When Hearts Heal

Chapter 11

It always felt like the week between Christmas and New Year's was more like a day than 7. Maybe it was because I finally had some time off work or simply because my days were now filled with a lot of time and empty space.

"Okay, but how about this one?" I asked holding up a red dress in front of the mirror in H&M.

"I mean, it's okay...but it feels more Christmas and less New Year's to me," Maya answered as I put the dress back on the rack.

One of the best things about having a best friend is having someone you can trust to be brutally honest in the most loving way. Although I had to admit that shopping for myself has never been a task I was deemed good at.

"Well, what do you think I should wear then?" I sighed in defeat.

"Well since you asked, when thinking about a New Year's outfit you have to ask yourself what the look is you're going for in the new year. Some people like to be symbolic like yellow meaning joy or wear their signature color like mine is purple, and then there is the 3rd group of people who just want to look hot. So you have to decide what type of statement you want to make."

I never knew people put so much effort into what they wore. If she had asked me this 3 years ago I probably would've played it safe and wear something blue. But thinking back at everything I've been through these last 3 years and especially these last 3 months I answered,

"Hot. Definitely hot."

Maya's face lit up as she heard those three words as if she was waiting to hear it her whole life. We spent the next 3 hours going from one store to the next as each dress she pulled from the rack just 'wasn't quite right'. I had long given up on trying to help her as she seemed to be quite content being a woman on a mission. It was only at store 13, dress number 27 that I heard the sweet sound of,

"Perfect. Now if this dress doesn't say I'm smoking hot, I don't know what will." She seemed very pleased with the results. As I turned around to face the mirror I was in awe of what I saw.

It wasn't just the tight silver mini dress that reached just long enough to cover the top of my thigh or the blinding sparkles that hit the light just right, but for the first time in 3 years, I saw a woman. I saw someone who shouldn't feel bad for wanting to dress up or wanting to show off a little bit. I saw someone who was stepping back into her femininity and who didn't care what her ex thought about 'these types of women who only dressed up for attention.' Jaden was wrong. He made me feel bad about wanting to dress up and feel good and confident and beautiful for too long, and for the first time in a while, I'm starting to remember this version of myself.

"This...wow..." I didn't even have the words to comprehend what I was feeling but I knew that I was very grateful to have a friend like Maya in my life.

"You don't have to say anything, I know I killed it. Just say you'll wear it to the New Year's party tonight."

I looked over at Maya looking proud as I tried hard not to start crying as a wave of emotions surged through my body. So instead, I smiled and nodded my head as she engulfed me in a hug giving an excited squeel.

It's strange how a piece of clothing can do so much for your mental health. Two months ago I couldn't even look at the dress I wore on my first date with Jaden and today I felt more feminine and confident than I've felt in a long time.

Walking through the doors of the big fancy hotel where the party was being held, I couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement. Everything looked so expensive and everyone seemed to be having a good time. It felt as if I stepped into a Jane Austen novel with the big fancy castles and people wearing their nicest clothing, champagne towers, and a ballroom filled with people dancing. One thing was for sure, this wasn't the college type of New Year's Eve party, this was a proper classy grown-up party. And somehow, I felt at home.

"I see someone I know, I'll meet you in the ballroom at 11 okay?" Maya said as she walked off while I was left standing alone in the middle of a strange place where I knew not a single soul. So instead, I decided to venture off and have a browse. The place was significant. I was in awe of every step I took and the corner I turned. So much care was taken into the architecture and design of the place and I so badly wished I could've lived here for the rest of my life but something tells me that would cost a pretty penny.

Following the art on the wall I was surprised to see a rare painting from Lin Onus titled 'The Meaning of Life.' It was such a complex painting and the brushstrokes were intentional yet whimsical. I knew I needed to take a picture to show my mum. I stepped back to try and find the perfect light to compliment the painting -even though I knew no camera could do it justice- until I felt a cold sensation running down my back.