Time after time

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Ella POV

I came home from work at the beach house which was completely empty. Neither Noah nor Lee had returned. Chloe and Rachel had left this morning, with Chloe returning to the boat with her parents and Rachel home to prepare for her departure to Browns University. For the first time since the beginning of the holidays, I was completely alone.

With a glass of wine in hand, I sat on the steps leading down to the beach. I watched the waves wash up on the sand and I thought to myself that my life felt like this. My life is running aground! I went over the last 48 hours in my head and how I felt like my life had become upside down.

I never thought Noah would break up with me! I know we've had an up-and-down summer. But after I agreed to go to Harvard and we said we were going to fight for each other at the Dunes, I never thought he would tell me that loving me isn't enough... But on one point, he was right, I had to do things for myself and not for others. I really asked myself the question: do I go to Harvard just for Noah?

To be honest, a part of me decided to consider this possibility for him. I found the long-distance relationship difficult and wanted my relationship with Noah to last. But after visiting Boston this fall, I genuinely loved this city. I felt good there despite the situation with Chloe. Then secretly this summer, I visited my mother's grave and saw Dr. Smith again who nursed her. It reminded me that when I was young, I wanted to be a doctor. But over the years, I'd say I've lost track of what Elle Evans really wanted to do. And since the University of Berkeley doesn't teach medicine, I just gave up on the project... but Harvard has the best medical school in the country!

So, I chose Elle Evans and she decided to go to Harvard... in medicine. But when I told Lee that same night, he gave me the crisis of the century! Even when he found out that Noah and I were secretly seeing each other, it was less radical than that night. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I remembered everything he told me before he left, telling me that there was no need to call him back since I had no consideration for him. All the rules, the whole bucket list, it wasn't enough for him. I had failed!

Feeling out of place now at the beach house since I had been rejected by the 2 Flynn brothers, I went back home to my dad's house... only to find out that Linda was there with my father and my brother. When I got back into the house, I asked Linda if she was planning to go home soon and she told me that she had moved in a few days ago. My dad quickly followed up saying that it was easier to get help with Brad since I was going to leave for college soon. I don't think I've ever stayed so short at home...

With tears in my eyes still staring at the ocean, I came back to the present moment! I went back into the house to look in a drawer of my desk... A bottle of my mother's perfume, one of her sweaters, and the letter she left me before she died. I put a few drops of perfume on her sweater to smell her again before surrounding myself with it. I left the letter in the drawer, I knew it by heart from reading it. I remembered one of the passages my mother had pointed out:

I know you probably feel like your heart is completely broken today, Elle. But know that even if I'm no longer here to comfort you, your father, Lee, and even Noah will still be there to take care of you.

Tears rolled down my cheeks as I lay down on a lounge chair on the terrace of the beach house as I whispered:

- My heart is still broken, Mom. And I have no one to console me. Dad, Lee, and even Noah abandoned me. I miss you terribly, Mom!

At that moment, surrounded by my mother's sweater, surrounded by her smell and the sound of the waves, I fell asleep. Dreaming of waking up in the warmth of motherly embrace.