emotions

II.

The third day.

It was Sunday and my mind was racing. Sitting in my apartment by myself, not wanting company, ignoring texts and phone calls. I need to see how she's doing. I walked over to my record player and scrolled through the vinyl collection on the wall. I scrolled until I stumbled upon Rihanna's Talk That Talk album.
I always played this album when I had things going on that I couldn't grasp completely. The words she wrote seem to summarize so beautifully my day to day situations, whether I knew how it would end or not. This album made me think. About the good and the bad. Sometimes the ugly too.
I turned on the turntable switch and placed the vinyl on the platter. I stood back and watched the needle slowly fall onto the record and starts playing its lovely melodies.
I heard the familiar beginning hum of 'Farewell' and immediately began to sit down.
"I will write to tell you whats goin' on, but you won't miss nothing but the same old song. If you don't mind catching up.. I'll spend a day. Telling you stories about a land faraway." This part of the song always tugged at my heart strings. I always felt she didn't really want me around, no matter how much I wanted to talk to her. Though I could never could think of a reason why. Her absence was enough to speak volumes, despite the other adults playing hopelessly blind to it. I understood at a young age what the situation was. But that never stopped me from trying to find her again if I had to.
"Wherever you're going, I wanna go. Wherever your headed can you let me know? If you don't mind catching up, I'm on my way. Just can't take the thought of you miles away..."
Whenever it was time for her to go, I always wanted to go with her. Always wondering where she was headed to, and why I could never come with. I often worried about her, if she was okay. If she was safe. Wondered how far away she was, only realizing when I got older that she wasn't that far away at all. To the normal person, all of this would've made anyone reconsider, I thought. Not me. For some reason, whether it was clear to me or not, I knew in my heart I couldn't give up on her. No matter how many times we would fall apart.
I mustered up the courage to grab my keys and get in my car.
Where are you headed to, Josh?
I tried to ignore the questions in my head, as I put my key in the ignition and drove off. I have to see if she's okay.
I got stopped at the red light 4 streets away from her apartment and found myself dazing away.
What if she doesn't answer the door? What if she's not even home?
I saw the light flash green and I hit the gas and made my way through the next four streets.
1737 Elwood Oakes.
I stood parked outside her apartment door nervous as can be. Contemplating. Staring at that red door.
I got out the car slowly and shut my door behind me. I made my way up the steps, to her front door and took a long pause. Before I could place my balled up hand onto the door, it creaked open.
"Is that my baby?"