emotions

emotions (bonus chapter)

My life has taken so many twists and turns. Almost like a roller coaster never getting a rest. I tried to fight through things without the love of certain people, still wondering deep inside why they chose to shun me away when I cried for them the most. From a mother and fatherless child, to a naive adolescent trying so hard to fit in anywhere he could. I often wondered why the things that took place in my life happened the way they did. Some parts of it I hide in the back of my mind, slightly tugging at the file risking to relive it all over again. I came to realize writing is such a therapeutic process of expression. You can truly express yourself in so many ways with so many words.
Writing "emotions" was just that, me writing about my emotions, because I have such a hard time talking about them out loud. The empty white background of a page feels so free to me, like I can talk about anything here. With no judgements.
And with that, I started expressing myself more than I usually did. Started writing exactly how I felt and not caring about who feels any way about it.

My step-mother's a bitch. A real bitch. One of them bitches you see in the street and just run up and smack the shit out of. Granted, she really was a decent person in the beginning. Not knowing the pimple-faced heifer had hidden agendas of her own. Her main agenda was to break apart a close bond, and in that notion, her poorly shaped self was successful.
Nonetheless, there was some bonds she couldn't reach if she tried.

My brothers, 2 younger ones and 1 older one. They were my backbone in a lot of situations I found myself giving up on. Though out of my other brothers, I only grew up with the oldest. The one I don't mention often. The one that remains but only a thought in my head these days. Kinda makes me think back on all the time we did spend together, people use the term "forced" loosely, but what if it's true? What if he only came around because he had no other choice? And when he finally got the choice he dipped on us, on me. Crazy thing, I kept trying to salvage what I could. But with this story, it'll truly show what really took place.

Family & loved ones are just that, family and loved ones. If I have love you, or love you unconditionally there's nothing I wouldn't do behind that exact love, and the same came from all of us. Except one who felt his love was too precious for the warmth of ours. So with that, that muthafucka became an outcast. Stuck looking in all on the fun happening within us, silently wishing he could be apart of whatever it was that made us happy. A happiness his desolate life lacked.

Though the Apple never falls too far from the tree, I still continued to try. Now I realize it's time to stop trying. And let that butterfly fly away...