It gets easier

Chapter 2 / Plans

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Thorfinn ran home, leaving Leif confused by his ship. He felt like the cold was settling deep within him, seeping through his thick coat and boots.

He wondered as he ran why Ylva would arrange such a thing behind his back, because he was sure it was her. His mother was too kind to not inform him of such things, so he suspected that she didn't know anything about it either. He also wondered who the woman, Gudrid, was. She was related to Leif in some way; that much was obvious, but did Leif have any daughters? He knew he had sons.

He made it home in five minutes and forgot to shake the snow off of his boots when he entered, trailing water from the melting snow behind him.

His mother looked up and smiled. His sister did not.

"Welcome back; was Leif well?" Helga asked her son, seemingly not sensing his urgency and annoyance, which he very knowingly directed at his sister. She still weaved and didn't even look up to meet her brother's gaze. She could guess that Leif would say something that would make Thorfinn realize what she had done.

She had really hoped it would be a little longer before Leif returned, so Thorfinn hadn't known about it until a week or two before the wedding.

"He was well," Thorfinn replied, but his voice was strained, and he didn't look away from his sister. He wasn't angry very often anymore, but he was now. This was too big of a decision for Ylva to have made for him. It was his life and another's life—the woman he was apparently going to marry.

"That's good"

"He told me, Ylva, and I know it's you who must have planned this." He stepped closer to his sister, and finally she reacted to his presence, sighing and turning around to meet his gaze.

"You forced my hand."

He gritted his teeth and brought a hand to his head, clutching his hair between his fingers. The sting of pulling at it ground him enough so that he didn't yell at her.

"This is not fair. I told you I would get married when I was ready."

"Well, I was beginning to think you would never be ready!" Ylva argued. "You're 21 years old; that's almost too old to marry. No better woman would want you eventually."

Thorfinn opened his mouth to retort, ready to go back and forth with his sister all day, but Helga stood up, her stool screeching against the floor, and she pulled her shawl closer around her chest as she looked between her children and asked, "What is this about Thorfinn getting married?"

Ylva sighed again and went on to explain it to the both of them. "Leif mentioned last time he was here that his daughter-in-law had been widowed and that his sister wanted her to be married off again, so I... may have mentioned that Thorfinn was also looking to be married soon."

"Ylva!" Helga scolded.

Thorfinn watched the floor now instead of his sister, so she had planned it since the last time Leif visited. Her mention of the woman, Leif's sister-in-law also left him feeling dizzy.

"Mother, you've always been too easy on him. You and I know it would be best for all of us and him if he finally got married," Ylva argued. She wanted to say more, and Thorfinn knew that she did. He was grateful that she didn't bring up his past when she talked about this.

Thorfinn let himself fall into a chair by the fire. He was still wearing his coat and boots, and the flames should have warmed him up, but he still felt cold down to his core.

"It'll bring us peace of mind, and you too. Besides, you've always liked Leif, so I thought you would be at least a little excited about marrying into his family."

Technically, it was her that would marry into their family, but yes, Ylva was right.

"If you had been more open to the idea whenever I brought it up, then we could have discussed it together," she continued.

He knew that Ylva had a point and that she did what she thought was best for their family and for him, but it didn't make him feel any better about any of it.

His mother walked to his side and placed her small and aged hands on his shoulder, her faded blonde hair falling in front of her as she leaned over a bit to be closer to his ear.

"What will you do, Thorfinn?

"I can't call it off, can I?" He asked, shaking his head. He already knew the answer. Even if Leif was his friend, breaking such an agreement was shameful. If it was just him, he would be fine, but it would affect his family and Leif's family as well.

Ylva shook her head and said, "No, you can't."

"I see..." Thorfinn muttered, leaning forward and putting his head in his hands as he tried to take a few more seconds to compose himself. When he looked up again, he sighed, but this time he sounded more resigned than annoyed. "When is the wedding supposed to take place?"

She told him that it wasn't far. It was just a little over a month away. Thorfinn knew that a month could pass very quickly. The ceremony was also to be held on a Friday. It was a lucky day; at least that's what the elders said. That specific weekday was supposed to bring good luck to the union between man and woman.

"Alright..."

He didn't know if giving in so easily was a decision he would regret. He sincerely hoped that it would work out, but he couldn't be sure.


—————


"I can't say I'm overly fond of being lied to, Ylva," Leif said with his arms folded over his chest. Thorfinn had gone back to Leif and invited him and Bug Eyes to dinner—they didn't have much, but they always found enough to have guests over—and the old man had happily agreed. Thorfinn felt that he needed to tell him that he had been completely unaware of the wedding during the entire planning process. "But..." the man continued, "it is, as you say, we can't call it off now. I am sorry, Thorfinn."

Thorfinn shook his head. He sat next to Ylva, who has least had the decency to look a little guilty, though he was sure that was about lying to Leif, not about lying to him, her own brother.

"There's no need for you to apologize, Leif." Thorfinn sighed, reassuring the old man that he hadn't meant for this to happen. "I would just like to know more about what you and my sister have planned and about who Gudrid is."

