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I refused to use my crutches much to my families dismay. I was back at school kinda, only part time.I didn't want to be here but it was better than the alternative, family hovering. They still drop me off and pick me up daily and I'm rarely ever alone. It had been a few months since the event and it seemed like everyone but me had moved on.
I walk out of the school to the back area a weird indoor outdoor bit. "Didn't expect to see you princess" Evan mused smoking a joint (weed smoke) "aren't you meant to be in English" Cole asked "we are" I said glancing at him I held my hand out "Princess Princess" I can't help but roll my eyes Evan passes the joint to me though. I put it to my lips breathing in instantly taking it out coughing. Both males chuckle "first time" Cole questioned "I needed something" "there's a lot of somethings out there" Matt said I didn't even know he was there. "Ignore him gentle puffs" Cole said passing me the joint again. The feeling was amazing euphoric but not as liberating, freeing, releasing. "Try this" Dane said guiding me before he placed the pill on my tongue. "Don't corrupt her Dane" Cole said taking the pill before it could dissolve into my system. "Drink this" he said passing me a bottle of alcohol. "Think she might already be corrupted Cole" Evan mused "think we all are" Cole smirked at me taking a sip of his drink.
"Princess Princess" Cole called jogging over to me I spin "could you please keep the joints on you" I look at him confused "you do know my father is a cop along with my whole family" "everyone knows that" he rolls his eyes "nobody will think you have them and we all know you have alcohol in your drink bottle" I sigh looking around rolling my eyes before taking the joints and putting them in my pocket. I turn walking away "you won't get them back till tomorrow I get picked up" "I know don't think anyone can miss you ride" I roll my eyes "I'll keep them safe" I assure him "so who's picking you up today" I shrug "no idea usually someone from intelligence will only picks me up on Tuesday and Friday if he leaves on time" "kinda surprised princess is breaking the rules" I roll my eyes "my life is already over" I shrug walking into class I won't pay attention in.
I walk out putting the joints in my bag. I look around before sighing when I see Adam "we have to be quick" he said ushering me in the car. "We caught a case which is why your dads not here" i nod getting in putting my seatbelt on. I was tipsy definitely and still high from the smoke earlier, do we think they would notice. They had a case so chances are they won't.
I sat in the break room on my phone. I was trying to convince Cole to get me my own joints but as of now his not given in. I get up walking down the hall to the bathroom trying not to interrupt them. "You ok Ally" I look up seeing Kevin there looking at me concerned "perfect just going to the bathroom" I said smiling before walking around him.
I lean against the sink heavily breathing. Everything was wearing off. The pain in my knee, the constant never ending mental pain and fear was coming back. I just wanted to forget. The memories flash in my head with a vengeance. How could I tell any of them that I had an idea of what would happen. That I was the mistake. I didn't know they were going to shoot up the school until I heard the first shot, I knew it was them. How could I tell anyone I accidentally helped plan it not realising they were talking about a real situation. It was a hypothetical war situation like a game what would you do type of thing. School never mentioned. How could I not see it. My dad's a cop a detective he trained me to see things, how did I miss this. Twenty two people dead because I thought we were playing a game. The throbbing in my knee reminding me constantly of my failures.
The door opens quickly and closes "Allie" Emilia gasps quickly "are you ok I haven't seen you well I have you were with Cole his cute by the way" she rambled "I'm fine" it was my generic response. I'm fine, nobody asks for a follow up. "You sure this is my fault" how could I tell her that it wasn't her fault. The situation was a train station hostages and enemies inside a game. How could I imagine that they would change it to a school. "Your not normally here" "yeah dads become annoyingly protective not allowed her or anywhere" she whined i nod going back to looking in the mirror not recognising the person before me. My hand found its way to my pocket pull out what Evan referred to as a gift. "I know what your doing I know Cole will make sure your safe but this isn't you" Emilia said suddenly I look at her through the mirror her eyes pleading with me. I don't hesitate to take the pill before washing my face. I needed the numb . I needed it all to go away. "They think there was more than one person...they have Justin's body but they don't think he acted alone" I remain silent. I sigh before walking past her back to the break room. I pull out my comfort book Harry Potter and begin reading. I usually carry two books from the series plus whatever textbook I'm interested in.
"You watch the movies as much as you read the books" Adam asks "nope do you" "probably not" "who would have thought your a secret nerd ruz" he chuckles tilting the book to see which one it is. "What one are you on...I saw the book on your desk" "goblet of fire I don't have as much time as you though" I raise an eyebrow looking at him "I read textbooks in between each of the books" I say as Kevin enters "what textbook now" "renaissance era" he hums "do you know poetry" "yeah Kev I know poetry you can google whatever it is though" "or you could tell me" I stare at the paper "what and how much had I lost by trying to do only what was expected of me instead of what I myself had wished to do" "it's invisible man by Ralph Ellison happy you could have googled that" I said maybe a little to harshly. The words rung in my head I lost my life because I did what was expected not what I chose. I stare in a trance for a moment before shaking my head and going back to Harry Potter hoping to no longer think of myself. Only wizards and magic not my pain.
