Sleeping With My Best Friend - (Complete)

Chapter 29 - Berkley's Failed Confession

Dean laughed with a smile on his face, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Funny story. So ummm, when your Dad told me you were bringing Zander to the Christmas dinner, I hated the thought of looking all pathetic and single while you two sat there all coupled up, so I told your Dad I was bringing my girlfriend," Dean said, raising his head and looking into her eyes. He hesitated, before adding, "The problem was, I didn't actually have one. So I asked my friend Stacia to come with me and pretend."

"What!?" Berkley asked, raising her eyebrows in shock. "You guys were pretending?"

"Yeah," he nodded, laughing. "Stacia and I were never actually dating."

She sat there trying to wrap her head around the fact that she had been balling her eyes out in the bathroom on Christmas Day over a relationship that wasn't even real. It felt real though. Very real.

"Are you sure there aren't some real feelings there? She ummm, she really looked like she was in love with you," Berkley asked hesitantly.

"No," he scoffed with a laugh. "She's actually a lesbian and her and her girlfriend have been together for years. She's just a really good actress."

"Wow. Yeah, I'd say so," Berkley laughed, shaking her head in disbelief. "She deserves an Oscar for that performance."

"I'll have to let her know you said that. I actually called her on my way over here to tell her I was gonna climb in your window so we could work our shit out. She told me good luck and said she's rooting for us."

Then he looked down and cleared his throat before saying, "Speaking of working our shit out, earlier you said that us taking a break from our friendship wasn't what you actually wanted to talk to me about that day when everything went down. So umm, what was it then?"

That question caught her off guard because she wasn't mentally prepared to have that conversation right now. She wanted to tell him the truth and get it over with, but she wasn't sure how he was going to react. The possibility of him rejecting her was terrifying.

If she didn't do it now though, she may never have the guts to. Then she'd have to watch him date other women and maybe even marry somebody else, without ever knowing how she really felt about him. She couldn't imagine anything worse. It was now or never. She had to do it.

She hesitated for a few seconds before looking down at her hands and saying, "Honestly, I'm kind of scared to tell you what I planned to say that night. If you knew, it might fuck up our friendship for good," she said, taking in a deep breath and letting it out as she lifted her head and looked into his eyes. "but if I don't tell you, I'll always wonder what might've happened if I did."

Looking at him made her heart beat a little faster. She laughed nervously, feeling her cheeks flush as she broke eye contact and looked back down at the floor. "That night, the reason I wanted to talk to you was because I was going to confess to you that I umm ......"

She kept her eyes down to avoid looking at him, picking at her fingernails as she said, "I ummm. I know we had an agreement that no feelings were gonna get involved, and I tried. I really did. But it was stupid for me to think I could have sex with you without feeling anything. I mean, I'm closer to you than anybody else in the world."

She took a quick breath before continuing, "And I don't blame you for rejecting me. None of this was your fault. This whole thing was my idea in the first place and I knew you didn't do serious relationships but I still let myself feel things I shouldn't, which might have been really stupid and reckless on my part, but I couldn't help it," she said so quickly the words flowed together.

"Berkley," he laughed. "You're rambling. You always do that when you get nervous. Just take a breath and tell me what you're trying to say."

She raised her head and looked at him, giving him a weak smile. "I'm sorry. I'm trying to get to the point. I promise," she said with an exhale, trying to gather her thoughts, but they were all over the place and her heart was pounding hard and her hands were getting clammy. This wasn't going how she had hoped.