"Of course, I understand that." Leif nodded and placed his hands on his knees instead of keeping them folded over his chest. Leif was often a very charismatic and silly old man, but he could be serious as well, and that was what he was now, staring across the room at nothing as he prepared his words carefully.

He and Ylva went on to explain what they had planned. As he already knew, they would be wed on a Friday, and the ceremony would be traditional Norse, even though Gudrid was apparently a Christian woman. She would arrive a few days before the ceremony, just to settle in and prepare. Thorfinn was relieved that he would have the chance to meet her and speak with her before their wedding.

As for who Gudrid was...

"She is a young woman. A little younger than you, Thorfinn," Leif said, and it surprised Thorfinn. During the last few hours, he had expected her to be maybe ten years older than him, if not more, but she was younger. "She was my brother's, Thorvald's, wife for a little over a year before he perished overseas. That was 4 years ago."

"I'm sorry to hear that, Leif." Helga gave Leif her condolences—it wasn't something any of them had known—and he quietly thanked her, but told them that that was to be expected with the kind of life his brother had lived. Thorfinn didn't know what that meant.

"Since then, she has lived on my farm in Greenland," Leif continued. "She has a strong spirit. Very honest and lively. She can be a little troublesome, actually."

"You can say that again." Bug eyes scoffed.

"Now now..."

Ylva coughed into her fist. Leif was supposed to tell Thorfinn good things; they didn't want him to hesitate if he found out that his fiancé was, as Leif put it, troublesome.

"Yes, yes," he understood. He went on to explain more about Thorfinn's fiancé, her energy, and her skills, but Thorfinn still couldn't imagine her. It wasn't that he couldn't imagine such a woman existing, and it wasn't that he couldn't imagine tolerating or liking her either, but something still felt off about it, imagining waking up beside her every day, doing everything together, talking about everything, being so familiar with each other's good and bad sides. At the thought, Thorfinn clenched his hand around his fist.

"And is she pretty?" Ylva pushed Leif in the right direction with a smirk, and Thorfinn had to stop himself from sighing.

"Oh, yes, she is." Leif nodded slowly, probably feeling a little strange having to say such things about his own sister-in-law.

"Oh?" Ylva grinned and elbowed Thorfinn in the ribs, though it was not hard enough to hurt very much. "That's good, huh, Thorfinn?"

"Uh, yeah" He nodded hesitantly. Looks was definitely what most men would worry most about—he remembered it quite well—but he hadn't spared it a thought. The color of her hair and her eyes, what kind of dresses she wore, and the curves of her body—he couldn't imagine that either, and even if he could, he wasn't sure it would settle the raging feelings within him.

He was sure his mother felt it, because she, sitting on the opposite side of him from Ylva, placed a hand on his arm, a shoe of quiet comfort. He was sure he could find comfort in his mother's living presence in the time up to the wedding, and although it ended well for her and his father, he knew it mustn't have been easy for her when she was promised to Thors.

Ylva and Leif continued to inform Thorfinn of the plans all evening, even long after the children had been put to bed, but eventually he excused himself, and although Helga offered him a place to sleep, he declined.

What a strange day. Thorfinn was tired, but he wasn't sure he would be able to get any sleep.


—————


"Uncle Thorfinn?"

"Yes?" Thorfinn asked, turning his head and laying himself down on his elbows. He had crawled into the bedstead that was built into the side of the wall, and next to him were his nieces and nephews. They were all already sleeping, but he guessed that he had awoken his young niece when he moved around to settle into the furs.

She sat herself up, one hand clutching the doll Ylva had sewn her a while ago, and her other hand wiping the sleep from her eyes.

"Are you done talking?"

"Yes, we are."

"So you're getting married? We're getting an aunt?" She asked. She had been playing with her brothers and her dolls during most of the evening, but he was not surprised that she managed to understand that much from overhearing the adults' conversation.

Thorfinn nodded slowly and said, "Yes."

The little girl smiled brightly, but her eyes were still so tired that Thorfinn expected her to collapse into the furs and fall back to sleep.

"I'm excited"

"You are, huh?"

"Mhm," she nodded. "Are you excited too?"

She was only five. Thorfinn remembered watching his parents and other parents when he was that young, and he believed that they all loved each other because his parents had clearly loved each other very much. He grew older and learned the truth: too many marriages were unhappy or even abusive.

He reached out to his niece, finding her shoulder, and then gently helped her lie back down in the furs. She let out a context-sigh, breathing in the warmth.

He didn't want to explain to his niece that not all married couples loved each other, so he smiled, even though she could not see him through the dark, and he lied, "Of course I am."

His niece was quiet after that, and a few minutes later he heard him let soft snores muffle the fur.

He turned back and laid himself on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Everyone seemed to be asleep, and Thorfinn wished that he was as well, but as he had guessed, no matter how heavy his eyelids were, sleep would not take over.

His mind wouldn't stop making him remember the past and consider the future.