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‼️WARNING: mentions of mental health problems, bad eating habits, and hidden mentions of sh‼️
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jisung's pov
here I am again. lying on the bathroom floor crying my eyes out, it's gotten really bad these past few days and I don't feel like there will ever be an escape from the dark place and space which is my head. the things I found happiness in I don't even give it an ounce of enthusiasm anymore, my members know how bad it can get but they don't know right now just how bad it is and how bad it's gotten. I'm utterly exhausted.
and my girlfriend. she knows about my mental health struggles maybe better than anyone I have in my life other than my members. she makes my feelings valid and doesn't say things like "it's all in your head!" like some people have in the past. she listens to me and I mean really listens she hugs me and doesn't push me to tell me why I'm crying or feeling down she's always been so patient with me. I love her so much for that, she's like my home. if it wasn't for her or my members I wouldn't be here today. but even thinking about her takes away my pain temporarily, when I'm not it comes running back saying "hey I'm back your never getting rid of me" it's so frustrating. I then get up and look at myself in the mirror
"who even am I?" I whisper with my voice breaking, tears are flowing down my face, my hair is messy, eye bags due to not being able to sleep, and looking more skinnier than usual because I haven't been eating that well. I look completely unrecognizable, I hate myself for doing this and letting it get this bad. now I'm on the verge of absolutely sobbing til I can't breath, why do I do this? I'm so weak. "she's out but..I need to call her.." I say trying to catch my breath to steady it while also grabbing my phone and dialing y/n's number and hitting the call button. it rings and rings and finally she picks up. "hey baby what's up?" she says suddenly her voice calms me down, but only for a little while then I'm sobbing again. "I- I need you to come over p- please" I say struggling to get the words out at first. "I'm coming now my love hang tight til I get there ok? and please don't do anything stupid." she pleads with me as I already can hear her car start in the background. "o-ok I won't just please hurry" I say almost begging "I will love hang on alright I'll be there soon" she says before hanging up.
after a few minutes I hear y/n knock on the bathroom door "love? are you in there?" she asks with her voice being soft and gentle "y- yea" I say still crying. "ok can you please open this door? please?" she says pleading with me but I'm still sobbing uncontrollably and haven't gotten my breathing stable which is making it hard for me. "please baby just open the door ok? I'll give you all the time you need if at the end you open the door, I just wanna make sure you're alright ok?" she says. after a few minutes of no other noises other than my cries I finally got up and opened the door.
your pov
once jisung finally opened the door I scan his body to make sure he didn't do anything. thank god he didn't, but he looks so broken. he looks exhausted, with bags under his eyes, tears almost everywhere on his face, and he looks much skinnier than before, he hasn't been eating. I feel heartbroken seeing him like this. "oh sungie" I say before going in to hug him.
jisung's pov
then y/n came in for a hug. that's when I finally broke. all these days i've been struggling and I know with her I can let it all out, so that's exactly what I did. my cries start back up as soon as I embrace her, my hands holding onto her waist as if she'd let go anytime soon. "I'm so..." I begin to say but fail to finish my sentence as more cries come out "I know, I know love." y/n says softly stroking my hair, she then realizes how my breathing is becoming all over the place she then grabs my face softly for her to look at me "hey, hey, hey shh it's ok, don't worry your ok. breath in and out ok?" she says comforting me the best she can. I then do what she says to the best of my ability and found it hard the first few times considering my state right now but nonetheless I still try. "good good" she says softly "see? your doing amazing sungie." she says brushing the back of her hand against my cheek.
finally I can feel myself calm down and my sobs quiet down. "let's get you in the shower ok? let's look for some clothes now" she says leading me into our shared bedroom. I pick out some clothes to be able to wash up "and then when you're done in the shower we'll try and eat something okay?" y/n says caressing my face with her thumb "now I know you probably don't want to eat anything but my love you look unhealthy, and it makes me worry big time. if it makes you feel better I'll eat with you ok?" she says to which I nod hesitantly at. "ok go on I'll be in the kitchen waiting for you when you get out." she says giving me a kiss before she watches me make my way to the bathroom.
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your pov
once I hear the bathroom door open I knew that jisung was done so I make my way to him leaving the food I was making him alone on the stove for a few "hey! your done" I say softly "here sit down ok the food I made for you and me are almost done." I say pulling out a chair for him to sit down. "ok here it is" I say placing his plate in front of him and my plate in front of me so I can eat too. "now I know this is gonna be hard so I brought you water and stuff. little by little ok love?" I reassure him to which he just says okay to. after a few minutes of silence and jisung staring at his food I break the silence. "look i'll take the first bite would you like that?" I ask jisung "yea" he says "ok no worries I'll go first" I say picking up my spoon and eating a bite of the food.
"see? now you can go, go at your own pace alright?" I say moving my chair closer to him to be able to comfort him as jisung always liked how much I would message his back or play with his hair. he then picked up his spoon and scooped up a little bit of his food he then puts it in his mouth, hesitating a bit in between but he still managed to do it. then he chews it and swallows it. "you finally did it. I'm so proud of you, you have no idea" I say hugging him gently and with care "now do you want me to put this in the fridge for you? and when you feel like eating again I'll take it out and reheat it?" I ask him "uh- yea.. thank you" he says "ok, now go on to bed, I want you to get rest I'll be there in a second" I say as I got up and cleared jisungs and I's plate.
after I've done that I go into me and jisung's room and find him sitting up on his phone. when he sees me coming around the bed to lay with him he turns off his phone and puts it on the bedside table and fully lays down on the bed. as I pull the sheets over both of us jisung comes closer and puts his hands around my waist with his head rested on his pillow but also close to me leaving almost no space but I'm not complaining. I hug him back and start playing with is hair it was all quiet until jisung speaks up "thank you." he says with his voice just above a whisper. "no need to thank me." I say "I just.. like to see you happy and when you're not I hate it." I add. "yea" he says "go to sleep. get some rest, I'll be here when you wake up don't worry." I say slightly whispering.
