Glimpse of Yesterday

Chapter 44

Trigger Warning: Disturbing thought of a character that could be alarming.

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Chapter 44

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Mom hugged me tight.

It has been a month since Andra died but pain, guilt, sadness and anger were still  planted in my heart.

I gave mom my weary smile.

“I want to be alone. Can you leave me?” I asked, tired.

She sighed and nodded.

“Okay. Just call me when you need me, okay? I’m sorry, I really need to go back to New York.”

I nodded and closed my eyes. Mom covered my body with a comforter and kissed my forehead before I heard the door clanked.

Minutes later, I opened my eyes in the utter darkness and stared at nothingness for a long period of hours.

Andra left and he. . .

I bit my lower lip when I remember the time I went to New York to ask Lia about his state after weeks of Andra’s death.

“He disappeared.” She avoided my gaze.

“What?”

“He disappeared, Alessia! He failed being a doctor! He suffered a Major Depressive Disorder weeks after being confined! Happy?!” She fumed.

I gulped. I thought he would be okay.

“Where?” My voice trembled.

“I don’t know! I don’t know! I don’t want to see your face! Get out!” She pushed me out of her condo.

Lia hated me.

I understand her. I’m sure I crossed the line too much that it affected Grayson that much.

I tried contacting him but it looks like he threw all his phone. No one’s answering. No connection of him. Even his Instagram or other account were deactivated.

Major Depressive Disorder. . . is it because of me? Is it because of our break-up?

I remembered what Grayson said the last time I saw him.

“Communication is important in all kind of relationship!”

But I failed that.

Now, I’m regretting the fact that I always choose silence over communication. I realize that I was really a toxic person.

I hate toxic people yet I’m toxic myself.

Hypocrite. You’re a great hypocrite, Alessia.

It’s already in the middle of the night. I’m sure everyone’s already asleep but here I am, blaming myself over and over again. I’m so sick of this.

I stood and with a dead-like body, I went to the cabinet and opened the door.

Rope. . . You seems so shiny right now. You seems so tempting. Wonder how would it feel when you’re wrapped around my neck?

Without any second thought, I grabbed the rope that was hidden on my cabinet and a chair.

Humming, I positioned the rope on the ceiling while I was standing on the chair.

Should I write a letter just like Andra?

So I decided to come down first and write a letter for mom.

Done. Who’s next?

I gulped when I remember the man who healed me and saved me seven years ago— no, eight years ago.