It gets easier

Chapter 6 / The morning after

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Gudrid woke up early the next morning, earlier than she normally woke up, despite having "partied" till so late, but it was probably because she had been sleeping restlessly, waiting to be woken up by Thorfinn.

At first, she still believed that it was night and that she had maybe just slept an hour or two, but she could see sunlight seeping in from under the door. She looked to her side, seeing that she was in bed alone, and then she looked over the side of the bed. He wasn't on the floor either.

She swung her legs over the side and walked to put her boots and coat on.

She pushed the door open and stepped out, wrapping her arms loosely around herself. It was a cold morning, but actually, it wasn't as bad as some days in Greenland.

She looked around and saw that the sun had only just risen. Very few were out and about yet, and she guessed that everyone else was probably taking a quiet day after the big party to sleep off the alcohol and throw up if they had eaten too much. She hadn't seen Thorfinn drink very much the night before, but still, she wondered if he had passed out somewhere.

She couldn't help but worry, but she was also very curious.

First, Gudrid went to the dining hall they had held the feast in, and she did find a few passed-out people there, some of whom made some vile comments the moment they saw her, asking her how the night went, but she didn't find her husband there.

She wondered if she should knock and ask her new in-laws where he was and if she should be concerned, but as she passed the stable, she suddenly froze. A scream tore through the cold morning air. scream that she was sure was one of a dying man.

She ran into the stable where the sound was coming from, and there she found her husband, but he was still sleeping. The scream she heard was his, but it looked like it was just a nightmare. It was just a very terrible nightmare, apparently.

The moment she went in, the animals must've thought it was time to be fed, because sheep and cows alike started roaring at her, and because of that, she didn't need to approach him to wake him up; the sudden noises did that. He sat up, straw in his clothes and in his hair.

He didn't even notice her at first, grasping his forehead and sighing as the fear seemed to slowly leave him.

Gudrid just stared with wide eyes for what felt like minutes until his eyes finally turned to her.

He stared back for a few moments with an odd look in his eyes before he lowered his hand and asked her, "Who are you?"

Gudrid blinked, still not over having watched and heard him thrash and scream in his sleep, and now he was asking a question like that.

"Are you... drunk?" She asked hesitantly. Even in his tired state, he should have been able to recognize her.

His eyes widened, though it didn't look like it was because of her question. She wasn't even sure that he could hear her over the sound of the animals.

"Gudrid?" He said her name, standing up and moving over to her, and then they were finally able to hear each other. "I didn't recognize you because of your hair and clothes."

"My..." she began, but her eyes widened. She knew since yesterday that he would probably question the clothes, but only then did she become aware that there wasn't hair falling over her back and shoulders. That was also why she had felt a little colder this morning.

She didn't have her wig on.

It had probably fallen off while she slept, and she was too tired to notice when she got out of bed.

"Oh. Oh no, Tulla is going to kill me!" Gudrid groaned as she brought both hands to her head.

"Were you wearing a wig this whole time?"

The animals had quieted down, probably realizing that food wasn't coming even if they roared for it.

Gudrid was surprised by how sad Thorfinn looked as he asked her that question. It left her speechless for a moment.

"Yeah," she mumbled, looking away from him. "Tulla said I wasn't allowed to take it off until my hair grew out again."

"But why?"

Again, she was confused. "Because women aren't supposed to have this short hair." Gudrid answered, but said it in a tone that made certain that he knew that it wasn't something Gudrid herself agreed with. "Would you have been fine with seeing me like this?"

"I would, yes," he answered, and she almost stumbled backwards, looking sharply up at him again. "It doesn't matter to me what you look like. You must have cut it because you like it like that, right? You should be allowed to do what you want with your own hair."

She hadn't. She had learned that she liked her hair this way—she thought it looked cute—but that was not the reason she had cut it in the first place.

"You are a very strange man."

"Oh, uh... sorry?"

She smiled, and Thorfinn felt himself freeze, feeling happy in that moment as he watched her smile for the first time. It was just a small smile, but it completely changed the way her eyes looked.

"It's not a bad thing," she said, and then suddenly remembered why she was there, having been caught up in that moment of having a part of her affected by him. She took a step backwards. "I have questions."

"I'm sure you do," Thorfinn nodded.

"Why did you sleep here tonight? And why were you screaming like that?" She asked him carefully, referring to how she had found him.

This was one of the things Thorfinn would have wanted to talk to her about alone but hadn't been able to. Not only had he not wanted to force her to do anything she didn't want to do, but he also didn't want to startle her by waking her up like that. She had deserved to sleep peacefully.

When he first returned to Iceland after his years as a warrior, he had gotten used to sleeping in the barn as well, guilt seeping through his cracks when he woke his family up with the nightmares that began shortly after he had come home. It had been years, but he still could not remember what his dreams were about, and some days he wasn't sure if he wanted to know.

