“Danayi, come back!” Zayn yelled after me. This wasn’t the first time I had walked away from him and tried to get away but like the last time, he was coming after me trying calm me down.
“Fuck off.” I spat over my shoulder as I continued walking in the direction of my house with my arms folded firmly over my chest.
“Let me just explain D.” He yelled again as he jogged up behind me. I abruptly turned to face him which caused him to jump back slightly.
“You’re a drug dealer! There’s nothing to explain.” I argued as I turned back around and continued walking. All the bad thoughts in my head were spot on, Zayn was dealing drugs to people around town and somehow I had no idea about it. I was completely against drugs and always had been because I had seen what it did to people in my life e.g. my uncles and several cousins. Zayn knew this, he knew everything about me and I didn’t hold back once but yet he left out a very big detail about his life.
“I know I should have told you but it was hard to.” Zayn said. He was now standing in front of me blocking my path. I kept my jaw locked and kept a considerably amount of distance between us. I felt sick to my stomach that the person I called ‘my boyfriend’ was doing something I hated so much. “You never would have given me a chance if I told you sooner.” He almost whispered as he stared at the ground.
“You’re right, I wouldn’t have. You know how I feel about all that shit. You even agreed with me that it was a bad area to get involved in.” I exclaimed.
“Because it is! If I could go back, I never would have started.” He replied. Neither of us spoke for a few minutes, although he had lied to me and stuff I still couldn’t help but have strong feelings for him, there was something about Zayn that had me hooked on him.
“Do you use?” I asked bluntly. If he lied about this I was done.
“No, I promise.” He replied as he met my gaze, staring intently at me. “Not anymore.” My jaw dropped as I didn’t quite expect it. I felt like a child next to him, yeah he was older than me but only by two years. I walked around him and continued my journey down the street as he ran after me, grabbed me by the wrist and spun me around.
“I’m trying to get out of it Danayi. Ever since I met you everything’s changed, you’ve shown me there’s more to life than trying to make money.” He explained, his eyes were filled with sadness as he held onto me, trying to search for some emotion in me but I just stared at him blankly, unable to move or speak. “I’ll give it all up for you.” He finally said; his voice barely a whisper.
“I don’t know. If you’ve lied about this then what else are you lying about.” I said as I looked at the ground. I felt Zayn pulled me even closer and hold onto my upper arms so I would focus on his face.
“There’s nothing else, I swear on us. I lied to protect you but I’m done now. I trust you so much that it scares the shit out of me Danayi and I don’t think I could handle not having you around. You have such an impact on me you have no idea. I need you.” A single tear slid down my cheek as he finished off speaking. Nobody has ever told me that they want me, never mind need me. I always thought I was better off alone, that I was content with loneliness but Zayn was proving me wrong on that assumption. I was pissed, don’t get me wrong but Zayn made it hard to stay angry with him so although I was annoyed with him I still found myself kissing him and telling him everything was okay before walking back to his flat with him and sleeping next to him like I had done the night before when I knew nothing about him dealing.
+++
Things were quite awkward between Zayn and me for a few days after I found out about the drugs. I found myself avoiding spending time with him and when we did talk it was one word answers. He asked me to go to the cinema and I made up some excuse because I just wanted to lie in bed and think about things. I was half asleep when my bedroom door opened and Zayn was standing there with a teddy and piles of food, as bad as it sounds, that was what fixed us. Over the next several weeks I spent most of my time with Zayn, I stayed at his apartment frequently and he even let me have girl’s nights with my friends when he was working at the radio station. My mum had kind of given up on me and she was actually being nice whenever I was at home.
