It gets easier

Chapter 3 / arrival

—

Thorfinn could tell that Ylva was happy that he knew about the wedding. It was really like she was very relieved, not only because Thorfinn didn't put up more of a fight, but because she didn't have to make an effort to hide it any longer.

She told him not to wear his best clothes until Gudrid would arrive; she wanted him to look his best, and that meant that the clothes shouldn't be dirty or even wrinkled in the slightest. She was very serious about that kind of thing. She had even forced Thorfinn to sit and endure a haircut. He had liked his hair as it was; it had almost been to his shoulders, but she cut it to make him look like a little rich boy. He had, however, managed to make it look more manly by rustling his hands through it.

It was, of course, at that time, when such physical changes started to happen, that other people noticed that something was happening.

The ones he worked with at the blacksmith shop noticed it first, and they had been excited on his behalf. They remembered Thors—they had worked with him—and they assured him that he would be proud of Thorfinn. He had just thanked them and continued his work quietly, not daring to take their words to heart. He really had no idea what his father would think of him if he was still alive.

Next were his friends, of which he really didn't have very many. Most people his age had completely forgotten about his existence by the time he made it home. He could jog a few memories as time went by, awkwardly stating to one of them that he was the one who had broken his arm when they were children. The one who remembered him best was now his closet friend of them all, Faxi, and looking back, Thorfinn had spent more time lying in the snow with Faxi than he had spent playing with the other children.

Faxi, along with pretty much everyone Thorfinn's age, was already married, and he had a child. A son. His reply to Thorfinn letting him know that he was getting married had been "about time." Thorfinn hadn't even suppressed a sigh at that, but he didn't tell anyone but his grown family how he truly felt about it. Maybe some did pick up on some hesitation he had around the subject, but they never brought it up to him. Maybe they just thought he was nervous. He really didn't have a lot of people he could ask for advice. Most of the people he knew had chosen their own spouses, not necessarily out of love but simply because they were available, and most of them had married someone from the village, so they had grown up together, like it had been for Ari and Ylva.

The only one Thorfinn could really ask for help and advice from was his mother.

"How did you feel about marrying father?" Thorfinn asked his mother late at night, not feeling tired in the least as he was plagued with the thoughts of his wedding suddenly only being two weeks away.

Time has passed very quickly.

He thought that if he knew how she had felt—because he was no longer able to ask his father—and also how she came to overcome it and truly love his father the way that he so clearly remembered that she had and still did,.

She sat next to him, a blanket over her lab to keep warm, and an arm around his shoulder, bringing him closer to her, like he was still a small child that needed to be held when he was upset.

Helga tried to remember what she had felt back then. It was difficult to recount. She had been different back then, when she still lived under her father's roof. She had merely done as she was told, with no complaints or hesitation. But still...

"I was certainly nervous," she answered. She knew more of Thors than Thorfinn knew of Gudrid; Helga had even seen him meet her father a few times, but she didn't really know him. She was sure that it was rare that arranged marriages didn't make the bride and groom nervous. Each in their own way, but still nervous. "But not for long, Thorfinn. It was not love at first, but it wasn't long until we were very comfortable with each other."

He looked at her with a hopeful look. Helga wanted that for him; she wanted him to be comfortable at the very least, and she hoped that Gudrid was a woman who could accept him, love him, and be someone he could love as well.

"Your father and I were willing to love each other," she continued. "I know you are as well." He nodded as she spoke. He was at the very least willing to try and love his wife, and at the beginning, that would be enough.

"And if she isn't?"

Helga shook her head. "Then she might change her mind."

"I hope so..."

Helga smiled. Despite everything he had done and everything he had been through, he was so kind and so hopeful. He didn't always think he deserved it, but Helga knew that Thorfinn deserved happiness and love.


—————


Two weeks passed in a blur of trying to act normal and venting his worries to his mother. Suddenly it was the day that Gudrid was set to arrive, and Ylva seemed more panicked than Thorfinn was.

Thorfinn was resigned, while Ylva, for some reason, still thought he could mess it all up. Early that morning, she forced him to go outside and wash himself thoroughly, and then he put on his best clothes, brown pants and a green tunic with golden sleeves. It wasn't fine silk or real gold embroidery; it was just the nicest-looking clothes he had. Ylva had even tried to brush Thorfinn's hair to make it look neat, but every time she was done, he would brush a hand through it and "ruin" it.

