Futility, death, brokenness, shame.
These fears control me.
The master of deceit rules me with them.
From them, to them, for them, in fear of them;
I am ruled.
Of course I don't know what to do, I have no clue what to do, I feel no control over my actions, and yet I am the one who takes these actions I hate and hate myself for, how can I live like this? how can I be alive? I feel as though I cannot change anything.
"It's like my life is one big circle, I'm tryna go forwards, but I'm in reverse still" - Nathan Feuerstein ("Circles" (Moments)).
How does one break this pressure?
How do you live?
And does everyone live with this.
God, if You are really there, please help me.
I need help. I want to live for You. But You need to be real? I need to know You, God. Please BREAK ME, humble me, bring me home, instill in me the faith I need for eternal life, and show me how to live for You, please God, if You are who You say You are, and You gave all this for me, would You also show me how to live all this for You?
If all this futility, death, brokenness, and shame points to anything about You, it's that I cannot do this without You. I ask that You would be with me, that You would show me the other way to do this, show me how to do this with You.
And if You are real, I want to thank You. Jesus, God come down for me, I cannot repay this debt, but what I ask of You is that You would help me to live the rest of my life to honor, make known, and live for what You have done.
I want to do this, please show me how.
If You are not the way, the truth, and the life, then these are, in fact, my death.
I don't know if this is true or not, but this is how I feel.
"I don't see you like I should, you look so misunderstood, and I wish I could, help, but it's kinda hard when I hate myself, pray to God with my arms open, pray to God with my arms open, if this is it, then I feel hopeless, and I wish I could help, but it's kinda hard when I hate myself." - NF ("Hate Myself" (The Search).
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Poetry/Prayers to God (2023)
PoesíaI've kept a prayer journal for the past month, and I can definitely see how it can be lyrical, I definitely won't be putting all of my prayers here, and with it being for anyone to read, it will likely focus on things less personal to my life, as we...
