In A Week I Will Be Dead

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Decisioned

!!!TW!!!

Mentions of SH, suicide, unkind thoughts

IF YOU ARE STRUGGLING, CALL THE SAMARITANS ON 116 123 <3 <3 <3

Noah

I try the best I can to love her with all my pieces. She's got the biggest heart. Maybe that's what happened, not all the love entered my body and it got stored somewhere, so Gracie got double the dosage when she was born. But I love her for it, and I would never ask for it back. It makes her a good person, and I'm glad at least one out of the two siblings are able to lead a normal life. And I'm glad the chosen one is her.

I'm at a tea party. With Gracie, myself, Mr Teddykins, and various other cuddly toys. That poor, poor, stuffed animal. Having to deal with Gracie's overbearing love. He's been trailed through all the substances known to mankind, endured countless tea parties, and been lost more times than my mum's keys. He sits there, head tilted to one side, eye missing, stuffing showing on his left torso. Yet again, how wonderful it must be to be a teddy. You have one primary function: You make people feel better and safe. You get love just for existing. It's an amazing deal. I can't believe I'm jealous of a teddy bear. Wow Noah, just wow. You'd rather be an inanimate object with one eye covered in Nutella. Would you? Really? Yes. Yes, I would change in a heartbeat. And not just because of the Nutella.

'Noah? Why are you going back to school? Can't you stay here?'

With an outstretched pinkie finger, I place my pink cup on its purple saucer. Gracie loves it when I speak in a very posh accent, so I pull it on to amuse her.

'Well Gracie my Dear, one has to go back to school to receive an education, in order to get into Oxford or Cambridge.'

She giggles, and continues, 'but we all miss you here. I can't have a good tea party without you Noah because you're the only one who can do the accent.'

She leans in closer, cups her hand around my ear, and whispers, 'don't tell Mr Rabbit this, but he tried once and it was not very good. It was actually rather embarrassing.'

I laugh, enjoying the fun. 'Well, tell him to keep practising. You never know what skills you could have if people keep saying you haven't.'

'Sorry Mr Rabbit.' She kisses him on top of his head, and he sinks lower into his chair. Probably due to the literal weight of Gracie's kiss.

I pull on an Irish accent. 'It's all right my dear, notin to worry about.'

'That's funny Noah! I like him being Welsh.'

I give a little laugh and an eye roll. 'He was Irish Gracie. But he doesn't mind at all, do you Mr Rabbit?'

I respond to my own question. 'Not at all me lovely.'

Once again, Gracie squeals with delight.

I love seeing her happy. Seeing other people happy always makes me happier. And when I'm happier I'm always my happiest. She is my tether to this planet filled with anarchy, war and plague. But she captures me in a childish bubble of innocence. And she will stay this way, as children easily forget. However, all those things that children forget will be recovered when we make it to adulthood, at the price of all those memories we created as an infant. Before this change, the world is perfect. I hope she never has to endure that, and if she has to, I hope that it is not forced upon her. I love her, because she is my sunshine.

'Gracie, I know you hate it when I leave but I have to go back to school now.'

She stops pouring the air and places her cup down on its mismatched saucer. 'Why Noah? Can't you stay here with us a bit longer?'