Better Luck in Next Life

Chapter 20. Aisha

Every morning, I'm reminded of an ocean of guilt. It's not the feeling of being left out or cursed.
Every morning reminds me that I'm the inescapable cold night, people face every single day unwillingly, hoping to get rid of it but endures it after the departure of dusk.

It was Christmas Eve. He suggested a vacation, but I declined outright. My vacation is an everyday routine – from the bedroom to the hall, and then from the kitchen to the bedroom.

Luke invited Kristen to our home, and I ordered takeout. The moment she saw me, disappointment flashed across her face.
She asked, "Why are you still in his house?"
I questioned, "Why?"
She replied, stepping towards me, "He knows Martin Joe is behind all of this."
So he must have known that I helped him all along. Why am I still breathing then?

Luke interrupted, "What does Joe's family have to do with Little Missy?"

Kristen: Luke, you—

Luke: I asked you here to take these documents. Read carefully before making any decisions.

I headed to my room, and he trailed behind.
"What?" I asked without turning back.
He remarked, "It's Christmas. No vacation, no outing, no celebration. What do you plan to do at home?"
"Nothing. Just lie on the bed until the clock strikes 10 am," I said, facing him.
He ordered, "Press my shirt. I'm wearing it for a party tonight."

I pressed it and handed it over. He undressed without warning, and I turned my back,  fixated on the wall, as he was blocking the door.
"Wanna join me?"
"I prefer staying home alone."
"Movie?"
"Are you done?"
"You don't talk much. Why?"
Sometimes I talk too much, creating more trouble. Over the years, I've learned to keep quiet.
"I'm leaving. Take care."  He left.

Bored, I peeked outside through the windows, captivated by the pink lining of clouds as dusk approached. A silky breeze seemed to pull my soul from my body, enticing me with the beautiful weather.
The ring of the bell snapped me out of my reverie. Realizing I was already outdoors, I decided to take a stroll down the street.
I walked through a park and then into a market. Stopping at a shop holding a lottery, I decided to give it a try since the initial attempt was free. I spun the wheel, utilizing all three chances, but luck wasn't on my side. Why does my luck never align with my happiness? Even when I spent money, I couldn't secure a win. Frustrated with my bad luck, I moved to another store offering free dinner tickets for tonight. I waited in line for a whole hour, only to be left empty-handed. It seems these things only happen to me. They announced that the tickets were sold out.
Walking away, suddenly, they announced another spare ticket. Yet, my place had already been taken.

With not enough money for bread, I settled for a packet of chips. Seated on a bench, I scrolled through Instagram while munching on chips. I hated witnessing people indulge in extravagance while all I can do is gaze at the stars. This is one of the reasons why I'm inactive on social media, take a rain check for gatherings, and yet my friends complain about it.

The small child, who had been observing me, reached out for the chips. Offering him some, he joyfully indulged. Suddenly, his mother shoved me back, reprimanding me for giving him the chips.

"He suffers from gastric issues at such a young age, and you gave him those unhealthy chips."
"I sincerely apologize. I had no idea."
"If you were unaware, you could have refrained. Why display your kindness? We're not beggars."
"You know, you've got some issues. If I hadn't offered, you would have labeled me a heartless rascal. Yet, when I did it out of courtesy, you blame me for showing off."
"Behave, little one. Just because I'm not arguing, you're scolding me. Will you take responsibility if something happens to him?"

She walked away, taking her son along.

"I don't see where I went wrong," I muttered. Picking up a few chips, a surge of disgust hit me before I could eat them. I tossed the packet into the trash bin, sitting in silence for a few minutes. Unable to restrain tears, I resumed walking. My steps halted as I observed an outdoor celebration by people around my age. Dancing, singing, cheering around the decorated tree adorned with gifts. I loathed that moment. Briefly, I admitted that if I possessed some superpower, I would have made them all vanish.
Wiping off my tears, I turned to leave but accidentally bumped into someone. Annoyed with myself, I simply shrugged and walked past him, neglecting to offer an apology.

"Hey," he called out.

I clenched my fist and retorted, "Sorry. Satisfied now?" without bothering to look back.

"I don't need your apology. Wanna join?"

I turned to face him.