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XXVII

The rest of dinner went by uneventfully, except for the piece of chicken getting stuck in Nathan’s respiratory system, throwing him into a coughing fit so fierce he knocked over two giant cups of soda, literally flooding their table and causing all musicians around it to jump up in fear with their instrument cases pressed against them. Needless to say, the food was unsalvageable and because half of the group’s stomachs weren’t really filled, they went for the nearest bubble tea store.

“Black sugar milk tea, half sugar no ice!”, Brett and Eddy ordered in unison when they got to the counter. They looked at each other as laughter bubbled up in them. 
“What was that?”, Nathan asked, eyebrows vanished behind brown curls.
“Bubble tea?”, Brett said, still giggling. Eddy huffed. 
“Don’t tell me you didn’t rehearse this!”
“We didn’t. Just both have the best taste in tea, I guess”, Brett remarked, a warmth filling him upon recalling last time they’d gotten bubble tea. He guessed Eddy felt similar judging by how his features lit up even more.

“Hey, you okay?”
It had taken some time for the store to prepare around fifteen orders and when they walked back to the con, the sun had just disappeared behind the horizon, the remaining light painting stunning hues from dark orange to different shades of pink on the sky. The air had that early evening smell, a bit salty from the sea and nature breathing a sigh of relief after a hot summer day.
Eddy gave Brett a quick glance. “Fine. Why?” 
“Lauren was a real pain in the ass during dinner. Just want to make sure you’re alright after what happened.”
Something in Eddy’s eyes made Brett’s heartbeat accelerate instantly, in a bad way however, like when he would watch someone go on stage and be nervous for them. 
The taller took a careful sip from his tea. “What Lauren said didn’t bother me. I don’t really care when people I don’t know don’t like me. It’s just…”
“Yeah?”, Brett tried encouragingly. Now that he thought back, Eddy had kept his composure surprisingly well when Lauren had shot at him. It had been later, when…
Eddy looked around to check if anyone was close by. 
“This guy from your con, with the brown hair…”
“Nathan?”
“Yeah, I think so. When he asked why I ignored you in the beginning… I just hate situations like these!” The last words were hissed in anger.
“I get it”, Brett sighed. “Who likes to be called out, right?”
Eddy shook his head wildly. “It’s not Nathan. It’s…”
He inhaled sharply and looked away. “Forget it. I’m fine!”
A deep frown formed in-between Brett’s eyebrows as he looked at his new friend. 
“Eddy, you know you can talk to me, right?”
A short waver, another brief, unsure glimpse at Brett. 
“Can we get a practice room?”

The door fell shut with a semi-loud click, followed by a crackling sound when Eddy turned the key. Brett put down his violin case by the piano and sat down on one of the chairs, eyes on Eddy, giving him space to say whatever he wanted to say or stay silent for that matter. He watched him cross the room a few times with wide strides without even bothering to put down his case.

“I’m so bad at this!”, he began without a preamble. 
“At what?”, Brett asked softly. 
“I just hate being around people, Brett. Why do I despise it so much?” 
That incredibly desperate gape of Eddy hit Brett like a baseball bat into the guts where his dinner still lived. 
“Eddy, mate”, Brett said, stood up and laid both hands on Eddy’s slightly shaking shoulders, “If this isn’t something you’re used to, it’s totally normal to not like it.”
“But isn’t this something I should like? I mean…”, he scratched his head aggressively, “Everyone likes to hang with other people. Why is it so difficult for me to a degree that even total strangers can see it?”
“I..”, Brett stuttered, “I didn’t think you had a problem with what other people think of you. You always seem so self-confident.”
Eddy looked down to the dirty practice room carpet. “Except when it comes to social interactions.”
The comment had been so quiet Brett had to voice a “Hm?”
“This is my weak spot. One of my many, probably, but this one bothers me so much! And when someone notices it and points that out like Nathan did… I just hate when people know I’m weak!”
“Everyone has weaknesses.”
“I bloody shouldn’t have any!”, Eddy yelled. Brett flinched and took an involuntary step back. 
“I should be the promising violinist, the bright, confident student! There can’t be any mistakes! There’s simply no room for anything other than excellent performances on every level! If no one sees, who cares? But if it’s that blatantly visible like it had been in the beginning of orchestra camp…”
Eddy’s heavy breathing after his outburst was the only thing piercing the silence which froze Brett to the spot. What the hell?
“Eddy? Where the fuck is this coming from?”, Brett’s cold voice asked. Cold, not because Eddy pissed him off, but because such hideous lies lived within a person as great as Eddy and obviously tormented him.
A gulp. A look away. 
“It’s true.”
“No! It’s not!”, Brett immediately cut in, loud enough to drown out Eddy’s statement. “You don’t need to be perfect, even if, yes, the classical world sets the bar very high for us musicians, everyone has flaws. And what you just said isn't even about your playing!”
“It influences it!”, Eddy hissed, eyes spitting fire. “Emotionless playing, where the fuck do you think it’s coming from?”
Brett blinked. “You think…”
“Rebecca Li, the violinist who I had a lesson with this afternoon, she immediately heard it. Pointed out within seconds that something’s missing.” Eddy collapsed like one of those skydancers without air into the chair Brett had just sat in.
“Did she… did she suggest anything?”
“Told me I should try spending time with other people. Experience life a bit more.”
Brett swallowed hard, a nasty sting in his belly region making him regret the bubble tea he’d had. “So that’s why you came with us tonight?”
Eddy nodded dismally. “I wanted to try follow her advice. I tried so hard not to panic, but I still did. Pathetic!”
“You call that panicking?”, Brett exclaimed, an incredulous laugh escaping his mouth, “Dude! You really haven’t been around people much, huh?! This was nothing! I bet most didn’t even notice you waver after Nathan asked you.”
“Ah, yeah? What about Angelica, comforting me like I’m freaking five that I don’t need to say anything?”
“She was sitting close by. Jeez, it really wasn’t that big of a deal, Eddy!”
“And then, you had to rescue me out of it, because I was too chicken to even make a beep.”

Again, there was nothing but those two boys’ breathing filling the room. Brett stared at Eddy and tried to make sense of what the hell was going on inside that guy because he didn’t understand. And it was fucking frustrating that he didn’t!
But there was just no way he was gonna let Eddy hang. So he closed his eyes and forced himself to take a few deep breaths, calming down his stomach in the process. Then, he kneeled down, right in front of him.

“Eddy, look… I’m sorry if I overstepped.”
The first time since they’d entered this practice room, Eddy looked surprised. “Overstepped?”
“If I shouldn’t have said anything during dinner. I’m sure you would have come up with something to say.”
Eddy’s head swung left and right. “I didn’t, Brett”, he whispered, “That’s the point. I wouldn’t have. That’s why I’m so fucking pathetic.”
“You’re not.” He put weight into these two words. Enough to make Eddy glance at him, searching something in Brett’s eyes.

Eddy wasn’t. Sure, he wasn’t perfect, but he didn’t need to be. He couldn’t be. And this lie that he was convinced of, to strive for something that would break him sooner or later, if it wasn’t already starting to, Brett made a firm resolution right this moment to crush it!