When someone from the village had yelled about ships in the distance, Ylva finally let him be and ensured that the house and her children were also neat and acting right. Thorfinn's first impression of her was not the only important first impression.

Thorfinn had sighed deeply, running a hand through his hair again, just for good measure.

He stood up from his seat and walked outside, throwing his coat with a furred neck around his shoulders to keep warm. There wasn't as much snow as the day he had found out about the marriage, but it did still threaten to spill into his boots when he stepped into the snow that he hadn't removed in front of their home. It looked like it would snow that night as well, from the look of the clouds on the horizon. Maybe that would prove a blessing. If things were too awkward, he could use the excuse that he needed to shovel the snow.

He looked towards the shore, and he saw three ships in the ocean. It was an odd thought that on one of those ships was the woman he would marry in just one week.

With the winds and the waves, it looked like they would reach the harbor in under an hour. It had been a long time since Thorfinn had sailed, but he would never forget it, and guessing something like the time was not very difficult.

He started walking towards the pier, willing to wait for that hour. He was sure he would have a hard time concentrating on anything else with the view of them right there on the horizon.

"Are you ready, Thorfinn?"

Thorfinn started at the voice. He hadn't seen Leif sitting by the pier atop a liquor barrel. He looked like himself, not dressed up in any way, and Thorfinn appreciated that normalcy. The whole village was working on preparing the wedding hall and the feast. They all knew it would be a big party, one of a size they hadn't seen in years. Thorfinn had no idea where they found the money, but it was probably Leif who paid.

"I wonder if I will ever be ready," he answered the man, and he continued to look at the approaching ships.

Leif looked a little solemn, looking at Thorfinn's unreadable expression. Thorfinn knew that Leif felt bad about how it had all happened and how Thorfinn had essentially had no say in the end.

"Maybe it will do you some good to take your mind off of it until they arrive, Thorfinn."

"I don't think I'd be able to." Thorfinn shook his head and walked closer to where Leif sat.

Leif smiled a sad smile and leaned to the side so he could reach over and pat Thorfinn on the back. "It'll be alright," he said, and Thorfinn wanted to believe him. "We can just talk until they arrive, or we can be quiet, if that's what you need."

"Thank you"

So Leif and Thorfinn just talked about anything other than what was to come in less than an hour and in less than a week. They talked about the past and about little things, and Thorfinn did, for a few moments, realize that a good thing that would inevitably come out of the marriage was that he and Leif would be family.


—————


"Stand straight, Thorfinn," Ylva whispered, and she poked Thorfinn's arm while her other hand rested on her second oldest son's shoulder.

Ylva, Ari, their children, and his mother had all arrived, all dressed up and ready to greet their soon-to-be in-law, or aunt, in the children's cases.

"I am," Thorfinn whispered. He didn't even look at Ylva as she whispered to him; he couldn't take his eyes off of the ships. They had already docked, and people were hurrying off and on the ships. He really couldn't imagine why they needed so many ships just to transport one person. He already knew that her family wouldn't be coming as well.

He tried to spot which ship Gudrid was on. He realized then that maybe he should have cared more about what she looked like and asked Leif because he couldn't pick her out of the crowd. He didn't know what hair color or style of clothes to look for.

"Ah, there they are," Leif grinned and gave Thorfinn a small shove to get his attention, pointing a finger to two women, but then Leif quickly froze, his mouth hanging agape in confusion. "What is she..." he muttered but trailed off, or maybe Thorfinn zoned out, unable to hear or see anything or anyone but the young woman who would be his wife in just one short week.

He took a single step forward, not even realizing that he was doing so, trying to get a better view of her. Her head hung low, blonde locks falling on both sides of her face, so it was impossible to see her expression.

"Wh—what in the—" Leif started sputtering, and Thorfinn's attention was drawn away from the women, genuinely wondering if Leif was angry or in shock. Suddenly the old man started marching towards them, and everyone watched in total confusion as he shouted at Gudrid, "What is wrong with your hair?!"

"What?" Thorfinn muttered and watched as the woman, Gudrid, flinched and stumbled as Leif approached her. The other woman beside her simply looked exhausted as she started to explain something to Leif.

For the briefest moment, Gudrid looked up, and Thorfinn's eyes met hers. Thorfinn had wanted to believe that Gudrid would have been fine with it all, with the marriage, with leaving her former life behind, but from just a second's eye contact, Thorfinn's felt a growing pit in his stomach.

Gudrid looked miserable.