Freedom. Felix

I hate to admit

A/N: hiya I'm on a long car ride so might post a lot of chapters but here ya go
*Disclaimer: talks about self harm, and attempt to un alive themselves also has some mentions about abuse*

Kai looks and she's confused. She see a sleepy man in the corner. Sure he look familiar but she doesn't know his name it's probably one of Felix's friends. As if he can read her mind he states. " I didn't get to introduce myself fully, I'm bang Christopher. You can call me Chan, I'm the oldest out of all 8 of us. I'm called the dad of the group because I take care of all of them, make sure they eat drink and sleep. They can shower on their own." He says trying to make a joke. After the sciences he speaks again. " right anyway I'm here with you because I had followed you trying to get your attention but ended giving up and waiting till the next day because I didn't want to freak you out. But when I knocked no one answered so I went in and saw you laying down so now your here. You've been out for about a week I've been making sure your alright Felix has come to visit once in a while your brother on the other hand. He sadly didn't really think anything was wrong until Felix had tried to contact him. Aka why he is texting and calling you. But I'm glad you're awake." He finished telling you what happened. After a while you think to yourself asking why you feel comfortable with him and why it feels as if you've known him your entire life. Before you could even talk seungmin walks in looking at you worried. You look at Chan and continue. "Thank you Chan I see why your the dad I would love for you to be my dad heh just kidding, but yes thank you for being here and tell Felix I would love to talk to him when he gets that chance. But if you don't mind I would like to talk to Seungmin alone." You finish talking looking at Seungmin knowing what he is going to say, but you're ready for this. A new beginning, a new try maybe things what you needed. Knowing that you will never be able to forget your parents but maybe being around people who may be able to cheer you up when your sad and might be able to help you move on and finally be happy and know that it wasn't your fault that your parents killed them self and or got killed. "Go ahead I know what you're going to say so go ahead and say it, I'm ready" you say looking at him scooting over on the bed. He slowly sits himself on the bed. "Well I'm not going to say what you think I will, because nothing will make you stop feeling the way you do, but we can help you numb it down a little. Which is why I'm here, I want you to trust me again and be able to tell me when you're feeling down and when you want to hurt yourself, so I can try and help."  You look at him, your sad knowing that he said what you wanted to do. " I know you want to do so, and I'm telling you to do so. I miss you and I have for a while." You look at him smiling softly. You began to speak softly. " I know you what you wan Minnie, trust me I know, and I will trust you." You said smiling, looking at him knowing how he is feeling you can see him smile. " Really? You will? Like really?" He looks at you smiling and runs to her hugging you. You smile and giggle but then whimper due to the pain you are feeling in your stomach. "Minnie, love your hurting me, please not so tight" you say still smiling. He looks at you and lets go of you looking at you worriedly "what do you mean that you are hurt? Did something happen? Did you hurt your self?" He said looking at your body all worried. "No, no its probably just my girl thing coming. Not going to like I haven't had it in a while. But is normal when you are stressed."  You look at him awkwardly, not wanting to be looked at you put the blanket over your body. He speaks up while looking away. "I'm sorry to make it awkward I'll go get Felix or did you want to I talk to someone else in the group I know you are not used to us but they care for you already trust me they do. They want to get to know you more but they don't what to force you to do things. They also want to make sure you feel comfortable with them. They like how you bring light to lee know, bangchan also loves the fact that you can make Felix smile. You may not know about his past but ever since
Things went down between his parents, he stoped talking to anyone wouldn't share anything with anyone. But when lino brought you here he almost instantly started to talk to you and it feels like he an tell you anything and we all love that." He says all that while looking back at you and smiles, and you can see a tear drop fall onto his cheek.  You look at him smiling softly, you start to speak. " I felt that too with Felix and with the boys I would love to get to know them a lot more, and they don't make me feel uncomfortable to all and tell them that but you guys should know that moving forward this is going to be a long journey and I am willing to do it with you guys and not leave you guys to just deal with it" You say smiling knowing it is going to hit him hard because you used to tell him all the time that it was ok and that you will be with him the whole time and not leave. He looks at you smiling and nods as if on cue Felix and one of the boys with him walk in.
