The Iudex's day off

Side Story 9 - About Sigewinne's milkshakes

This side story will be a bit different than usual.

 It will be more like an author's interview with Sigewinne as I couldn't find a single character who would know enough about what happened in the story to ask all of these questions.

 It's also on the shorter side.

~

~

 "So, Sigewinne. What is it that you put in those milkshakes of yours?"

 "Hmm... It depends on whom it is for."

 "Oh? So it's different for everyone?"

 "Of course it is! I can't just give everyone the same thing!"

 "What about Claude? He seems to be the only human that drinks them with pleasure."

 "Ah, that? Claude's... Right! I got it! Milk, chocolate, cinnamon, cocoa powder, sugar, and orange. He likes it best when it's warm."

 ...

 "So, essentially... You're just making him hot chocolate with orange?"

 "He does call it that sometimes... It's my way of telling him to relax a bit since he's always running around."

 ...

 Is this some kind of child privilege?

 "Alright. Moving on. What about Amalie's version? It must be different if she is lactose intolerant." 

"She's not."

 "Excuse me?"

 "I'm the Head Nurse of Meropide, remember? I have the medical charts of not just the inmates but also the people working here. That includes Amalie."

 "So you knew-"

 "Of course, I knew. But if she doesn't like milk and doesn't want to drink it, I won't force her. I just replace it with other things that can compensate for the missed calcium and vitamin D."

 "And that is...?"

 "Orange, banana, kiwi, blackberries... I have a whole list if you want to see it. I just tend to just throw whatever I have on hand into a blender and mix it."

 "So you're just making a... smoothie?"

 "A what?"

 "A smoothie is... Never mind. So that's why she never complains. Now I'm curious what you put in Neuvillette's. I'm starting to think that it might be just-"

 "It's just water."

 "Hmm?"

 "The bottles I give Dad only have water in them. A delicate mixture of waters from all around teyvat to create a blend with high nutritional value. Dad always appreciates my hard work."

 "...I'm sure he does. Since it's just... water. Then what about Wriothesley? He does nothing but complain about how it tastes like desolation."

 "Papa- Uncle Wriothesley's is not that special. Like everyone else, his only has stuff he needs. It's not my fault that he doesn't take his health seriously and I have to stuff it full of vitamin supplements."

 "Oh?"

 "The base of it is just tea. Milk tea, to be precise. It's entirely his fault that I have to dump a bunch of vitamins inside it so he doesn't pass out on one of his reckless trips to the Pankration Ring."

 "So this is a disaster of his own making..."

 "I wouldn't count it as a disaster. They don't taste that bad."

 "Ah... Poor Wriothesley..."

 "What did you say?"

 "No, nothing. I just- Wait. Now that I think about it, when Wriothesley went after Neuvillette after he disappeared off to the bottom of the sea, you gave him two milkshakes."

 "Right."

 "He said he was going to give it to Neuvillette."

 "I know."

 "So which version was in those bottles?"

 "Well, one of Dad's usual ones and then one for Papa- Uncle Wriothesley."

 "One was just water?"

 "Yes."

 "Wriothesley had a 50/50 chance of drinking the one with water?"

 "Right."

 "Pfft! Hahahahahaha!"

 "Why are you laughing?"

 "Because Wriothesley chose first. Pfft! Hahaha! He chose which one to drink first! Pfft! He doomed his own tastebuds. Hahahaha!"

 -

A day after the crisis in Neuvillette's domain.

Neuvillette's POV

"You didn't tell him."

 "I didn't tell him what?"

 "That one of those bottles probably just had water in it."

 I threw a suspicious look at the bastard I still couldn't accept was a part of me.

 Can't you just disappear?

 Do you have to pop up and annoy me every once in a while?

 And the thing is...

 He's just me.

 Am I what humans call a... what was it again...

 Ah!

 A masochist?

 "I did have quite a difficult time feigning distress when he mentioned that he would have you drink one. I was trying not to burst out laughing." He grinned.

 Sigh...

 "Did you not think that maybe, just maybe, he wouldn't want the last thing he puts in his mouth to be Sigewinne's milkshake that he constantly complains about?"

 There was a high chance he could have died, for Teyvat's sake!

 "Oh, but he was so determined. It wouldn't have been nice of me to ruin it. So I just left it up to chance. There was still a 50% chance he would drink the water." She shrugged his shoulder.

 And he unfortunately chose wrong.

 If he hadn't drunk all of it in mere seconds, I would have informed him, but it was too late by the time I realized.

 Since he drank it just like that, I assumed either both would be just water or both would be the kind Sigewinne usually gives him.

 I was surprised when I realized mine was just water and his...

 Obviously not.

 "So, mister nice guy, since you bothering me for not telling him, are you going to tell him? As far as I know, he still thinks that everyone gets the same kind."

 Yes, he most likely does.

 It's just...

 He might fall into a deep depression if he finds out that some people get things like hot chocolate or water.