterday

Chapter 9

Chapter 9

"What? What did you say?"

I guess I was mistaken, aren't I?

"Yes! You heard it right! It was your mother who cheated first! And yes! I settled for less because I loved him first before your mom but he still chose her over me! And so, I was happy when he said she cheated on him!" She cried.

"W-Well... that's because he abused her!" I defended Mom, my real Mom.

"No! She cheated twice so your father cannot take it anymore! He wanted for revenge so I gave myself as an option! It's just one night, Alessia! One wrong mistake but I was happy! Because I loved him! But fuck! Even in his darkest days, he didn't even think of me! He didn't even remember me! All he did was to mention her and her and her and her!"

I was unable to utter any words when her knees softened as she sobbed on the floor.

"I love your father so I let him cheat on me. I know... I know how he missed her. I know how I wasn't enough for him. I know that I was just an option for him but what can I do? I love him. And even if I wanted to... even if I wanted to control my emotions, I just can't. I just can't, Alessia." She weakly said while her tears were non-stop.

That slapped me hard. I guess I crossed the line too much. She was still my sister's mom so I shouldn't make her cry.

"M-Mom..."

"I was hurt too, Alessia. Really really hurt. I wanted to control my emotions thinking that I'm the only one who'll suffer at the end but I let myself ruined others in order for me to be whole. I let myself be happy in a short period of time in order for the loneliness of my heart that had been one sided for years to at least, just once, felt being loved by the one I love... even if it wasn't long." She then covered her face with her palms and sobbed.

"I-I'm sorry..."

The door clanked and I saw my sister coming out of her room. She had a bloodshot eye when she went near us. She kneeled down and hugged her mom tightly while I was left standing, doing nothing.

"I know my mom's a cheater, you don't have to repeat it a thousand times, Alessia. Why can't you at least move on? You always made it look like that we're the bad one and a burden to you. Do you want us to move?" My sister, my beloved sister said coldly.

I shook my head and swallowed hard.

"No... no... I-I'm sorry."

"I'm sick of those words, Alessia. Whenever you got back from work, you shout at me saying not to bother you. Whenever you got into a fight with mom, you always call her a cheater and a mistress. I get it, we're useless and you're the breadwinner here but I can work. I can work for both me and mom if we're being too much for you to handle."

"No... no... I didn't mean that. I was just tired so I was unable to control my emotions. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry."

But instead of responding, they both sobbed while hugging each other, reminding me of the figure of me and my mom when dad was abusing us.

I bitterly smile at the mere sight of it.

Am I being like my dad? He's gone... but still, they cried and it's because of me. Am I a bad person like my dad too?

I stepped backward and decided to leave them. I grabbed my shoulder bag and went outside because it feels like I'm a threat to them.

My mind was blank when I went to the rooftop to have some fresh air. The sun was bright and sky was misty. The voice of the cars overpowered the hum of the bird and the sweet embrace of the wind ruled over the bitterness of my feeling as the positive caress of the nature attracted the negativity off my thoughts.