You try to think about his name and as if he can read your mind he states his name. "Hi kai, I don't know if I told you my name but it's hyunjin." He says smiling. You laugh smiling. " man you guys shock me, I'm starting to think you guys can read minds. Hi hyunjin, as you know I'm kai. I hope that we can hang out more often I feel like you are the one with the good fashion." You say trying to lighten the mood laughing. Felix and seungmin looks at you as if you have just stabbed them. Hyunjin just laughs. "Wow I know her new favorite" Seungmin and Felix say at the same time. You laugh harder with hyunjin. "No guys I like all you guys the same no one is my favorite.....yet" you say the yet in a joking matter. And with you saying that you hear a voice behind all of them. "It better be me I mean I am still your boss." Lee know walks up to you with a stern look but then hugs you. You hug back laughing. " now don't start fighting about me" you say laughing at how the Boys look.
Out of know where you hear a man clearing his throat. Everyone looks but you, you know who it is and you don't want to talk to him. All he did was call and text he didn't come and check, hell you were mad he is trying to say that stray kids were bad even if they did the same job. You speak up. "Jongho I don't want to hear it, you may leave if you are going to try and change my mind on how I see things. I don't want to change my mind and that is final. I have done everything for you and mom and dad. I threw away going to colleges just to make sure you were ok. I did all the house work just so you could hang out with your friends. I did all of that for you, I didn't think you would turn out like this if I did. I'm not saying i regret what I did because I love you but you need to learn that sometimes you can't disappear and come back thinking that everything is going to be nice and calm. You left me to deal with mom, knowing that it hurt me more knowing that I was the reason why dad left knowing that I couldn't deal with the things that dad did to me knowing that you got to do what you wanted but I had to do what he wanted." You looked at him as he had a confused look. You haven't told anyone what your dad did he your mom was at work. It was hard for you to deal with then but it was harder for you now but you thought that it was time you came clean. "Jongho, when you went to college and when you weren't home hanging with your friends dad would beat me, he would make sure I didn't want to leave. He would leave marks on me to where I would have to I wear things to cover. He would make me do his dirty work. I didn't want to but I would have to do it before mom go home and before he got back. You may remember a good dad, but to me I was his mistake, I was his thing that he didn't want the thing he regrets." You start to tear up but you just clear your throat. You don't want to cry he was a pice of shit he did bad things to you. But you still loved him because in the end he was your dad he was what made you become yourself he was the reason you wanted to become what you wanted to become. "I didn't know sis I'm sorry" Your brother says and you can hear the crack in his voice. You didn't want to talk to him. "Jongho I'm sorry but I don't want to talk, I love you but you need to realize the things you have done. And that I don't Judge people on their work as long as they don't involve me. And you did just that you tried to involve me into your work, you tried to make me chose between my freedom and my family. I hope you realize that soon I really do but for now please let me rest, let me take a break from being the sister, the daughter. I love you." You say the last part in your language knowing he will understand. As you say that you can hear him walk out. It's not like you hate him for the things he did but you needed to take a break from him. You needed for him to under estand that sometimes you need time and time heals all wounds.
