Time after time

Wake up with you every morning

Noah POV

"If you come to Boston, it won't be with me."

These words resonated in my dream like a horror film. Yes, I really told her that! Elle was running to get away from me! My whole being wanted to run after her but my feet were stuck in quicksand. Elle! Where is Elle?

I woke up with a start! It took me a few seconds to remember where I was! Yes, I'm in a motel in Missouri on my way to Boston.

I leaned over to see Elle asleep in my arms with our left hands intertwined displaying our wedding rings. We have been married for over two weeks. She is in my bed this morning, I will lie next to her tonight and this will be our daily life for I hope ... at least the next 105 years.

I ran my hand down Elle's back savoring this peaceful moment, wondering why after a year, this nightmare still comes to haunt me. I felt my heart still racing as if I was still at the top of that hill watching the love of my life leave. I was trying to reason with myself. You managed to get her back, Noah! You married her! But, catastrophic thoughts started rolling through my head. You are not safe from divorce, a little voice seemed to say to me. She could leave you, cheat on you...

I had spent the last year burying these emotions deep inside, telling myself that Elle needed me with everything she had been through with Lee and her father. I had to be available for her and without overwhelming her with my catastrophic thoughts. But, it seems like now those emotions are starting to take over me again. Yes, a year ago I broke up and then got back together with Elle before proposing to her a week later. It seems like I changed my mind so quickly that I never really analyzed the emotions I experienced during that horrible week but at the same time it led me to one of the happiest days of my life. When I got down on one knee to ask her to marry me.

Elle POV

We were in Missouri and Noah had planned to hike in the Mark Twain National Forest. I had been there with Lee during our famous road trip a year ago where we took a superb photo of a deer which was all the rage on social networks. Noah told me that he also wanted to take a photo of a deer to keep Chloe waiting, who is really looking forward to us arriving in Boston having returned there herself since our wedding.

I have always loved hiking and I have not often had partners to go hiking with. I was really excited about going on this journey with Noah. And above all to take a day without a long drive. My legs were tingling from spending my days sitting and my bottom was a little stiff...

Both Noah and I were walking, hand in hand, enjoying the sunshine and the sounds of nature. We walked along a stream and the sound of the water was so relaxing. I took off my shoes so I could walk from rock to rock. Noah bet I would probably end up on my butt with all 4 irons in the air. But no! Despite some occasional loss of balance, I managed to keep my bottom dry.

The vegetation is so lush here for someone who has lived almost all her life in California among palm trees.

We climbed a small hill which allowed us to see the entire extent of the park. I watched the sun slowly descend towards the horizon to settle between the mountains.
- It's really beautiful here! Thanks for bringing me, Noah.
- It is a pleasure! I've been wanting to spend this day with you for a really long time!
- To go hiking?
- Yes, and also to celebrate! It's been a year since I proposed to you on top of another hill.
- It's true, it was a special day! How a pathetic and heartbreaking situation could ultimately result in one of the most beautiful moments of my life.
- It's crazy how life has changed in one year. Your relationship with Lee has changed as well as our relationship with the family. And we left to build a life in Boston.
- I think it's not just a life in Boston that we've built, Noah.
- What do you mean?" He asked me, frowning.
- Well we lived last year in a separate dormitory. But we managed to build a life together. Part of what you like and part of what I like. Then we carried that over when we moved into the apartment with the bonus of having our own space. When we returned to LA, the situation changed with Lee's arrival and we had to adapt. We got married and went on our honeymoon and road trip. What I mean is that in different contexts in Boston, LA and traveling we can live as us. Our little routine, our activity preferences and our respective needs.
- Ok but what does that mean to you?
- That we are very different from Elle and Noah who lived at the beach house last year who ultimately only ended up in bed at night." I told him, laughing. "There were many mornings when we didn't even get up together. Either you were out for a jog or I was getting up early to go to work.
- It's true, it wasn't healthy!
- It's sad that it took the pain of the breakup to realize it but looking back, I don't regret the way it happened." I said, thinking that the discussion was simply going to end like this.

Noah sighed and continued, much to my surprise.
- It's weird that you're talking about that, Elle because I dreamed about our breakup a year ago, last night. I already had nightmares about this moment last year before we reconciled. But since we returned from our honeymoon this nightmare has manifested itself a few times. Last year a person appeared after you left me at Hollywood letters. Once it was Lee, then Tuppen and finally Marco. Reminding myself each time of what I had let go." he said to me, looking into the distance. "But this morning it was quicksand that stopped me from running after you! I panicked and woke up looking for you. It's ridiculous, you were lying in my arms with our left hands intertwined.
- There is something deep in you that a year later you still dream of it even though the situation is completely different." I said to him, looking at his concerned face.
- I know! I tried to reason with myself by telling myself that you hadn't left. But my thoughts started spiraling that we might divorce..." he told me, stopping abruptly in the middle of his sentence as if the emotion was too strong to continue.
- I know you hate emotional discussions, Noah but I think you need to visit the emotion you felt when you realized your feet were stuck in quicksand.

He looked at me with surprised eyes then took a few minutes to think before saying to me with a sigh :
- I felt helpless! I saw you walking away when I couldn't run after you!
- Okay, and when it really happened, when I asked you if breaking up was really what you wanted and you said yes, what did you feel?
- My whole being screamed no!
- Then when I left, would you have wanted to run after me?
- Yeah!
- And what stopped you?

I knew this question was the most important, the one that would allow Noah to discover what this quicksand was. He was silent for a few minutes before saying to me :
- I couldn't comfort you, I was the cause of your sorrow. And I couldn't take it all back, I was doing this for you! No matter the situation, I was caught.
- But in the end, you managed to repair the situation.
- Yes, but because you decided to go to Harvard.
- But, even if I had decided to go elsewhere, Noah, you could have fixed it. Maybe we wouldn't have gotten back together right away, but you could have told me everything you just told me. I know, this is a hypothetical situation but there will be other conflicting situations between us. It's inevitable!" I said to him and I could see that this prospect was far from pleasing him.

I moved to sit on his lap and cup his face in my hands before telling him :
- But I sincerely hope that you will never again be afraid to tell me the deep emotions of your heart. And that you will never doubt that no matter the situation, I will be ready to forgive you!

He sighed with relief as he hugged me before saying :
- You are so much the love of my life!

We stayed like that for a few minutes before Noah brought out the picnic he had brought. There was even a small bottle of champagne with glasses and several of my favorite foods. I really liked the photo of our glasses of champagne with our feet and the sunset over the mountains. On the other hand, we had to come down from our cloud before dusk arrived. We reached the car before dark. It was truly a perfect day that I would remember for the rest of my life! Today, I had no doubt that he and I are what I want...

Noah POV

When Elle and I went to bed that night, I was at peace about everything we experienced a year ago after being able to express the emotions I experienced. I realized that by repressing my emotions, they ended up coming back to haunt me. I felt truly blessed to have married a girl who isn't afraid to hear what I'm going through even if it concerns her. And even to be ready to forgive me and support me.

The next morning, I woke up after a nightmare-free night. Elle was still asleep in my arms. Waking up next to her is what I plan to do for the rest of my life. No matter what it will cost me to resolve our conflicts. And ultimately, I never had that nightmare again...