Royal Obligations

Chapter 36: New Plan

"Okay," I nod as Harlan enters my room, Valeriya not too far behind him. 

"Cordelia, I'm just going to get straight to the point." Harlan says while pacing around my room. Valeriya stands off to a far corner, keeping an eye on him. 

I swallow, my heart beat going faster than what is considered healthy. "Continue..." 

Harlan runs a hand through his hair. "I'm incredibly stressed. With everything concerning the attack and the abduction of my father and Felicity, it forces a guy to think. To really think." 

I only nod and wait for him to continue. 

"At first, I thought you were distant lately. I hardly ever saw you and when I did you were with my brother." Harlan shakes his head. "You see, I blamed you at first for this. I thought maybe you just liked my brother more than me and tried to let me off easy." 

I open my mouth to interject but he stops me. "At first I thought this. Then I realized- it was my fault. I have pulled myself away from this selection and haven't interacted in any way with you ladies for a while. I did with Felicity but..." His voice catches, he shakes his head, then continues. "You have grown close with my brother, I know that. And it's my fault. I even snapped at you the other day in your room while you were mourning over your best friend."

"But you were right." I add quickly before he could cut me off. "I was acting like a brat and what you said was exactly what I needed to hear. It may not have been what I wanted to hear, but it's what I needed to hear." 

Harlan stares at me for a couple moments and he brings his pacing to a slow stop. "We had a connection. One that I cherished. I hope you know that." 

I smile a little. I was faking it the whole time which meant my plan is working. He believed we had a connection. Even though I couldn't deny that I care for him. It was the cold hard truth. I need to stop lying to myself when it comes to feelings. The more I do, the more it proves how strong of the hold they have on me.

"I also hope that we can try again." Harlan says with a twinkle of excitement in his eyes. "I was completely falling for you before all of this bullshit happened. I secluded myself because it was the easiest thing to do." 

I stand there. Partially stunned, but also expecting. I knew Harlan had isolated himself from the selection and of course I didn't blame him for it. What was horrible on my end was that when his grandmother died, I don't think I properly comforted him. Now his father has been given a death sentence and that weight royals talk about bearing must be even heavier. 

"Harlan," I say in a soft voice. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. You shouldn't blame everything on yourself, I am also at fault." 

What was I doing? Do I still want to stick to my plan? My safety net has now become Forrest. All I have to do is pretend to fall in love with him and the crown is all mine. But it's hard for me to admit to myself- no, impossible- that I wouldn't be faking it. And that scared me more than anything. Forrest made me feel real emotions while Harlan would be content to love a lie, because he didn't know there was one. The downside is, Forrest is the heir to the throne. If I marry him, that means I will become queen one day. No way in hell was I letting that happen. No boy was worth that sacrifice. 

"Does that mean you will give us another shot?" Harlan asks hopefully, taking a tentative step toward me. 

Forrest said he had a plan, so if he figured I would end up with him, he has a hell of a lot of work to do. I cannot allow myself to become attached. 

"Yeah," I smile at him. "let's give it another shot." 

Harlan beamed before taking my hands in his. What I had just said gave me an unpleasant feeling in my stomach. Everything about this just seemed wrong. I felt like there was a corse of how things were supposed to happen and where everyone would find themselves in the end, and I just threw everything off. I feel like I just ruined everything. 

Was I willing to lose Forrest? I certainly already had him, but he didn't have me. 

Harlan places his lips gently on mine and I don't argue. This felt uncomfortable as well, and it wasn't because Val whats-her-face is watching us.

Was I willing to lose him?

Well, that doesn't matter. It's not like I came here for him anyway.

****

Dear Old Friend,

It has been a while no doubt. I have been so busy lately with rebel attacks and princes that I had forgotten about you. Ah, look at me. Talking to an inanimate object and calling it my friend. Every sociopath needs an object to project the feelings they deny onto something else, don't they? 

Back on track. I wish I could portray this concept into my actual life and my actual plan. It was so easy before I came here. So incredibly easy to plan out my 'attack'. I was going to win over one of the princes and get married. I knew one or both princes were going to fall for me, but I never intended to even remotely develop feelings for one of them. It was easy to plan because I forgot one factor- I had a fifty fifty shot at becoming the queen of Illéa. That was the last thing I wanted. I had no idea in the slightest how to run a country. 

I need to create a new plan of attack. Something that is actually bullet proof not just on the end of the princes. Something that will as well as protect me. The first thing to do in this situation is cut all the ties I have with Forrest. Have I mentioned this before? Yes. Several times. But there is something about him that has prevented me from carry out on my words. The only way to cut ties is if he does it. Forrest needs to stop caring about me. I know his love isn't real, because no one can love me. I have done literally nothing for his affections. He is hung up on the fact I know who he really is and I am the only one who could possibly understand him. But he won't be focusing on these factors when I'm done. Besides, love doesn't exist. 

Forrest has to hate me. If he hates me, he will leave me alone. If he leaves me alone, I can no longer care for him. The first step in this plan is to make a scene with Harlan or at least get on the cover of a magazine. Forrest needs to feel cheated. Something good enough has to be worthy enough to be on the cover. 

Something like sneaking out of Harlan's room at night. Or better yet, in the morning. 

All things considered, Forrest genuinely deserves someone better than I am to be queen. I will make Harlan happy. I will be everything he wants or looks for in a woman. With Forrest I can't do that, considering he already knows my secret. 

This is for the best, Forrest. Goodbye,

Cordelia

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Sorry for the short chapter lovelies! I promise more excitement is soon to come