No Fucks Given

6

I sat here nervous as hell. I was just sitting on the porch of my mom's house. Part of me was tryna get the courage to go in. The other half wanted to run away again.

I haven't been here in years, let alone talked to my moms. Last time we spoke, my shit was waiting outside when I came home from school.

She said all types shit. How I wasn't her son anymore. How I fucked up my life. "I could never have a drug dealer for a son." She fixed her face to say that bullshit while I was the one who looked out for me and Li.

I mean, shit, could I have chose different? Did better with my life? Prolly so. But she never let me apologize, no second chances, nothing. She obviously never gave a fuck so I said fuck it and never came back. If she ain't want me dealing, I just wouldn't come around.

It was never about leaving Li in the beginning. Originally, I felt some type of way about how ma did me. Then after a while, when I got my shit settled and graduated, I could of probably came by to see her, but I didn't. It wasn't cause I ain't love or nothing. I still hung up on what ma said.

Thought I failed Li as a role-model, somebody she could count on. Thought I wasn't shit for the life I chose. But that shit over with now. One of them niggas put they hands on my sister. I ain't hiding no more, even if I gotta snatch Li outta here forreal.

After awhile, the door creaked open and nudged into my back.

"Ion know who you is. But you should get the fuck on." Ma voice grunted out.

I held back the need to suck my teeth. Like yo, who you talking to?
But I didn't move.

"Ion want nothing serious, like no money or nothing. I just wanna tell you some." I mumbled, just loud enough so she could hear me.

"Casius?" She paused. She actually sounded concerned for a second. "Who told you to ever come back to my house?" She continued. There was the same bullshit I was expecting.

"Look, even if you on't give a fuck about me being your son, you still let some man rape my lil sister. So I'm taking her out this piece when she get home from school." I said calmly.

I'm surprised I ain't yell at her ass. She got me real calm. That dangerous calm where I was gon skip over all that extra ass going back and forth shit. You either do what I tell you or see what happen.

I got up and stretched extra. Then started down the street.

"How did you...you been talking to my daughter behind my back? She's all I have left. You think you can take her from me? You don't know the first thing bout raising somebody. If her stubborn ass wanna go with you, she can. Make sure y'all stay gone this time." She yelled after me. I laughed to myself. I got her ass mad. The same child she ain't want.

But I can't lie that kinda hurt. I knew she was just saying random ass shit cause she hurt. But at the end of the day, she the one who kicked me out, so I on't even wanna hear all that. She couldn't even raise Maela right. She had one job and den fucked Maela up too.

I'm still tight she let that shit happen. I knew she liked them niggas more than her own kids, but I ain't think..

I paused when I heard somebody laughing.

When I looked up, it was Maela  walking with her friend. They was laughing and shouting about something. I don't know what the girl name was, but it was the same girl that was with her the other day.

"Li. I'm finna take you to the house right quick. You gotta go home." I said when they got close enough, nodding to the other girl.

"May, your spy brother is tryna take you away. Should I call the cops? Are you in danger? You know kidnapping is illegal, right, sir?" She rambled, clutching Maela for dear life.

I sucked my teeth. Ion know if she was playing, but I didn't have time. "May, take her home. Meet me at Freddie's."

I walked off fore she could reply. They had a weird ass friendship. Li ain't say much but shit can that other girl talk.

As I walked into the parking lot of the corner store, I let out a long ass sigh. That shit was rough. I wasn't expecting it to be easy, but I was a sensitive ass nigga sometimes. So all that shit ma was saying really ain't sit right.

I looked at my phone for the time.

Darius didn't get off for another hour. I rolled my eyes. I just wanna bother his ass: argue about some stupid ass shit, lay on him all day. Fuck did I need him right now.

It also meant we had to walk to the house. I ain't really care. All I do is walk around the block anyway, which is why I ain't have no car. I had Maela with me though, but I mean, it was still daylight, so I ain't have to worry about rocking a nigga over my sister.

Speaking of, I wonder if I could smoke a blunt fore she come. Ion know how long she gon take and I'm already inna mood so...

Just as I pulled the blunt out of my pocket, Maela came around the corner. I rolled my eyes as I grumpily shoved the blunt back into my pocket. Fuck, first it was having a angry ass boyfriend. Now, I'm a fucking parent. Gotta be responsible and confront my childhood. This shit ghetto.