I'm Yours

Chapter 9: Outbursts and Mistakes

Chapter 9:

Should I tell him how I really feel? I replayed over and over in my head as I walked towards the dining room. I have been asking this question since Sophie left the house last night and I didn't even sleep. I was too overwhelmed about how my feelings for Nate which were growing more and more each week. The blood started rushing to my cheeks as his sweet light blue eyes connected with mine causing my breathing to falter. Why was I so nervous whenever I saw him? He seemed to notice my reaction and grinned as I made my way to my seat.

"Good morning Hazel. How did you sleep?" He asked still smiling as his eyes racked down my appearance as a shiver rolled down my spine.

"I didn't sleep that much." I say barely over a whisper.

"Why's that?" Nate frowned narrowing his eyes in my direction as I kept my head down.

"Just some things from school on my mind that's all." I smile lightly tilting my head up. Nate still continued to look at me with worry glimmering in his eyes as he took my hand that was rested lazily on the table. Even though I didn't have much energy in me today, Nate's touch seemed to zap something inside me that I couldn't quite much my finger on, it drove me crazy.

"Your hands are cold, are you feeling okay?" With his other hand pushed a stray place of hair behind my ear then rested his palm on my cheek. Without a second thought I leaned into his touch closing my eyes and sighed. His thumb started to trace my cheek then to my jaw and landed on my lips. I opened my eyes to see he had leaned forward over the edge of the table and he traced the outline on the corner of my lips. His eyes gleamed as they finally met with mine holding something locked behind them.

Just as I thought we were getting somewhere, there was a light knock on the door. Nate snapped out of his trance when his eyes hardened and leaned away. I whimpered softly at the loss of contact but sat up straight in my chair and played with my fingertips as Nate called for the person behind the door to enter. Jack came in with our breakfast serving us eggs benedict but as the scent surrounded the room I lost my appetite and stood up feeling stupid that I was falling for someone who didn't even want me the way I wanted him. I felt the tears begin to well in my eyes as I could feel Nate and Jacks eyes focused on me.

"I'm s-sorry I'm not feeling hungry I- I'm just going to get my bag ready and freshen up." I stuttered and walked out of the room then started rushing up the staircase. How could I be such an idiot? I tried to hold my tears in but it was just too hard. I shut the bedroom door behind me and sunk to the floor letting each tear spill over the side. I started to think about what would have happened if I told Nate about my feelings? Would he reject me and laugh in my face? Would he smile and think I was playing a joke on him? Or would he genuinely smile and say he had feelings for me as well? But that was definitely unlikely, and that was the worst thing to experience, thinking 'what if' and not actually knowing and I was too big of a coward to even say anything.

After the tears stopped I felt a light knock on the door behind me. I quickly go to my feet and looked in the mirror whipping away any evidence of the tears. I opened the door and saw Nate looking down to his feet. Looking up he gave me a soft smile, "are you ready to go?" I nodded as a response and grabbed my bag making our way to the car.

The whole time during lecture I was staring out into nothing. My brain felt fuzzy as I twirled my hair and stuck my pencil in to hold it on place. Sophie nudged me side leaned in closer to whisper.

"Did you tell him?"

"No, I don't think I will." I sigh looking back down to my notes in my book.

"What? Why not? Did something happen?"

"He's just too confusing. One week we kiss then the next he's distant and acts like I'm not even around. Today we were good then he built his bloody walls up again blocking me out. What a prick." I grumble feeling angry now. When we were finally let out of the class Sophie pulled me into the hallway and stopped me pulling her hands on both of my shoulders.

"Tell me what's up Hazel you look angry." She said feeling a little anxious wanting to know more. Well here goes.

"This entire time I have been here it's been the same old shit and it's annoying. Home, eat, college, act like a couple, back home, eat, sleep and repeat! I will not survive if this goes on for two whole years! How do these rich people even live with themselves?" My blood starts to boil; this was truly crazy how do these people even expect me to live like this? When I face Sophie again she looks a little frightened at my sudden outburst.

"Wow." She laughed hugging me tightly, "Now that's more like it! Shy little girl is gone. These past couple of week you've been really boring... no offence. You need a more action! And if you really need to just get angry, then do so because you're right. If I were living in that house I would probably die! " She laughs continuing on to say, "You know what? We should get you out more often. We need you to live a little then stay suffocated in that house, even if it is maybe six times bigger than mine." I laugh and nod my head.

"You are absolutely right! I'm not going to be the same old boring Hazel!" I laugh alone with Sophie as she links arms with mine as we walk towards the exit of the building together. I was actually happy, genuinely happy after everything that has happened since I got here Sophie and revealed a new and playful happy me. And I felt great to laugh and joke around with her. I was just hoping that it wouldn't run out and I would go back to being that same sad Hazel. Our friendship was building a lot more than before. We were laughing as we excited the building when Sophie was talking about going out drinking. I decided to agree so that I could get my mind off things. But unfortunately just as I thought, my luck ran out and a stabbing pain hit my heart. I turned around to see someone leaning into Nate's side and to see his arm around her shoulder as they laughed together. I could see Sophie look at me then to Nate she shook her head in disappointment and grabbed my arm pulling me in a different direction of car. Nate still didn't acknowledge me just was with all three of his friends and her, that bitch that had Nate wrapped around her little finger. My stomach began to ache and it had felt like my rib cage began to shrink inside me. Sophie cussed under her breath when she saw me. She pulled me to the side of the building away from Nate and the others. She stood in front of me and gripped the side of my arms. It was too hard to breathe all of a sudden; I tried as hard as I could gasping for even a little bit of air but nothing.

"Hey, hey look at me Hazel. You're having a panic attack; you need to calm down okay? I know what you saw and it's taken its toll on you. But if you don't calm down now you're going to pass out." She wiped at my cheeks and suddenly I had realised I was crying. Whoa I'm that pathetic.

"Holy crap! Okay hold on a second Hazel, I'll be right back, you're not calming down!" My back hit the wall and I fell to the ground. Sophie gone and I didn't know what to do. My breathing was getting shorter and shorter as I looked for Sophie when she ran back around the corner to me.

"Shit" that familiar voice echoed through my head as strong arms gripped my shoulders gently, "Baby look at me!" His voice triggered my eyes to open as I saw his troubled eyes staring into my glossy tearful orbs. "You need to breathe now okay?" he voice was shaky as I nodded trying to take bigger breaths. I could feel my heartbeat slowing down to its normal pace. I saw Nate sigh in relief and then I remembered why I had a panic attack. I shoved at Nate's chest to back away from me as I stood up; he looked at me with a questionable expression.

"What that fuck was that for?" He yelled.

"You are such an asshole! It was one thing to come to this fucking country with you but now it was gone too far!" I yell back. I'm so angry with this entire agreement! I can't deal with Nate anymore. "It has been what? Two months since I have been here and you have been acting like a prick to me most of the time! You want to know why your father hired me Nate?"

"Keep your voice down or people will hear you." He growls

"No! You don't tell me what to do. Not only does your father think this but everyone else in the whole fucking world that has seen you knows that you are incapable to withstand a normal relationship because that is how fucked up you are. I'm only putting up with you because I care about my family. And you at one point because of my feelings but after what I saw today, you are just sick." I hold back to tears this time as I try to stay strong from this outburst. I feel like a giant weight has been lifted off me but I feel so guilty. Something sparked in Nate's eyes as he looks at me as if I didn't even insult him.

"Wait... you have feelings for me?" He asks taking a step closer to me.

When I realise what I had just said I gasp and cover my mouth.

Oh no!