You sighed looking at the boys who where now shocked that you just told your brother and you smile. "Boys its ok I promise don't worry he knows what I mean and he knows that I just need time." You said opening your arms allowing the boys to come over and hug you. "I have some power left so how about we watch a movie. Yea?" You said getting up and start to stand up. As soon as you try to walk you feel someone pick you up and carry you in bridal style. "Sorry love~ I cant have you falling again. Even if you say your good I don't want that to happen again" Felix says in your ear for only you to hear. At his words you look away with a pink tint on your cheeks. You thought about the name he called you. "Stop you cant like him already you just met him. But he called me love oh my god his voice saying it to is to die for." You said in your head so he didn't hear you basically fan girling over him. But as if on cue you hear bangchan yell at felix. "Put her down Lee yongbok, she can walk you babying her wont help her heal. Sorry sweetheart but he cant carry you." You look at him and rolled your eyes. "I didn't want him to."  You say as he put you down. Then you hear hyunjin laugh and he looks at felix and you saying. "Felix you can carry me if you want." He said winking. You start to laugh loud and you fall to your knees feeling a sharp pain in your stomach. Everyone looked at you worried. Chan gasps loudly. "Maybe felix was right to carry you. It looks like you cant walk." He says even more worried then the others. "YA." They look at you weird and confused. "I'm fine, its just my girly thing ok. I just need to go to the bathroom and Minnie you know what to grab right? If you still remember high school years." He looks at you nodding walking into your room and you run into the bathroom not wanting to look at any of them because of the embarrassment. You then hear seungmin knock on the door, you open it slightly and he hands you the stuff and whispers something to you. "Hey I'm gonna put your sheets into your washer don't worry I changed your bed sheet and the boys are in the kitchen trying to make you some sweets and cook something for dinner and make snacks for the movie." You nod and smile, and as if he understands your thoughts he hands you the things you needed and walks away. You changed into the clothes he got you and put your sanitary things on (A/N: I didn't want to put a certain things because idk y'all and what y'all use) and you walk into the kitchen and you look at seungmin mental thanking him for getting the stuff for you.
You then feel someone back hug you not knowing who it is you jump. "Sorry I thought you needed it" after you hear the voice you know its lee know. "It's ok and thanks for the hug lino your the best." You thought to yourself that you were shocked that he hugged you, he has never hugged you I mean you never thought of him as someone to give physical touch to anyone. "Alright guys what movie are we watching tonight?" You ask looking at the boys walking backwards into the living room. "GILR if you don't turn your ass around walk normal I will beat you till you can't walk"  lee know says. And you look at him confused he was just hugging you and now he is yelling at you. "Man you have big mood swings you sure your not on your man period." You say laughing but quickly turn around and walk normally knowing that he will beat you. He just scoffs looking at you annoyed. After a while everyone walks into the living room and bangchan brings dinner into the living room for everyone. "Sorry y'all all she had was instant noodles and some beef." He looks at you and continues to speak. "And you ma'am, we need to go shopping for you so you have enough food." You look at him and roll your eyes. You then feel someone whisper into your ear. "Keep rolling your eyes baby girl I'll make sure to make you roll your eyes." You look over to see felix so close to your face and you look away quickly making eye contact with hyunjin. "Ok so Chan and hyunjin will go shopping with me tomorrow. And we will make sure to get enough for you guys too, I'm sure some of y'all wont leave me alone." You look at Felix knowing that he is going to be one of the ones to not let you be alone. "That's fine with me, what about you Chan?" Hyunjin says looking at Chan. "Yea thats fine with me, and yes you will most likely have one of us with you I was thinking about having han stay with you tomorrow night. You guys will get along very with him." He looks at you nodding.
After that talk you guys eat and start the movie eating the snacks and some of the food bangchan made for dinner. After a while you guys finish the movie and all the guys are asleep. Or that's what you thought so you grab all the dishes into the kitchen and put them away. You then walk into the bathroom and go to change into different clothes and change your girl stuff. When you were done you walk back into the living room and see that someone is missing. Not worrying about it you go into your room and look around trying out find your blanket and go to lay down. Before you could you heard a knock on the door and see seungmin at the door and you instantly know what he wants so you scoot over allowing him to lay down.
When you guys were little he would stay over he would always get these nightmares and ask to sleep nest to you. Your parents always saw it cute seeing you guys cuddle. When you guys got older your dad tried keep you guys apart. Your mother on the other hand would always put you guys together. Your mother always thought of you guys as best friends and nothing more. You feel arms around your waist and feel someone breathing. You turn to face him and start to run your finger through his hair calming hin down. Soon you feel him calm down and you hear him softly snore. After some time you soon fall asleep as well before you did you said goodnight to seungmin.

A/N: Hiiii Y'all i kinda forgot about this book not going to lie but thanks to one of my friends she reminded me to write more and more so I'm trying to do so. But with school and all of that it will be a bit harder. Sadly I forgot about this chapter I started to write this one while on road trip but not like normal I got side tract and forgot about the book. I swear that she will write more with my friend telling me to I will. I hope you guys like this one