Daylight

Chapter 19: Denial is a trend

Camila's feeling a little confused, after they left Lauren's office she couldn't stop thinking about everything she was feeling in the woman's presence. It's like she's lost control of her body reactions and thoughts.

She didn't wait to message Dinah saying she needed to talk and that it was urgent, maybe her sister would know what was going on with her.

As expected, when Camila got home, Dinah was waiting with a bottle of wine and a pizza. That's how they usually talk about serious matters.

Not that Camila had anything serious to tell, what she had said to Dinah was true, she'd no idea of what she was feeling right now.

"What do you mean 'no idea'?" Dinah asked when Camila spit everything she was thinking to her.

"I don't know DJ" She sighed "Today was weird" She could still remember the feeling she got watching Lauren and the girls, Luna's smile, Liv's hug...

The feeling of wanting to belong, or not remembering a life before this.

"I think I'm too emotionally invested in this job" She finally said out loud "But when I think of quitting I just can't..."

"How invested?" Dinah tried to be impartial and Camila thanked her for not showing any judgment "With the kids? Love is never too much Mila"

"With the children and..." She licked her lips "And with Lauren too" Dinah just looked at her "I want to know everything about her life, about every second of the day. You can't tell me this is normal DJ"

Dinah agreed.

"I want to know everything about the girls, I want to be with Luna and Liv all the time, even when I'm here at home, I'm thinking about them, all three of them"

Dinah drank her wine.

"I want to be able to tell Luna things... To reprimand her and to give her praises" She sighed, she'd been feeling like that since Liv's birthday party where she wanted to intervene and couldn't. "I wish for Lauren to listen to me" She got up "And I want to listen to her in return"

"But I thought she was?" Dinah was curious, everything her little sister was saying sounded a lot like her when she first discovered her feelings about Leigh-Anne "You told me she followed your advice about Luna and everything"

"Yes" Camila admitted "She's been more open about her life"

"So you got what you wanted right?" She was provoking now, she wanted a more visceral answer.

"Not yet!!" Camila exclaimed falling for it "It's not enough..." She sighed "Why isn't it enough DJ?"

"I think you'll have to figure that out for yourself, sis" Her older sister sighed and kept on drinking like Camila wasn't having an existential crisis in front of her.

"Dinah!" She yelled "You're supposed to help me"

"Okay," Dinah was serious now "What do you want? Be honest"

"I want to be part of the family"

"As a friend?" Dinah raised her eyebrow "Or something more?"

"As..." Camila sighed "I don't know"

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The next morning, Camila was cranky and confused, her conversation with Dinah did nothing to alleviate her doubts or answer her questions about why she was feeling such a connection with this family.

She wonders if that's normal for nannies if it's normal to get this sort of attachment, maybe she'd speak with someone with a little more experience in that department.