Summertime Sadness // Saltburn

Chapter 11

Nirvana's POV.

I sat in a matching white thong and plunge lace bra as I stared in the mirror. I placed the straighteners on the vanity unit in front of me as I admired the beach curls I had created as they fell onto my chest, a warmth against my skin contrasting from the cold I felt within my heart. I hated myself more today than I ever had before but as I always told myself "The show must go on". I picked up the deep red lipstick and coated my lips quickly as I flickered my focus from my left to right eye, making sure my smokey eye makeup and winged eyeliner were balanced. Once satisfied I picked up a pair of small fishnet leggings, pulling them on as I sighed, the dread and remorse in my stomach causing me to feel sick. I took a few deep breaths before placing on my white shirt dress, the back flowing nice and long behind me as the front stopped before mid-thigh, the breast area tight to my bra as I felt satisfied before pulling the sleeves up to just below my elbow, buttoning them in place. I then proceeded to wrap my corset around my body, the top point sitting in between the base of my boobs, elevating them as the bottom sat at my mid stomach, a studded double hoop belt pulling it in even tighter at the waist than it already was.

I picked up my black suede knee-high boots before marching to my bed as I threw myself upon it, wanting nothing more than to curl up into it and cry but now was not the time for self-pity. It is my sister's birthday party. I pulled on the boots as they sat loosely around my thigh, a makeshift rubber band within the middle and near the top tied into the fabric to keep them in position. My hands traced the drawer handle next to my bed before opening it as I looked at all of the jewellery and accessories I had placed into it when I first moved into the room. I pulled out a thick leather choker, a metal hoop hanging from it which made this outfit look all the sluttier. I scanned the drawer for some silver rings as my hand fell upon a piece of paper which I pulled out. It was the note Felix had given me which invited me to the Wild Garden. I stared at his writing as I could not help my feel anger and sadness hit me in a tsunami-sized wave. I felt myself crumble before throwing the paper into the drawer and slamming it shut before looking down at the floor, my hands gripping my thighs as I squeezed them in an attempt to focus on the pain of my nails digging into the bruises on my skin instead of crying.

Fuck. The bruises. I stared at the marks which had already become a dark purple as they circled my thighs, the memories of a few nights before flooding back as I placed my hand in my hands, my fingers tangling within my hair as I wanted to pull it out before I heard the all too familiar creak of my door. I instantly released my grip before sitting straight, trying to fluff my hair to make it seem as if that was what I was doing all along. "Are you okay?" Feyre asked as she gently shut the door behind her yet her eyes were firmly focused on me. "I am fine!" I lied, my voice in a high tone as I forced a smile upon my lips to try and cover up my true feelings. Feyre made her way closer to me, her heels clicking upon the wooden floor as my eyes instantly fixated upon them, the sound seemed much louder than normal as each step caused me to subtly flinch. Each step seemed to be in sync with my heartbeat which I could feel within my ears. The lack of sleep, high intake of alcohol to induce sleep and increase in self-loathing had started to impact my well-being.

"Nirvana, what the fuck is wrong with you? You have been distant the past few days, barely leaving this room. Is it Oliver?" Feyre snapped as I realised she now stood directly in front of me. My eyes still remained focused on her dark stiletto boots which were laced neatly at the front, stopping just above her ankle bone. My eyes slowly drifted up to face her, taking in each detail of her outfit as I did. Her emerald dress was made mainly of lace which flowed from her body, the front sitting mid-thigh, just longer than my own and the back trailing behind her embroidered patterns throughout the thin fabric. The bodice was a gorgeous buttoned corset with a faint sweetheart neckline that led to long lace sleeves, her shoulders completely bare. She looked absolutely beautiful yet she did not seem excited about her exquisite party. No. She was solely focused on me.