"You looked very sad the whole day; I thought it was best to let you be," he began, giving her a short explanation to her first question before he hesitatingly gave her an answer to her second question. "As for that..." he nodded his head towards the spot where he had been sleeping. "I have nightmares."

"Very bad nightmares," Gudrid muttered, and Thorfinn shrugged.

"They're not that bad; I'm just a bit of a coward," he chuckled, but Gudrid stayed quiet. "I... didn't offend you by sleeping here, did I?"

"Huh? No, no, I- that's not it. I'm just surprised." Gudrid wasn't just surprised; she was entirely overwhelmed. "But... in a good way, I think. You were right; yesterday was..."

"Hard?" Thorfinn described it when Gudrid couldn't find the right word.

"Yeah, yeah it was hard..."

"I'm sorry; I'm sure there was something I could have done to make it easier, right? I just didn't know how to help you." He apologized sincerely. "Gudrid, I want you to know that I respect you, and I will help you in any way I can in the future. You won't have to do anything you're uncomfortable with again," he said, and his eyes went to her hair.

She had already known that Thorfinn was kind and that he wouldn't abuse her, but she had thought that there would be something about him or this marriage that would make it terrible. Sure, Gudrid's dreams were being crushed; she would feel trapped in Iceland, she was sure, but it would probably be more bearable than she had first thought.

He was a strange man. A very strange and kind man.

"Okay, but... I'll feel bad if you sleep out here every night," she said, her voice barely above a whisper and a blush of embarrassment appearing on her cheeks. Her cheeks were always flushed, but just a little more now. Thorfinn was beginning to think that, in the time to come, he would be able to see the real Gudrid. "We can... I don't know... We can switch between sleeping on the bed and on the floor, maybe?"

Thorfinn smiled. "We can figure that out later."

"Yeah, okay."

"As for now, you barely ate anything last night. Are you still not hungry?"

She blinked at the very sudden change of topic, but his question did make her notice the empty feeling in her stomach. All she did was groan and place a hand on top of her stomach.

"Come, I'm sure there's a lot of leftovers from yesterday's feast," he told her, placing a hand on her shoulder for a second as they began to walk towards his family's home, which now also includes her family.


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"So, how did it go?"

Gudrid blushed furiously and shot Tulla a dirty look. She had joined them inside along with the rest of Thorfinn's family a bit later in the morning.

Thorfinn coughed into his hand, and then he acted like he hadn't spent the night out in the stable. He made it sound like the night had proceeded as everyone thought it had, though without giving any details.

Gudrid thought that it was a good idea, so he did. They hadn't consummated the marriage, and if that got out, then the community would start to gossip and spread nasty rumors. It hadn't been that bad when it got out that Gudrid and Thorvald hadn't consummated their marriage either, but that had only been because Gudrid was so much younger and because he had left so soon after.

Tulla sighed. "I'm glad it all turned out so well." She then looked Thorfinn in the eyes and smiled. "I can leave her in your hands then."

Thorfinn nodded slowly and looked over at Gudrid, who, at the same time, looked at him from the corner of her eyes.

"I will do my best." He told Tulla, but felt completely distracted by Gudrid as he did.

Tulla had faith in him, even more so after she had come by that morning and seen that he wasn't bothered by Gudrid's chopped hair. She didn't understand it, but she believed that Gudrid was lucky to have married a man who could accept such a thing.

"That means... you'll be leaving soon, sister?" Gudrid leaned forward. Her sister-in-law could be a pain sometimes; she was far too strict, but Gudrid loved her, and a part of her really didn't want her to leave her. Thorfinn was kind; she knew she would be safe, but everyone else still felt like strangers.

"Yes, tomorrow, however, it seems that Leif will be staying a little longer; that is no surprise, though; he has always liked this place."

"We have always enjoyed his lengthy visits," Helga said with a smile, and Thorfinn nodded as well. He loved when Leif was staying when he was a child; the longer, the better.

"But... tomorrow is so soon..."

"Now now," Tulla said, shaking her head. "You'll be fine without me, so raise your head," Tulla said gently to Gudrid. Again, Thorfinn wanted to do something; he knew what it was like to suddenly be without someone who's so important in your life, but it wasn't the same as his situation, so he stayed quiet.

Tulla and Gudrid had some time together that day to say their goodbyes. Thorfinn was sure they could find a way to visit Greenland some time later, but everyone knew that it would be a long time.

Thorfinn told her so much that they would try, and she was grateful for that. Technically, she and Tulla were not even family any longer; they hadn't been since Thorvald had died, but even less so now that she had remarried. It was rare for a new husband to still promise the wife that he would try to make sure that she could see her former in-laws. If Gudrid had asked for permission to do that from any other man—had she married another—it would have been disrespectful, but Thorfinn couldn't imagine keeping anyone away from their family.

His eyes went to his own family—his mother, Ylva, Ari, and their children—and he smiled sadly. It had been his own choice to stay away, but he would always regret it. Nobody else should have those regrets.