falling for the Badboy

chapter eighteen

I hate confrontations, I really do. What do I say?

"Look, lexi has been a mess all day because your actions have guilt tripped her into thinking its her fault you're avoiding her. She thinks it's because of not letting you know that they'd be others at her house."

"It really isn't her fault."

"Then what is it? Is it my fault?" She looked at me like that would give her answers for my actions.

But there's something about Raven. Something that makes me want to tell her everything and that is why its best I stay away from her.

"Say something Victoria. I know there's something wrong, I just met you yesterday but I just know there's something wrong. Just don't push lexi away, she's gotten attached to you."

I have gotten attached to her too. I'm doing this because I don't want to hurt her while dealing with my shit. I'd never forgive myself.

"I can't Raven, it's best I stay away from you guys before I cause any damage."

"I'm here when you need someone to talk to and you know where to find me." With that, she stormed out the bathroom. I was left all alone with my thoughts.

Did I just give up on the only friendship I have?

°°°°°
~4 hours later~

My drive to the address was longer than what it should have been. The traffic was killing me slowly but surely.

I knocked lightly on the door to her office–the place where I'll have to grow accustomed to. The door opened up to a tall and slender dark haired woman with pretty brown eyes covered by coffee rimmed reading glasses. Her brown skin looked so mesmerising–like very yummy chocolate.

She was beautiful.

I didn't expect her to be young, I thought she was somewhere  around fifty. She looked really friendly with a welcoming smile on her face.

She was dressed in a white blouse and dark grey slacks. She looked elegant,welcoming and professional. She ushered me into her office and told me to take a seat on the green couch with fluffy pillows on it.

Her office was more homey than my new home. The nightstand next to the couch had a jar full of jelly beans. I loved it instantly.

She watched me as I took in my environment without as much as disrupting me. She only spoke up when she was convinced that I had fully settled in.

"My name is Josephine. You can call me Josie."

"Nice to meet you josie, I'm Victoria, I bet you know that."

"Yes Victoria, I know who you are." I could tell she was going to say more so I kept shut and waited.

"Make yourself comfortable, I got you some chocolate, and if you prefer fruit, I have that little fruit basket on the corner."

"Thanks Josie."

This is really awkward. Isn't she supposed to ask questions like why do you self harm and not offer me fruit?

"You have a question for me Victoria, ask away."

Her voice would play fit for some ASMR type of shit. It's soothing.

"Uhm so aren't you going to ask me questions like 'why do you self harm, etcetera?"

She stood up from her chair behind her huge desk and sat on the sofa with me. I didn't expect that move so my body tensed but I immediately relaxed when she spoke.-- God! Her voice.

"I would ask you that, but I know you wouldn't open up. I need you to trust me, that's the only way I can help you. You tensed when I sat next to you, why is that?"

"I don't know, I guess I just didn't expect you to sit next to me because you have a desk?"  My words came out like more of a question than an answer.

She held my hand and I literally flinched–my body can be such a giveaway some times. I bet the poor woman thinks I'm a freaking loon.

"Hey, it okay, don't overthink it, I just want you to dig a little deeper yeah?"

A little deeper. This is her job Victoria, she wouldn't hurt you by using what you'll tell her against you.

"Well maybe because I'm not comfortable being around new people and what you did was very unpredictable."

"Why do you feel uncomfortable being around new people?"

Why do I?

"I seriously don't know, I guess I'm afraid of not being good enough or getting judged. I really don't know."

"Do you usually get judged?"

"Yes, alot, especially from mum. But it's no different with the others, I'm this and that and it's annoying how non of it is ever true."

"I want you to know there's things you can control and those you can't. Put effort in those which you can, look at you, you're here because that's something you have control over, your mental health I mean. But you can't control what someone else thinks of you so it's good to learn ways of not taking it all to heart. I have a question for you, what do you think of me, be honest."

"I think you're a really beautiful woman with with a very nice skin tone which I'm jealous of, you're all professional and you probably have never cursed in your entire life."

"I'm now going to share a little about myself in regards to what you said." Josie said in her oh-so-sweet voice that was soothing. " I was treated differently because of my skin colour growing up, I also thought I was not beautiful because of it and I curse, alot, but I'm not going to do that infront of a child. I feel like if I stack to being professional and all, my patients wouldn't love me so I keep some things chill to make them feel at home."

"You curse?"
Seriously Victoria! Was that all I heard.

"Well yes, but I look like I don't to you and that's okay because I can't control what you think. You don't know me like I know myself."

"I get it." I said while nodding my head to show that it's sinking in.

Our little chat went on for longer than needed. The woman got me talking and laughing until I spilled all truth while answering her questions.

Therapists have a damn annoying way of getting into your head.

Raven should become one.