"Dr. Shruti, I'm really sorry." Dr. Nishan holds my hand, his eyes are sorry for me.
"I don't know what to say." I let out a fake laugh, wiping the drop of tear from my cheek.
"Anyways now tell me what should I do?" I ask because I know he'll understand my situation and will stop me from going.
"Shruti, I think you should go on the trip." He says, surprising me.
"Dr. Nishan!" I didn't expect that from him. I look at him.
"I know it will be hard but not going to the trip will just prove that you are still that weak girl who he just used. You did nothing wrong Shruti. So, you don't have to hide from anyone. Go and show them how strong you are." He explains.
"I'm not hiding. I'm just saving myself from getting hurt again. It will be hard." I say, sighing.
"Sometimes, you have to face what's hurting you, to heal." He says and I know that he is right.
"You have been hurting for past 15 years because you guys never had a proper closure. He left and you just kept on hanging there. This is your chance to finally move on." He adds.
"I think you are right." I really mean this.
"That guy might be so happy with the other girl, while you are living in pain. Your heart deserves to be at peace. 15 years ago, you guys were just kids. Mistakes happen at that age but in order to live life happily, you should move on, learning from the mistakes.
Shruti, you grew with time but your heart is still 15 years old. It deserves to grow and heal too. Use this trip to heal your heart." Dr. Nishan, explains it to me very well.
"I think I should go." I say with a smile.
"That's the spirit. I promise you will be a different person after this trip. And trust me you'll come running to me, thanking me." He wipes the tear stains from my cheeks.
"Don't worry about your work, I'll manage everything for you." He adds.
"From the day I've met you, I've seen you hiding and running away from new people. You've built a big wall around you so that no one comes closer to you. Shruti, don't let that wall get so high that you get lost inside it. Welcome everyone with an open heart but keep your brain with you. Trust me Shruti, not every person you meet will break your heart." He gives my hand a light squeeze.
"Thank you so much." I turn to him, everything he said is so true and right.
"I need something in return." He starts faking a cough.
"What?" I turn to him suspiciously.
"My fees for this long motivational speech." He laughs.
"I'll bring you a gift from Darjeeling." I laugh with him.
"No, just take me to Swayambhu with you tomorrow." He stands up.
"Okay done, I'll call you." I smile. I don't know why I feel light after this conversation.
"Go home if you don't have a night shift." He gives me the warmest smile. I just nod with the best smile I have. He gives me a "ok hand sign" and walks inside the hospital.
I forgot to ask him if he has a night shift. I smile to myself and start repeating the conversation we just had. I realize maybe I was being unfair with myself.
I have been punishing myself for the mistake that was never mine. My heart deserves to grow and heal. From now onwards, I won't run away from new people. I want to give life and happiness another chance. Slowly, I will break the wall that I built around me.
