Ava's POV
I don't know what's been happening lately but everything is going down hill.
My happiness, my confidence, my attention at uni, my interest in uni and my effort levels.
I can't remember the last time I was truly happy and honestly I am scared I never will be again.
The little voice has come back, she left around two years ago and I think her return may be the course of some of my unhappiness. Every time I go to eat something she is there telling me I'm too fat and I don't need that food. Of course I listen because why would she say it if it wasn't true?
I have been clean for years but recently when I'm in the shower I have been holding the razor to my arm, I never let it touch but I have a feeling it will soon. I can't explain this feeling but I used to get it a few days before I would actually do it all those years ago. Its like a gloom that hangs over me, nobody can see it because I fake a smile. Nobody realises I am in pain because I only cry when I am alone but in reality I am slowly breaking and its only a matter of time before I completely crumble.
I just finished my shoot and I'm on my way home now, thank god Roseanna is there to look after Josh. I'm such a mess how did I expect to basically be a mother at my age, it was stupid.
I make it home to find them in the pool and I smile when I see them and tell them I am just going to get changed.
I run upstairs and put on a plain black bikini and tie my hair up in a top bun before grabbing a towel and making my way back down to the pool.
"Hey baby did you have a good day?" I ask josh as I swim over to the float he is on
"Yeah rosna brought me this" I couldn't help but laugh at the way he said roseanna.
"Did you say thank you?" He nodded his head in return and then I went to speak to her.
"Thank you for doing this" I say as I reach her
"Don't worry about it" she seats her hand like she was swatting the favour away.
"How was your shoot?" She asked
"Meh same old" I just shrug
"How is school going?" God what is it 25 questions?
"I don't know, I thought this is what I wanted to do I mean I have had my heart set on it for years but now I'm there and doing it I don't even like it that much" I admit bowing my head
"Then you should stop" wait what?
She must have read my confused expression because she continued to speak "there is no point in doing something you don't love for the rest of your life so quit and find something you love"
"You know what? I might just do that" I smile and she returns it
"This crazy guy with a ponytail once told me that if you don't find yourself jumping out of bed in the morning because you want to go to work then there is no point in you having that job" she is full of it today
"I will terminate my place on the course next week" today was Saturday so I will do it on Monday.
She was about to say something but the doorbell rang and I groaned in annoyance this always happens.
"I will get it" only the bottom half of me was wet so I quickly dried my legs and then went to open the door.
"This happenes way to often" the deep voice laughs
"It defiantly does" I say giving both of the guys a hug.
"How have you been?" Cameron asked as Nash ran off to find Roseanna
"Alright how about you?"
"I'm fabulous thank you" he flashed me a cheesy smile and I just laughed at him as we made our way to the pool.
"I still can't get over how much the two of you have changed in four years" Cameron said as we sat on the sunbeds
"I think the reason it looks like we changed a lot is because we went from being children to adults where as you guys went from adults to just a little bit older adult" I say hoping that made sence.
"Yeah that seems logical" Nash nodded.
"Well um why are you guys here?" I didn't mind they had turned up but I just didn't know why they had either
"Nash had to come see his girlfriend and I don't have a life so I tagged along" cameron told me meaning me laugh.
"Don't you have some celebrity friends you could go hang out with?" He was pretty but now after all the movies and everything
"I'm with two of them right now" he said smiling at me
"Well if you class yourself as one of your friends then I guess so"
"No I meant you and Nash"
"But I'm not famous" I said in a duh tone
"Are you stupid or something? So many people look up to you as a role model and idolise you" really?
"But I'm not anyone special how do people even know who I am?" I'm rather confused right now
"You are a model, your face is everywhere. You may not have realised it because management takes care of your socialmedia accounts most of the time but you are famous and there is no going back" how did I have no idea about this
"This is so weird" I laugh and then go on my phone to check my social media and he was right I had millions of followers but I had gained a lit since I moved here
I tweeted my snapchat name and then started taking pictures with cam. They were mostly ugly but we took some nice ones and then I got a call from Jack so I quickly answered.
J: hey princess how are you?
A: I'm good where are you?
J: I'm just at home but mum and dad went to the grocery store so I'm alone
A: where is Johnson?
J: he is just spending time with his family
A: fair enough
J: what are you doing?
A: Nash and Cam are over
J: tell them I say hi
A: I will don't worry
J: listen Ava I need to tell you something and I meant to say it before I left but your were upse-
A: shit I'm sorry Jack but I have to go its an emergency
What was he going to say to me? It seemed important but Cameron had just trapped his hand in the door and blood was everywhere and I think it was broken.
"I will get some ice and a tea towel and we will go to hospital" I tell him and he nods while holding his wrist so his thumb was elevated slightly to help stop the blood.
"You guys can stay here is you want and I will take him, we should be back in a couple of hours if you want to come then just bring your car or mine it doesn't matter" I tell Nash and Roseanna before running inside to find something to quickly throw on and some trousers for Cameron.
