emotions

III.

The next day ...

I took a deep exhale as I laid on my bed looking up at the ceiling, hands folded, mind wandering. I don't even want to go to class today, it wouldn't be like I have somebody eagerly waiting to have a conversation with me.
The vibration of my phone against my nightstand knocked me out of my thoughts. I rolled my eyes as I reached for the phone. My phone barely rung during the week, so I knew it had to be either a person I didn't want to talk to, somebody askin' to borrow some money or both.
So I guess you just gonna ignore me forever..
My eyes couldn't deceive me in this moment. She really thought me and her had something else to talk about.
I texted back: What else did you expect to happen?
She text back almost immediately, like she had genuine time for this conversation, but not for the one at school.
We would talk it out.
This girl is really delusional.
That's the thing former bestfriend of mine, there isn't anything to talk out.
But I apologized...
A half ass one if you ask me.
Well you tried, bless your heart. Nonetheless, what you did still wasn't tooken accountability for. No point in apologizing if you don't KNOW or in this case care to understand what you're apologizing for.
I let out a long sigh, part of me wanted to accept her horrible apology and get back to being friends again. Another part of me couldn't escape the hurt of rejection she sent coursing through my veins that day. I've always went so strong for her, defended her honor when people would talk bad about her, always the one she'd run to when she was having problems with her insatiable mother. The list can truly go on and on. But, when I look at that same list, I don't see half of the things I've done for her on the "Things She Would Do For Me." And it hurts to feel like everyone else was right and I wasn't seeing it clearly. Until now.
Another text from her interrupted my train of thought.
I'm sorry I treated you that way.
But why? Why did you do that to me of all people? Your own bestfriend.
I don't know. I just wanted to fit in.
Just when the conversation was starting to look up, she makes a horrifyingly wrong turn.
What do you mean fit in? Since when did you need to fit in with anybody?
With the other people at school, they think you're a bit weird.
So? Who gives a fuck? I'm weird because I don't talk to them? And you thought blowing off your best friend was gonna give you some type of cool points with them??? How the fuck old are we bro?
Okay, but you doin' too much now. I just wanted to hang out with people out side of you. I don't think that's a crime.
Your right it's not, to blow a friend off for the reasons you have should be. But you've said enough bro, what else do you want?
Annoyed with the ignorance of this selfish ass bitch, I waited patiently for this conversation to be over with. I wanted to be done with it and her.
I said I wanted to be friends, but I guess you feel otherwise.
You damn right I feel otherwise, I don't want to be friends with you. Not now, not in 5 years, not ever.
Cool. For you to drop me like that only means you weren't my friend from jump.
See how the guilty try to flip the script like they're the victim. And her delusional ass is probably gonna run with it til' she believes it's really the truth.
Girl fuckin' boo, only a true friend would get your Gonorrhea medicine sent to MY house so your mother wouldn't find out. Only a true friend would jump in and save you when them RichPort girls was beatin' the daylights off that ass. Only a true friend would hold your hand the WHOLE step of the way when you decided to get an abortion after getting pregnant with her English teacher's baby. Shall I mention more times I was a true friend or do those examples make you eat those words you fore-mentioned earlier?
About a good 15 or so minutes had passed and I hadn't received a response to what I had last sent. Bet she had to rethink on that.
I got up to check the mail as I seen the familiar white and blue truck doing its usual 45 mph down my street. Already knowing there was nothing in the mailbox I crept my way back inside. I noticed my phone had just finished ringing. I tried to run to it and answer but it stopped before I could.
One missed call: BFF
I see she wants to finish this conversation on the phone.
I decided to entertain it and dialed back.
"You rang?" I sung into the phone when she finally answered.
"So that's what we doin'?"
I plopped on the couch and crossed my legs.
"I don't know what you're talking about dear." I said sounding sarcastic.
"Bringing up old shit, is what I'm talking about."
I looked at the phone in disgust.
"Old. New. I still did those things for you, did I not?"
"So what you want a cookie?"
I had to laugh at that.
"For someone whose trying to save their friendship, your doing a hell of a job at it." I chuckled in her ear. I found her rude comments to be quite comical. This bitch had no intentions of trying to be my friend. That much was evident.
"I don't even know why I called in the first place." She spat on the other end.
I giggled a bit harder.
"Then hang up, nigga! You wastin' your minutes. I know you probably got 118 left with your good wanna fit in so badly ass."
"Fuck you Mike."
"I'm good Ma, I don't swing that way." And with that I hung up. Good riddance to bad people.
I sat up and walked over to my window. My mom was just getting out of the car from work. Oh boy do I have a conversation for her.