DEJA VU | OSCAR DÍAZ

|8:MAGNOLIA|

I can't call you a stranger

But I can't call you

I know you think that I erased you..

You may hate me, but I can't hate you

And I won't replace you

You keep me up with your silence

Take me down with your quiet

Of all the weapons you fight with

Your silence is the most violent

|OSCAR|
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Friday
June 22nd, 2023
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When I got to the Turners house, Tasha and Dwayne's cars were gone and I was a little glad. After seeing Tasha cry on Monday I was avoiding her and her husband too, I didn't like seeing her cry and I didn't want to see it again.

I was sure if we talked, she'd cry then I'd also want to cry and I don't want to deal with the emotions. I've done well avoiding them all these years, I can't take facing them right now.

"Who are the flowers for?" Dior asked when I closed the front door behind me and handed her the bag of snacks for Maui, Dior and Stefani.

"Aunt Tasha, Magnolias are her favorite." I said as I sat the vase down on the entryway table, "when I was little I used to help her in her garden when she babysat me. She used to love planting these," I said as I touched the flower.

I had a lot of good memories with Tasha, she loved gardening so much that I started to love it and I think if I had a daughter one day, she'd have a flower name like Leilani does.

I kept my eyes on the flowers and sighed, "you know I had a special thing with your grandma too. We'd bake together a lot, and she'd always lie to me and tell me that my decorating skills were great but they were ass."

Dior started laughing when I looked down at her, "what about your Mom? Do you have something special you'd do with your own Mom?" She asked and I nodded "my mom liked to dance."

I kept that answer short and simple, all the memories I had with the women in my life were painful to think about. But dancing with my mom while she sang loudly to her favorite songs was the memory that hurt me the most.

Dior grabbed my hand and pulled me over to the couch, I was a little confused when she pushed me to sit then ran off leaving me in the living room. But she quickly came back holding a couple of photo albums, she jumped down on the couch and sat so close to me she was basically in my lap.

"This is your mom right?" She asked as she pointed at a photo of her sitting with Safiyah, Geny, Tasha and Monse's Mom. I ran my fingers against the picture, they all looked so young, beautiful, happy and healthy.

"She's very beautiful." Dior said as she looked at the picture, then she started to turn the pages. It was a little odd when she skipped a whole lot of pages and she stopped on a page that had a few pictures of Amber and Chuey together.

"So, what's your uncle like?" Dior asked as she batted her lashes at me, for some reason the air felt really thick.

"Um- he's not that much older than me, like two years. We look a lot alike, I look like my dad. He's my dad's baby brother and he looks like my dad, so we get mistaken for each-other so much plus he's tall like me." I started to turn the page but Dior stopped me from doing it.