emotions

IV.

Monday Morning.

I found myself where I normally am every Monday morning. In the lobby waiting for 11 o'clock to come. Only 5 minutes left. I couldn't help but be nervous about our meeting this morning. I knew exactly what she planned on talking about. Though I was eager to tell her about what happened in the past week, I still tormented with the possibility that she'd tell me I'm going too fast. Part of me knew she probably wouldn't say that, and another part of me wished she would. I truly don't want to get hurt again. I checked my watch and saw it was time.
As I made my way slowly towards her door my anxiety started to get the best of me. You got this far, Josh. Don't punk out now.
I did my usual knock and enter.
"Well good morning, Joshua." Ms. Cynthia greeted me, in her usual upbeat fashion. You never caught a frown on her face, least not in here. She always seemed so happy to see me. The feeling was definitely mutual.
"Good morning to you, Ms. Cynthia." I replied, taking my seat across from hers.
"You look different today." She said, examining me.
"I do?" I asked, questioningly.
"You do, you seem... happier. I take it something good happened over the weekend?" She uncrossed her legs, and put aside her clipboard. Like what I had to say was beyond her professional approach to record everything I had said since the beginning.
I couldn't help but hold my excitement in, as it was expressed so clearly upon my smiling face.
"Yes, it did." I said coyly, trying to make it seem like it wasn't a big deal. The hell am I kidding? This was definitely a big deal.
"Care to fill me in?"
"I went and knocked on the door, as instructed."
I paused.
"And then what happened?"
"She flung into my arms when she opened the door." I paused again to wipe my eyes as my emotions started to get the best of me.
"I'm sorry." I chuckled a bit.
"No, you're fine. These are happy tears, continue to tell me the rest of what happened when you were there."
"We talked, for hours. About things we couldn't ever seem to get to a clear understanding of. How we were gonna work on getting closer. I did say this one thing to her before I left."
"What did you say?"
I looked Ms. Cynthia in her eyes.
"I told her, 'let's not go another 5 years without seeing each other.' She agreed with me, and I told her I'd come by next week. Make it a regular thing to check up on her."
"How do you feel now, Josh? Now that you've faced your fears and seen there's actually a beautiful light behind that red door." Ms. Cynthia asked, never taking her eye off me.
"I feel, determined. Determined to keep this going. I really do love this woman, despite it all Doc."
"As you should. I told you, it's always a chance a lost love can be regained. I wish you two the best relationship you two have ever had. I'm so happy for you, Josh."
I heard the usual beeps on her watch, my session was coming to an end.
"Thank you, Ms. Cynthia. None of this would even be possible if you weren't here to guide me in the right direction."
"Anytime. Know I'm always a call away if you ever get lead astray. Same time next week?"
I looked at the text I just felt vibrate from my phone in my hand.
MOM: WANNA DO LUNCH, NEWT? On Mama.
A wave of happiness flushed over my body.
"I gotta let you know, I might be busy that week." I said, giving a nod at the phone and a wink at her.
She giggled. "Understood, cherish it Josh. Never stop fighting for it."
I nodded in agreement as I walked out into the hallway and made my way to my car.
And that's exactly what I was going to do. I know we as humans are not perfect, and I know somethings happen for reasons. But I love her. I've always loved her. I never stopped loving her. We've got nothin' but time to get us right, and I'll spend whatever time left I have to make sure we get to see it. Having her around always kept me going, whether she knew it or not. I know some pains she has, aren't always easy to talk about. If only she knew I too had some pains threatening to reach the surface. Maybe one day we can help each other with them. At the end of the day, I know that she loves me and I love her back. If we were to fall out tomorrow, I wouldn't stop fighting for her.
I got in my car, turned the ignition and text my mom back.
"On my way, pretty lady."
And with that I was on my way, to spend the day. With her. Telling her stories, about a land faraway...